1 A Happy Birthday Greeting from my Dearest Cousin,Ah Millie, from Switzerland :
” With so much love, and untold amount of fondness..xxxxxxxxsqueese ”
2 James Luce and Amalia Pellegrini discovered the term “Friendshipology Friends
“友学 学友
We are all potential Friendshipology Friends !
3 Cousin Robert, Yu Zhenguang, son of Li Yun-Shan in Li’s Family K2 Branch -from Shanghai – 坤二房 – 俞真光 – volunteered to be one of our Li/Lee Family Connectors
4 An Amazing Discovery while addressing my Andover Classmates at our 70 th Reunion ( a Zoomed webinar ) .
After I suggested that we as grandparents should really leave at least two IMPORTANT WORDS to our children and grandchildren like PEACE & TOLERANCE, I thanked them all, and sent my deep LOVE & RESPECT . The LOVE I felt in me led to a RARE DISCOVERY: The more I felt I was giving, the more I felt replenished inside me. LOVE COULD BE INEXHAUSTABLE ! ! !
This is Part II following Catherine Zhao’s Part I – “ABOUT FRIENDSHIP” posted Jan. 2021
Shaynee ( in Blue ) and Catherine ( w/ hat )
There are people you meet that change your life. There are people you meet that change your perspective. There are people that do both.
Catherine Xiaolin Zhao is one of those people.
I met Catherine in the late summer of 2016. I was fresh out of college and living in NYC. I was full of excitement and fear. I grew up in the Midwest in the United States and hadn’t traveled very much. I felt so overwhelmed by NYC, but I was in awe of it as well. As a kid who once lived in a house that was surrounded by cornfields, I was amazed at the amount of people, places, and cultures in the “concrete jungle.” I was eating alone on the back patio area of Webster Apartment, a wonderful place in midtown Manhattan that provides safe and affordable housing for female professionals, when we met. As an introvert, I remember wanting to quietly eat when along came a chatty and friendly person who ended up becoming one of my best friends. She asked me questions about Oklahoma, and I asked her questions about China.
When I was in elementary school and living in the above mentioned farming community, my family briefly thought we might be relocating to China for my father’s job. I was beyond thrilled. This was right before the Internet started slowly becoming a part of our daily life, so I had to grab the “C” labeled encyclopedia to read up on China. Sadly, we didn’t end up moving there, but my passive yet strong curiosity about China remained. I ended up growing up mostly in Oklahoma.
Catherine knew about the famous musical Oklahoma. Meanwhile, I didn’t understand what Chinese New Year’s really was, and wrongly thought sushi was a popular dish there. Afterwards, I remember calling my mom to tell her that I had made a new friend from China. Over the next few months, Catherine and I, along with some other women, played the role of “tourist” in the Big Apple. Those few months are filled with some of my favorite life experiences. I grew a lot as a person. Being around so many women from so many different countries gave me a different perspective on how America is perceived, in both positive and negative ways, abroad. It made me think more critically about America’s healthcare and college education system. It was such an eye-opening experience in so many ways.
One of the darkest and most surprising moments for me happened on a city bus. Catherine, our mutual friend from Germany, and I were on our way back to our apartment after a fun and adventurous day. Mere seconds after finding our seats, an older woman grew visibly upset that she was having to sit near Catherine. She angrily muttered something as she moved to a different seat on the bus. I was shocked. I couldn’t tell if Catherine had noticed or not. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what to say. Was this gross and uncalled for interaction a common experience for my friend? Then I got mad at myself for my own naivety towards the situation. One of my greatest hopes for our present day and future world is that the hearts and minds of hateful individuals begin to soften and open. That they begin to embrace,respect, and love other people and cultures.
Tragic and horrible events continue to teach me the injustices and hate that the Asian community continues to face on a daily basis in the United States and abroad. My sweet, hilarious, and brilliant friend is so much more than a statistic, but every time I hear of violence or racism towards Asians, I think of her. I think of her family. I think of her heart that is so full of love and joy.
Shaynee Sherwood lives in Kansas City, Kansas where she teaches at a private school that specializes in helping students with learning differences. As someone who is dyslexic herself, Shaynee is a strong advocate for the neurodivergent community. In her free time, Shaynee enjoys writing, yoga, and learning more about herself and the world.
My dearest older cousin, Millie Yung, and Sister Linda were friends at St. Johns University, Shanghai. Linda was Ms. Linda TSAO then, so I would cheerfully address her “TSAO GA JIA JIA“ in Shanghainese.
Since Yuelin Yang became a FF Brother, his Mother naturally became my “YANG GA MM MA”. But, by FF Fraternity’s simplistic logic “ All immediate female relatives are “FF. SISTERS”. So in FF circles, she automatically became my “Sister Linda”.
But since Sister Linda is my most admired old friend and colleague from The 199O Institute, I sometimes salute her “ AMBASSADOR YANG “ for her prominent role as the U.S. Ambassador at the ADB (Asian Development Bank – appointed by President Bill Clinton – 1993-1999 ).
I first want to take this opportunity to thank “Sister Linda” who in 2003 helped arrange an opportunity for me to visit UC Davis’s Mondavi Center for Performing Arts ( one of the best acoustical chambers in the U.S. ) – as I was trying to persuade Ningbo University ( Ningbo is my ancestral home ) to build a First Class Music Center.
“Sister Linda” treated me graciously with her delicious home-cooking at her home in Davis. To this day, I still remember her succinct advices, her warmth, her fantastic Chinese paintings on the walls, and an unusually large and beautifully bonded book titled: “SUN TZE BING FA. ( The Art of War ). I was profoundly impressed.
Many of us already know about Sister Linda’s many spectacular achievements. They were mostly mentioned in the FF Announcement for this FF Strong Town Hall Zoom.
However, I think we all want to learn HOW she accomplished WHAT she did, and from Where came her MAGIC ?
I would first examine why she was awarded the “Distinguished Service Medal” by the U.S Department Treaury and the “Honorary Citizen & City’s Favorite Daughters Award” by Shanghai’s People’s Congress.
It had been explained that the “Distinguished Service Award” was for her steering the bank towards policies and practices which made development assistance more equitable, and enduring, and her key role in defining the bank’s participation in the international response to the Asian Economic Crisis of 1997-98.
The Shanghai “Honorary Citizen Award”- was for her bringing international technology and standards in water quality management to the Suzhou Creek environmental cleaning and revitalizing Project – most beneficial to China and to Shanghai, her Ancestral Home.
It seems to me, to accomplish what she did required: first having deep purpose and foresight / then ability to analyze complex problems – technically, economically, and diplomatically / optimizing and prioritizing various opportunities / providing persuasive policy ideas and plans / and finally leveraging her personal integrity, credibility, and charm. I think the last aspect may be the most unique about Sister Linda that we should learn from her.
Indeed, at this Zoom gathering, we can learn a lot by LISTENING closely to WHAT Sister Linda has to say, and WATCH closely on HOW she tells her stories. I would pay close attention to her VERBAL & FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
If we seriously wish to learn from her, we must watch her Manners and Composure and capture her Inner Spirit : her Compassion, her Dedication, her Optimism, her Constant Striving, her Pride & Modesty, and her unique Shanghai Sentimentality.
Now, Let us Watch and Listen Closely to Sister Linda.
Di and Linda did a mini-survey among a number of long-time Ladaera residents and summarized their findings below : From Lennie Roberts :
Hi Di, This is a bit tangential to Billy’s questions, but I think our community spirit is rooted in the vision of the Founders who formed the original Cooperative. The early days had people sharing lots of resources. When we moved here in 1965, there were monthly square dancing nights with a live caller – for all ages and abilities – at the school multi-purpose room. In the 1970’s the “lady Managers” organized a great variety of summer arts and crafts, and fun sports activities for kids of all ages. Lowell Johnson organized Movie Nights there as well- geared primarily to the kids, But adults used to go too.
All of these have kept evolving, and I never fail to be impressed by the LRD’s key role in the community, and every issue of the Crier which knits our neighborhoods together in myriad ways.
From Noel Hirst :
Thank you for asking this question. Friendship in Ladera is the ability to create your village, that group of people that comes together to support each other’s families, children, neighbors with words of wisdom, actions, caring acts of kindness. I takes a village and we create our special village in Ladera.
No matter how long it has been since you have seen a neighbor, you pick up where you left off and have shared knowledge of the community and experiences.
The Ladera community creates and nurtures a desire to volunteer and support the community, community events, and each other’s causes.
The goodness in our community drives us to want to see one another, to gather on our blocks, at events, or at the shopping center to chat, to catch up, socialize. Many other neighborhoods do not have this draw to meet and greet new and long time neighbors.
We have comradery at our neighborhood events. We have fun with our local friends. Ladera has a special shared vibe of connectedness.
Craig and I do believe that he Rec Center is a major draw that helps to build these connections, as it is where you meet much of the neighborhood when you first move here. However, the spirit or vive allows you to be connected even if you are not a Rec visitor. You can connect on your block, and on the paths. ( See Billy’s comments regarding paths )now
From Conversation with Another Longtime Resident :
She said she didn’t want to respond in writing because she felt that the “Newcomers” make no effort to be friends with the “Longtimers”. She says every time she has new neighbors, she brings them cookies or does something to welcome them, but never feels like they ever respond or reach out in friendship which she thinks is so much different than when she moved here 50 years ago.
Overall Observation:
On many Ladera streets and cul de sacs, there is still good interaction between the old and the young neighbors. But clearly people today seem to be much more preoccupied than before.
As a student of Architecture and Planning, I learned that this hillside community of approximately 540 families now was cleverly planned with basically “the main loops with stings of cul de sacs attached”. The concept is very much like that of Yale University’s Residential College System. The smaller colleges allow the development of more intimate relationships, yet they are pulled together by the centralized library and athletic facilities. Furthermore, an unique Ladera Pedestrian Trail System, crisscrossing the entire property, has allow neighbors to take short cuts – favorite pathways for imaginative children, especially.
Since the birth of this Friendshipology website https://friendshipology.net – September 2019 – I have collected about 130 essays – few written by myself, and mostly by my very supportive friends. The collection shines light on various aspects about Friendship, but indeed it has further deepened the love and bonding between me and my wonderful friends. Moreover, the deeper understanding about my friends’ thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and aspirations, has encouraged me to introduce many of them to each other – hoping to expand this “Good Supportive Feeling” generally, and perhaps inspire some of them to consider possible cooperation or collaborations on their worthy endeavors. Most enthusiastically, I decided to make “CONNECTING FRIENDS TO FRIENDS” to be a major goal for this Friendshipology Initiative.
Annette Isaacson 30 year resident of Palo Alto, Retired PAUSD ESL Teacher, CCIS President
CCIS (Community Committee for International Students at Stanford University) is an organization that provides support to International Grad Students, Post-Docs, Visiting Scholars and their families at Stanford. Some of our popular programs include Homestay, English in Action (Converse and Connect), Friday Morning Coffee, English Classes, and so many more. See: website: ccisStanfordU.org
Spring has brought blossoms to the trees and blooms to our gardens…so much beauty all around. But Spring has also brought us a reminder that prejudice and bigotry are endemic in America. We see it in the trial of Derek Chauvin and in the increasing episodes of violence against Asian Americans. For those of us in CCIS who love having contact with internationals from all over the world, it is difficult to understand this level of hatred and bigotry.
At first I wanted to think that this problem was happening somewhere else, not in Palo Alto, but my friend’s forty year old son was harassed just this weekend while jogging in the park. Someone yelled at him to “Go back where you came from.” He’s an Asian American, born and raised in Palo Alto. Sadly, Palo Alto is not immune to this kind of bigotry. Just as we prepare for earthquakes or power shut-offs, we should all probably prepare for how we will respond the next time we see harassment.
How you respond will depend upon the circumstances, but thinking about how to respond before you find yourself thrust into that situation, will be helpful. In the case of the murder of George Floyd, all the bystanders could do was document it with their phone cameras. As we have seen, the evidence may be important later on. Sometimes you may be able to get help to stop the harassment or the violence by calling 911 or by asking other bystanders for help. Bullies will often leave when confronted by a group. If the harassment has not become violent, you may be able to interrvene by pretending to know the victim and saying something like, “Hey, old friend, long time no see. Do you want to get out of here and go get a cup of coffee?” If the victim takes the hint and leaves the scene with you, you may just find that you have found a new friend. Sometimes you may only feel comfortable going up to the victim afterwards and saying how awful you feel that this happened to them. Whatever you feel you are able to do, it’s most important to let the victim know s/he is not alone and that you don’t condone what has happened.
BILLY’S COMMENTS: CCIS and USCPFA-S.Bay are two communities where I volunteered to learn about Cross-cultural Bonding. Thru CCIS’s EIA ( English in Action Program ), Dr. Junichi Matsubara from Kyoto , Japan and I had almost three years of weekly conversations to practise English. We became truly intimate friends, and he named his son – born at Stanford Hospital – Little Billy. That is, indeed, my most gratifying life reward.
Jocko passed away 6/6/2020. The title could have been, “THE TRAVELS OF A BULLDOG AND 3 TIGERS ”
The year was 1953. Four 1951 Andover Classmates reunited in the bowels of the S.S. Zuiderkruis, a converted World War II Liberty Ship. Jocko was the sole Yalie. Doc Castle, Gordon Douglas and Roger Gilbert were Princeton roommates.
In Jocko’s words: “The crossing from New York to Rotterdam took 16 days. The passengers were all college students with a female/male ratio of 7 to 1. Heineken cost .10 cents a bottle, hard booze .17 cents.
“We mixed martinis in the small sink in our below-the-waterline, 4- person cabin, and never knew if it was night or day, probably ushering in what is now known as Spring Break. On landing in Holland, we bought a Citroen on an 8-week buy-back. The total cost for 8 weeks was $400 dollars. We toured England and Scotland, and most of the countries in Europe, sleeping in hotels only 5 nights.
“We searched out farm lands, slept on a Loch Ness beach, any other open space we could, under the stars. One night we were awakened by a farmer pointing his pitchfork at us. He herded us back to the farmhouse, and made us clean up at the outdoor water pump. All the while, his wife was making breakfast for us.”
Jock sent me this with a poignant note hinting about the future. “George, if I had your newfound talent, and more time left, I could write a lengthy memoir of that trip. I am in hospice with no guess as to how long, but am being kept relatively free from pain and in fine mental shape except for short term memory. Keep up the good work! I haven’t seen Doc or Gordie since our 50 th . If they are still with us, maybe they could write a memoir of that trip.”
Gordon responded. “Jocko, you did a great job telling our story. There are lots of others, the rabbits in the UK, the dog in Italy, the German motorcyclist, and the time our sleeping bags were stolen in Paris. I met my first wife on the trip. Rog is not faring well. Glad to hear you are doing relatively well.”
Doc added, “The good old days. Wonderful memories! Rog, Gordie and I were Princeton roommates, and Cap & Gown club mates. Jock was first cousin of Marty Moore, Roger’s bride-to-be several years later. Roger was best man at my weddings, first and second, 33 years apart. My life has been productive in banking, law and government, I’m blessed with good health. I’m very fortunate.
Jocko responded very quickly. “Thanks, Gordie, wonderful to hear from you and Doc, and happy to hear you’re both still at it. More and more of that trip is coming back as one of the highlights of a long life. George, if I had your late-in-life learned talent, I, with Doc and Gordie’s help and perhaps censorship, would write a companion book to yours.”
“Three more snippets for Gordie and Doc: Roger competing bravel but falling badly throwing the hammer at the Highland Games in Inverness; one more of us, (I know it wasn’t me) trying to rock climb the cliff to the Edinburgh Castle at night; and drawing straws as to who had to sit in the front seat with our terribly boring tour guide in Holland. He did get back in our graces when we ended up with a wonderful Indonesian meal, and a non-participating tour of the red-light district in Amsterdam. Best wishes and thanks to all for the memories to all.” Joc
All of the above back and forth took place in two days, December 8 th and 9 th , 2019. Billy Lee emailed Jock, 12/8/2019, “What a great story, and so animatedly told. I can’t believe you are in hospice! Sounds like you are in a bar with friends, telling great stories as usual!” Our dear friend Jocko may have passed, but his stories – like our friendships – live on.
ALANA ( Billy’s No. One Grand Child ) with parents
What I find so lovely about friendships are how unique yet equally strong each one is. There are three friendships that particularly stand out to me right now, each that have begun at different points in time, but are all among the most special relationships in my life.
Friendships are beautiful in the way they live for so long. The first true friend I’ve ever had is Sequoia, whom I met in preschool, where we’d spend our play time acting as characters in another world. Even though we split off to different schools, we stayed close though playdates and winter and summer vacations with our families. As we got older, we were able to communicate through our phones and make more plans to hang out. Even when we haven’t seen each other for a few months, our level of closeness comes back as though no time has passed since the last occasion. Our most recent excursions have been walking through town together and going to the beach, and we still text almost every day. Sequoia is the friend I get to be silly and adventurous with, but also provide for each other the strongest of support.
Friendships are beautiful in the way they change over time. Another close friend of mine is Rosy, whom I met in middle school, where we were both part of a small friend group that would eat lunch together and hang out after school. I wasn’t particularly good friends with her at first, but we gradually realized that we had similarities in our interests and overall attitudes towards school, people, and life in general. We spent more time as just the two of us in freshman year of high school, and continue to make plans to see each other this year. Rosy and I often go on bike rides or do other forms of exercise, having refreshing and fun conversations. When we text each other, our messages are long and meaningful, expressing care and prompting a true reflection on how we are currently doing.
Friendships are beautiful in the way they emerge unexpectedly. I met my good friend Hanna a few years ago at a Berkeley running club. We went to different middle schools at the time, but would see each other at workouts and talk occasionally. We got to know each other better in freshman year on the cross country team, and became close friends quite quickly. I learned that we have similar personalities, which helps us understand each other’s challenges and goals. For instance, as both reserved people, we talk about how we hope to become better at speaking up in group settings and work together on becoming more outgoing. Hanna and I love to have deep conversations for hours over picnics, take long bike rides, check out new stores in town, as well as encourage each other in school and on the running team.
My friendships are what excite me for school, exercise, and adventure. Every friendship, no matter how close, is such a motivation for me: to be there for someone and to make memorable experiences with, to learn from and to deepen.
BILLY’s COMMENTS : Alana is my No. One grandchild. She is now a blossoming teenager. I love her calmness and thoughtfulness gaining steadily more self-confidence and socialabilty. For sure, she is a most reliable young friend of mine. I thank her for writing this essay for my FRIENDSHIPOLOGY website.
After the pandemic be sure to start hugging again! Why? Because hugging is practically perfect.· It helps the body’s immune system.· It cures depression.· It reduces stress.· It’s rejuvenating.· It has no unpleasant side effects.· It is all natural—contains no chemicals, artificial ingredients, pesticides, nor preservatives!· There are no parts to break down, no monthly payments, non-taxable, non-polluting, and best of all it’s fully returnable!
In case you need a refresher course on how to give and receive hugs, take a look at the pictures below.
( Originally published at 1990 Institute, reprinted with permission of the author.)
Frances Kai-Hwa Wang is a journalist, essayist, and poet focused on issues of Asian America, race, justice, and the arts. Her writing has appeared at NBCAsianAmerica, PRI GlobalNation, Cha Asian Literary Journal, Kartika Review, Drunken Boat. She teaches Asian/Pacific Islander American Studies at University of Michigan and creative writing at University of Hawaii Hilo. She co-created a multimedia artwork for Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center. She is a Knight Arts Challenge Detroit artist. franceskaihwawang.com @fkwang .
Women’s History Month started with a bang as Chloe Zhao won the Golden Globe Award for Best Director of a Motion Picture and Best Picture Drama for Nomadland. She is the first Asian woman to win the award, and only the second woman (following Barbara Streisand for Yentl in 1984). Chinese in China and Asian Americans celebrated, although some Chinese pushed back because although Zhao was born in Beijing, she left China at 15 to go to school in the UK and the US, asking if she was Chinese enough.
Adding to this year’s Golden Globe excitement was Minari’s win for Best Foreign Language film, although this categorization was controversial. Asian Americans felt the sting of not being considered American enough because the characters spoke Korean, even though the film was set in America, made by American production companies, directed by an American, starred American actors, and told the classic story of the American Dream.
“Minari is about a family,” said director Lee Isaac Chung while holding his seven-year-old daughter during the award ceremony. “It’s a family trying to learn how to speak a language of its own. It goesdeeper than any American language and any foreign language. It’s a language of the heart, and I’m trying to learn it myself and to pass it on, and I hope we’ll all learn how to speak this language of love to each other, especially this year.”
Learning how to speak a language of family, home, and community is powerful, especially as Asian Americans seek community solutions to recent violence against Asian Americans
After Haijun Si and his family moved into a new neighborhood in Orange County last fall, teenagers and children repeatedly rang the doorbell, pounded on the door, threw rocks, yelled racial slurs, and told them to “go back to your country.” Then neighbors volunteered to help stand watch outside the Sis’ home every night so that the Sis can finally eat dinner in peace and their children can sleep through the night. For Lunar New Year, the entire neighborhood came together as a community to celebrate with lanterns and lion dancing.
“Communities can take care of one other,” said Lateefah Simon, President of Akonadi Foundation, at the 1990 Institute webinar, Beyond Headlines: Protecting Asian Americans during Violent Times, last week. “I am so inspired by our folks reclaiming the narrative. That our folks are not pitted against each other. Yes there is deep violence, there is deep hurt, there is deep pain. But that must not be the end. When communities come together, as they have in Oakland and across the country, we continue our lineage of a human and civil rights movement in this country.”
“What has really encouraged me is to see the Asian American community flock together, said Russell M. Jeung, San Francisco State University Professor of Asian American Studies, Stop AAPI hate Co-Founder, and the 1990 Institute Advisory Council member at the 1990 Institute webinar. “They are standing up at whatever organization they belong to – whether it’s a church or a school place, they are taking leadership in saying, ‘This is wrong,’ and they are getting their local institutions to pass resolutions to say anti-Asian racism is not condoned.
Billy’s Comments: I am a Chinese American. I am a big fan of Frances and truly admire her Community Spirit and her scholarship. I truely believe that however difficult it is, we must focus on building Global Family, Global Community, Global Friendship, and United Global Language as our ultimate goal together.
