Here’s what Chat GPT spit out – March 22, 2023

Yes, there are parallels between the art of cooking and the art of building friendships. Both require a certain level of creativity, patience, and practice to succeed. Here are some examples:

1. Creativity: Just as chefs use their creativity to create unique and delicious dishes, friends can use their creativity to find new and interesting ways to spend time together, such as trying out new activities or exploring new places.
2. Patience: Cooking and building friendships both require patience. Just as a chef must wait for a dish to cook to perfection, friends must be patient and invest time and effort to build and nurture their relationships.
3. Practice: Both cooking and building friendships require practice to improve and refine one’s skills. Just as a chef must practice their cooking techniques and recipes to perfect their craft, friends must practice their communication and social skills to build strong relationships.
4. Balance: In cooking, the right balance of ingredients is crucial to create a harmonious dish. Similarly, in building friendships, the right balance of effort and time is essential to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
5. Communication: Communication is vital in both cooking and building friendships. Chefs must communicate with their team to create the perfect dish, while friends must communicate their thoughts and feelings to build trust and understanding.
6. Trust: Just as diners trust chefs to create delicious and safe food, friends need to trust each other to be honest, supportive, and reliable.

In conclusion, the art of cooking and the art of building friendships share many similarities. Both require creativity, patience, practice, balance, communication, and trust to succeed. By nurturing these qualities, we can create delicious meals, strong relationships, and lasting friendships.

 Billy’s Comments: My next question may be: ,”How to make a Friendship Stew?” ___________________________________________________

By Mike Sterling – March  19, 2023

I asked Chat GPT how sharing a meal can help make better friends … 

I couldn’t have said it better..

Sharing a meal can help make people better friends in several ways:

1. Builds trust and openness: When you share a meal with someone, you’re sharing an experience that requires trust and vulnerability. It’s an opportunity to open up to one another, share stories, and be present with each other. This can create a stronger bond and foster a deeper level of trust between people.                              
2. Creates a sense of community: Food has the power to bring people together and create a sense of belonging. When you share a meal with someone, you’re creating a shared experience and a sense of community. This can help foster a sense of belonging and connectedness between people, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful friendships.
3. Sparks conversation: Food can be a great conversation starter. Whether you’re discussing the flavors of the dish, the ingredients used, or the cultural significance of the food, there’s always something to talk about. This can help break down barriers and create a more open and engaging conversation between people, leading to stronger friendships.
4. Offers opportunities to show care and affection: When you cook for someone or share a meal with them, it’s a way of showing care and affection. It’s a tangible way of expressing your appreciation for someone and can help build a stronger emotional connection between people.

Overall, sharing a meal can create a space for people to connect on a deeper level, build trust and openness, create a sense of community, spark conversation, and show care and affection. All of these factors can help make people better friends and strengthen the bonds of friendship.

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Billy’s Comments:

It helps when the food is delicious, the setting is good, and there is no rush.

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I have two friends whom I have not yet met face to face, although we

have met via Zoom once and exchanged emails only a few times. I

consider them “ TRUE FRIENDS OF OUR WORLD – MY NON -SIBI SED

OMNIBUS FRIENDS “.  I truly love, admire, and respect them.

JOSHUA FREEDMAN is a specialist on Emotional Intelligence, an

author, and CEO at SIX SECONDS, a non-profit EQ NETWORK

dedicated to teaching Emotional Intelligence around the World.

 <www.6seconds.org> <en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Freedman>

RICK HANSON, Ph.D. is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of UC Berkeley’s

Greater Good Science Center , founder of  Wellspring Institute for

Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, and many times New York

Times best-selling author.  

<amazon.com/Rick-Hanson Books/s?k=Rick+Hanson&rh=n%3A283155>

Amazingly, our Friendship grows as I faithfully read their

weekly e-messages. They truly nurture me spiritually.

This week, Six Seconds wrote about “How to get more JOY from

FREUDENFREUDE.”  Definition of FREUDENFREUDE is simply “Taking

 pleasure and enjoying another person’s success.” ( Schadenfreude is

just the opposite – Taking pleasure in other’s Misery.) 

I actually experienced this unique Feeling of Joy recently when I

congratulated Will Schwalbe and Brian Wong’s on getting their books

published. Will’s “We Should Not Be Friends” and Brian’s “The Tao of

Alibaba” are truly much needed contributions to our World.

Rick Hanson introduced his CHANGE YOUR MIND – Relationship

Program- just after THE STRONG HEART. 

He presented his programs in a joyful, and mellow caring tone

and demeanor. The graphic images used especially help many of us

feel and connect with his messages. For example:

I truly Love, admire, and respect these two fellows, because I believe

that they are sincerely doing what they do to benefit the World, and

they do it so effectively.

They are TRUE FRIENDS OF OUR WORLD and MY NON SIBI SED

OMNIBUS FRIENDS.

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Billy’s Thoughts

I am so grateful to have received a signed copy of this book from my FF Brother, Brian A. Wong. THE TAO OF ALIBABA elicited most optimistically how Jack Ma and his Alibaba Team achieved their stupendous success from the start – with NO TECH, NO PLAN, and NO MONEY. In praising THE TAO OF ALIBABA, Dr. Parag Khanna, International bestselling author of THE FUTURE IS ASIAN, suggested, ” This book will teach entrepreneurs how to build a global business better than any MBA course ever could.”

For me, I was especially impressed by Jack Ma’s advice to Brian, when the latter was thinking of striking out on his own to achieve meaningful contributions. Jack obviously knew Brian’s personality and capabilities very well already. His advice to Brian was succinct and specifically suited: “ Go deeply explore some poorest locations and communities.” I think Jack knew that Brian will find the True Compass, and Opportunities and Urgent Challenges are waiting there in abundance for solutions.

Helping and Caring to uplift people in need – inclusively, intelligently, and determinedly – is essentially what THE TAO Of ALIBABA is about. I also learned from this book that Teaching, Educating, and Sharing Knowledge – proudly yet humbly – are important in our efforts to serve the World together. We know that Jack Ma is a superb LEADER-Teacher. Brian has similar Capabilities and Compassion. THE TAO OF ALIBABA unquestionably is a very helpful Global Teaching Tool. Thank you, Brian, for sharing your unique personal experience with all of us. You are a dear personal friend, and you are a true “Friend of Our World”.

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By Billy Lee – PA 1951

Norman Allenby, Bob Doran, Billy Lee , and George Rider met at Phillips Academy Andover as first year students in 1947. They have stayed in touch over the years and recently came together as they reached 90, to propose the launching of an Intergenerational Historically Memorable Project to commemorate Andover’s Contribution in Educating Global Teenagers. Particularly meaningful to them are Andover’s NON SIBI motto and the Diversity and Cross-cultural Inter-connectedness encouraged at this very special Melting Pot Community.

Billy understands that Andover’s “Non Sibi” means “Not For One’s Self ”. It actually implies “Non Sibi Sed Aliis” or “Not for Self but for Others” and “Non Sibi Sed Omnibus” or “Not for Self but for All”. The Bond connecting Norm, Bob, George, and Billy is not a commonly social one. They are bonded by the Spirit of Non Sibi learned at Andover. In their separate lives, each had done laudable deeds- Not for Self but for Others. Norm promoted Water Reuse. Bob promoted Culture and Art. George lifted underprivileged youths to gain better education. Billy attempted to build Good Feelings between U.S. his father and China his mother. Billy and Norm went to China together to introduce Norm’s Bio-chem Water Purification System. Bob contributed to Billy’s Chinese Children’s Environment Art Exhibitions throughout US. for two years. As our class correspondence secretary, George always mentioned Billy’s project in every PA Alumni issue.

Billy is thankful for Andover’s emphasis on the School’s Motto, in words as well as in deeds. The school is purposefully in service to its own community as well as the society at large and tries to make both more inclusive and equitable.

Billy recently recollected a few incidents at Andover when Non Sibi or True Caring was truly felt:
1  Summoned to Dean Benedict’s office. Instead of being disciplined, he was told that his father had financial difficulty, but Andover had a job for him at the Common’s Kitchen. Dean Benedict gave Billy a firm hand squeeze. Ms. Dickey, the Dean’s secretary, gave Billy the warmest smile.

2  Mrs. O’Conner from the town of Andover did laundry for Andover students. Billy was the delivery boy. She always prepared Tea and cookies for Billy. She always asked about Billy’s family in China.

3. Gordon Hammond ’50 helped Billy do his homework when Billy could not fully understand what he was reading. Gordon invited Billy to Gordon’s New Hampshire home where Billy first tasted fermented apple cyder.

4  House Master Harold Howe took Billy and a few other Andover students who couldn’t go home on Thanksgiving to go climb Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire. Billy learned about sharing Group Fun in the Great Outdoors.

5  English Teacher, Hart Levitt, volunteered his private time to coach Billy for the Senior Essay Reading Competition. Hart Levitt’s advice: “Speak with your Heart. Never Mind too much about Correctness.” Billy shall always remember him as Mr. “HeartLevitt”.  Although the title of that Essay was ” Why I Do Not Want to Become An American Citizen ?” Billy became An American Citizen and now considers America his Father and China his Mother, and he must do what he can to sustain that Good Relationship.

6  Of course, Abbie Emmons from Abbot first taught Billy how to dance and how to explore Goodwill Friendships. Reach out and smile warmly. That’s the Non Sibi Spirit !

_________________________________________________

Will Schwalbe and Chris Maxey, in my opinion, are destined to become friends.  They are both likable human beings who very much wanted to be liked. They basically believed in the value of Friendship from the start and was willing to risk the full Senior Year at Yale– two nights every week- to mix with fourteen especially diverse classmates most of whom they did not know well. BZ, Berzelius Senior or Secret Society at Yale indeed brought them together, and the BZ’s Audit tradition indeed encouraged them to explore personal differences and find beauty in the other persons.

The story focused on Will (a Nerd) and Maxey (a Jock) joining BZ. Will is also Gay while Maxey became a Navy Seal. Normally that is not going to mix well. It took time to learn about one another. It took many special moments and the right atmosphere to spark connectedness and eventually intimacy. The book described their growing friendship from Bright College Year, to Twenties and Thirties, to Midlife, Forties, Fifties, Middle Fifties, Pushing Sixty, and Coda.  I salute the two fellers for being honest and sincere – more importantly civil and respectful- and indeed their conscientious efforts to keep good vibes continuing. Each feller is intrinsically Loving and Lovable and each possessed amazing abilities and character. Their separate life stories are genuinely impressive notwithstanding.

I truly believe that The BZ Audit Tradition indeed challenged their quest to form Friendship with different contrasting personalities.  Indeed, BZ had a reputation for emphasizing Diversity. It was the first among the Secret Societies at Yale to admit Black members. It was the first to welcome Female members. I believe I was recruited partially because I came to the U.S. from Shanghai, China. The Audit Program was carefully guided, and it has been proven to be very successful. BZ’s Mission: Achieving Insight thru Open, Honest, Exchanges of Experiences – a Place for Contemplation & Reflection- Develop Good Characters, Tolerant of Others- Forging links, Mind to Mind, in a Chain Unbroken.

Place of Engagement is significant to me, an Architect. For Will and Maxey, their magic place is the Roof of the Hall. The need to climb up thru a hatch and to find open sky must have affected their mind and opened their hearts.

I also believe in Angels. For me there is clearly a Third Person in this amazing story. On top of Page 170 David Singer yelled at Will: “He’s hurting. A lot. Just fucking call him.” Will called Maxey who was in distress. Very often a Friendship is guided or saved by a caring Third Friend.      ___________________________________________________________________________+

Taken from an article by Art Salzfass – Rossmoor Ukelele Club ( RUC )

Propinquity is the phenomenon of forming a bond between people you share some physical or psychological proximity with. Creating tight interpersonal bonds with the people who are around us most often is a natural human thing. According to Wikipedia, two people living on the same floor of a building have a higher propinquity than those living on different floors.

Propinquity implies being connected. It can come from spending time in a place “where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came.” There you hang out together and become a fixture.

 A recent study found it takes about 50 hours of propinquity to make a casual friend; 90 hours to make a real friend; and about 200 hours to create a close friend.

At Rossmoor, there is one big club, the RUC, and lots of subgroups each of which meets at a different time so members get to feel they belong in many ways. Each member can be part of an extended community and has several opportunities to bond with the other members: to develop friends, to have experiences together, to share adventures, to sing and play together, to laugh together. That’s why people join; that’s why people stay. Kinship – the benefits of belonging.

BILLY”S COMMENTS: As a socially- concerned Architect, I am especially interested in the designs of such places – the physical and psychological environments for the various social activities. Architects should focus more on the design of SOCIAL GATHERING PLACES – be they Coffee Shops, bars, Gyms, Swimming Pools, Reading Rooms, etc. etc. etc.

___________________________________________________________________

Billy – Feb. 2023

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The post in your blog about friendly architecture had me a little puzzled at first, as this is a new way of thinking for me about architecture. I had observed that architecture of makes a statement, for example through form and function, but friendliness hints at the subtle effects that architecture has on the soul and the senses. Shortly after reading the article, I found myself exploring the map of the US, curious about places and regions where I used to live or had traveled. A memory arose in my consciousness about a road that I used to drive on my way between Baltimore and the Albany, NY area shortly after graduating from college in the early 1970’s.. The road is The Taconic State Parkway.

Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia under the heading of Scenery:

Landscape architects such as Gilmore Clarke worked closely with engineers and construction crews during the Taconic’s construction, often on site. Some features of the road’s design address practical considerations and increase safety. Curves that climbed or descended were banked to increase vehicle traction and permit better drainage. Likewise the curves in undulating terrain are located to reduce blind spots at crests and keep the sharpest turns out of valleys. These also make sure that views of distant landscapes open up on downgrades and on long curves, when they are less distracting.^[12]

Closer to the road, on the northern sections in Columbia and Dutchess counties, the road was routed to showcase a nearby view of wooded hillside or a farm. Since trucks were not permitted on the road—for some time, this even included privately owned pickup trucks used solely for personal use—in many sections tree branches overhang the roadways, creating a park-like canopy. The curve of the northbound AMVETS Memorial Bridge over Croton Reservoir echoes the surrounding hills. On the medians and berms, plantings were carefully planned to maintain continuity with the surrounding woods. On the descent into Peekskill Hollow in Putnam Valley, the trees and shrubs above the retaining wall on the east side were transplanted from the path of the highway, which retained the appearance of the local forest and saved money.^[13] Overpasses, both carrying roads over the parkway and carrying it over roads, were faced in native stone.^[12] Grade intersections, usually a feature engineers tried to avoid, which initially helped keep local east–west routes open^[14] and connect the parkway to the landscape it traversed,^[15] have since either been closed or replaced by overpasses.

As a result, the Taconic has been the subject of much praise over the years not only for its vistas but for the way it harmonizes with the surrounding landscape. Sociologist Lewis Mumford, who often criticized the effect of superhighway construction on contemporary cities, always advised friends traveling up from New York to visit him at his house in Amenia that they should take the Taconic.^[16] He described it as “a consummate work of art, fit to stand on a par with our loftiest creations”.^[17] The engineers, he said, had avoided “brutal assaults against the landscape.” Albany-born novelist William Kennedy, whose family frequently drove the Taconic during his childhood to visit relatives further south, called it “a 110-mile [180 km] postcard. It’s the most beautiful road I’ve ever known—in all seasons.” “You can drive it with confidence”, said automotive writer David E. Davis. “There are no bad surprises about the way the road is engineered.”^[18] Landscape architect Garret Eckbo called the Taconic “as lovely an integration of highway engineering and landscape architecture as one could hope to find”.

 Commenting on this years later, architecture critic Matthew Gandy wrote:

Clarke’s design for the Taconic State Parkway, for example, provides a vivid example of a new kind of mediation among nature, technology and society, with what appears to be a delicate balance between the new infrastructural project and an imaginary natural order. Implicit within this aesthetic dialectic is the notion of engineering as an art form that can in some way embellish or even improve upon nature: there is no radical disjuncture here but a sense of aesthetic progression and purity of form.^[19]

So there you have it, one example of “friendly” architecture.

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^{Billy found the following Taconic State Parkway photos from Googling. He learned from Ed Wuenschel’s writing above that indeed FRIENDLINESS is a JOYFUL FEELING created thru THOUGHTFULNESS and UNDERSTANDING of HUMAN NATURE and our INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP to NATURE :}

^{FRIENDLINESS, indeed, privides a warm feeling of COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE SURROUNDING and the satisfaction of FEELING THE WONDERFUL BRIDGING and CONNECTING.}    

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Mike Sterling always looks for Sources of Inspirations for Billy’s https://friendshipology.net January 2023

Billy learned :

With Love, Kindness, Good Companions, and Mutual Support,  we will survive the dark storms together.                                                                   

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