Little House is a recreation center for ‘Independent Seniors’ in Menlo Park, Ca. My wife and I visit there every Thursday – first for Lucille’s  Qigong Exercise in the morning – then we stay for lunch to meet new friends. How lucky we are to have met two scholarly seniors recently. Joel Roberts, in his early 80s, was a professor in American History. Sterling Hardwood, in his mid 60s, is a scholar author on Philosophy and Law. In our early 90s, Lucille and I would not consider ourselves scholars, but we have good stories to share – many about our Chinese Heritage and about our relatives who have contributed towards recent Chinese History. We discovered instant rapport. Hard to explain; we now anxiously look forward to Thursdays at Little House  where we can continue our pleasing and mutually encouraging conversations.

From Left to Right : Joel, Billy, and Sterling April. 2024

Joel is more outgoing than Sterling. He seems to know everyone who walks by us. The passerby greets him with respect but more significantly with uplifting joy.  Quickly I learned that Joel is a Christian, but he has deep respect for many Buddhist Principles as well. He apparently involves himself in Peace Promoting activities which I need to learn much more about from him. Joel is an ‘Inspirational’ character with profound wisdom, a Beatle Haircut and a Wide Smile. An easily Lovable Character indeed !

Sterling and I both went to Ivy League schools on the East Coast. He to Cornell and I to Yale. We both played soccer on the varsity teams – he was a defensive full back and I a center forward .  I cannot forget that it was in a Yale vs Cornell game where I was permanently injured as the Cornell Fullback and I both jumped to head a high-flying ball in front of the Cornell goal post. I landed awkwardly and twisted my left knee. It was no one’s fault, and we are all so proud of the fact that we soccer players are the only people in all sports who actually use their heads.

Sterling apparently uses his Brain as well as his head . He has authored several books and taught causes on professional & Business Ethics, Introduction to Philosophy, Critical Thinking, Moral Issues, Philosophy of the Person (philosophy of mind), Science, Technology & Human Values. His knowledge about Philosophy and Law caused me to ask him to write something on Friendship & Justice for my https://friendshipology.net. He agreed, but before that he made me read Cicero’s De Senectute, De Amicita, and De Divinatione – an English translation by William Armistead Falconer. I wondered why. We are going to explore that this coming Thursday.

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by Billy Lee – Feb. 2024

 So many surprises happened one after another last month.

First a letter from Spokane, Washington by a fellow who signed his name Xiong Yu.

Dear Lee Lao, Miss old days. Still remember your visit in Shanghai almost 30 years ago? The guest on the right doing fine? Wish everyone well in 2024 !   

Xiong Yu, Billy, & Yuan Li – 1994 Shangha

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A second letter from a young lady from Toronto, Canada.

My name is Christine. My grandfather Alex Yu passed away in Vancouver in March 2022. My family and I (we live in Toronto) are still in the process of going through his things and one of things we came across is the attached letter accompanied by the Li (Lee) family tree carefully tucked into a folder in his desk. I googled the name on the letterhead and found your website. Not sure if you are the same William Ming Sing Lee with family roots from Ningbo? If you are, that is incredibly exciting as I have always wanted to learn more about my family’s history. And if not, I would just like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your website and the wisdom you are trying to impart. 

Sincerely,  c. 

Below Attached: The letter found in Christine’s grandfather’s desk.

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A third letter came from Christine Ho, daughter of my FF Brother Larry Ho:

Hi Uncle Billy

,I recently digitized my family’s old slides. Here are a couple with you in them. Do you recognize these handsome young men?! I would love to see you again. In fact, I am coming out to the SF area on February 11th and staying with Adrian for a couple of days before heading up to Marin County to hang out with my daughter’s family. On the 11th we will surely be watching the Super Bowl, but are you open on Monday the 12th? If you are, Pete and I could visit. We could easily pick up some restaurant take-out and bring it to your house for lunch or dinner. Or we could bring over tea/coffee and some snacks. Whatever is easiest for you. It would be great to see Prescott if he is available but it sounds like it’s far for Gary to come. The last time I saw Pres and Gary, it was 1984 and they were helping me load my boxes into my car so I could move from your house to my first away-from-home apartment in Mountain View!

FF Bros. Left to Right: Frank Tung, Wm. Wu, Larry Ho ( Christine’s Dad),                                Bob Lee, and Billy Lee – FF Boston Lodge 1954 ?

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Xiong Yu was in fact the young college grad I met on the train from Shanghai to Ningbo 30 some years ago. He was indeed super kind in helping me carry my luggage off the train.

Christine Yu found the right William Ming Sing Lee. We are indeed related. Her grandfather’s mother was a Lee. I immediately replied to her and warmly embraced her as my new grandniece. I sent her a photo of me and my wife, and she sent me back one of her with her brother and sister.

Christine Ho is herself a grandmother now. She, her husband Peter, brother Adrian, gathered at our home Monday for lunch, with Lucille and me and our two sons Prescott and Gary. The younger generation members are only a year apart from one another. We treasure our generational connection.

Left to Right: Gary, Lucille, Peter, Christine, Billy, and Prescott                                     Photo by  Adrain Ho – Feb. 12, 2024

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Billy wrote to Dr. Rick Hanson <drrh@rickhanson.net> Feb. 1, 2024

Dear Rick – Dr. Hanson,

I hope you and Forrest will talk about the following question one day. This actually is about a recent discovery about my own behavior.

We were having problems with rats & mice in our house. With help from a hired exterminator we shut off all possible entries for rats to enter into the house then set up traps to catch those within. Yes, it was very successful. We caught four – all slaughtered bloody and mercilessly. No more rats in our house !

Then we also had ants invading our kitchen counter. I swiped them up with a sponge and washed them down the drain. More appeared non stop, I smashed them with my bare fingers. After a cousin installed a trap that first attracted the ants then sent them back with poison to infect the whole colony. Very Successful indeed. All clear now. What satisfaction !

I feel guilty however. I wonder about my own claim for having Compassion. It seems that it was with Brute Power that I Got Rid of These Deplorables. My only rationale was they invaded my property line – which they did not know existed.

I need some Breathing Exercises to calm me down. It does not seem possible.

Cheers !

Billy

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ChatGPT

Teaching elementary students about trust and forgiveness is a valuable and important aspect of their social and emotional development. When introducing these concepts, it’s helpful to use age-appropriate language and engaging activities. Here are some words and games you can incorporate into your lessons:

Trust:

Words:

1. Trustworthy: Reliable and can be trusted.
2. Reliability: Being dependable and consistent.
3. Honesty: Telling the truth and being straightforward.
4. Responsibility: Taking ownership of one’s actions and duties.
5. Consistency: Being the same over time, predictable.
6. Dependable: Someone or something that can be relied upon.

Games and Activities:

1. Trust Circle:

1. Have students form a circle and take turns falling backward, relying on their classmates to catch them. This helps build trust and teamwork.

2. Team-building Games:

2. Engage students in various team-building activities that require trust, such as trust walks or trust falls.

3. Storytelling:

3. Share stories or read books that highlight the importance of trust and the consequences of breaking trust.

Forgiveness:

Words:

1. Forgiveness: Letting go of anger or resentment towards someone who has wronged you.
2. Empathy: Understanding and sharing the feelings of others.
3. Apology: A sincere expression of regret or remorse.
4. Reconciliation: Restoring a friendly relationship after a conflict.
5. Understanding: The ability to comprehend the feelings and perspectives of others.

Games and Activities:

1. Role-playing:

1. Encourage students to engage in role-playing scenarios where they practice forgiving and apologizing.

2. Forgiveness Circle:

2. Sit in a circle and discuss situations where forgiveness is needed. Encourage open dialogue about forgiveness and its importance.

3. Art and Writing Activities:

3. Have students express their understanding of forgiveness through drawings or writing. This can help them process their emotions and thoughts.

4. Story Sharing:

4. Share stories or read books that emphasize the power of forgiveness. Discuss the characters’ emotions and actions, promoting empathy and understanding.

Remember to create a safe and supportive environment where students feel comfortable exploring these concepts and sharing their thoughts and feelings. Incorporating these words and activities into your curriculum can help instill valuable social and emotional skills in elementary students.

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Please describe the exact steps taken in a Forgiveness Circle Exercise

ChatGPT

A Forgiveness Circle exercise is a structured activity designed to facilitate open communication and understanding about forgiveness among participants. Here are the steps you can take in conducting a Forgiveness Circle Exercise:

Steps:

1. Introduction:

1. Start by explaining the purpose of the Forgiveness Circle. Emphasize that it’s a safe space for sharing and understanding forgiveness.

2. Setting Guidelines:

2. Establish ground rules to ensure a respectful and supportive environment. Encourage active listening, empathy, and confidentiality.

3. Circle Formation:

3. Arrange the participants in a circle, either sitting on the floor or in chairs. The circle setup fosters a sense of equality and inclusion.

4. Opening Meditation or Activity:

4. Begin with a brief meditation, deep-breathing exercise, or a calming activity to create a focused and relaxed atmosphere.

5. Introduction of Forgiveness Concept:

5. Briefly discuss the concept of forgiveness, emphasizing that it involves letting go of anger or resentment towards someone who has wronged you.

6. Sharing Personal Stories:

6. Invite participants to share personal stories or experiences related to forgiveness. Encourage them to express their feelings and describe the impact of forgiveness on their lives.

7. Active Listening:

7. Stress the importance of active listening during the sharing process. Participants should listen attentively without interrupting, offering supportive body language to the speaker.

8. Empathy Exercise:

8. Facilitate an empathy-building exercise where participants reflect on the feelings and perspectives of others. This can involve role-playing or discussing hypothetical scenarios.

9. Apology and Forgiveness:

9. Discuss the role of apologies in the forgiveness process. Explore the significance of sincere apologies and how they contribute to healing relationships.

10. Reflective Questions:

10. Pose reflective questions to the group, such as:

10. What does forgiveness mean to you?
11. How do you feel when someone forgives you?
12. What challenges do you face in forgiving others?

11. Group Discussion:

11. Encourage a group discussion where participants can share insights, ask questions, and express their thoughts on forgiveness. Facilitate an open dialogue that promotes understanding.

12. Closing Ritual:

12. Conclude the Forgiveness Circle with a closing ritual, such as a gratitude circle or a final meditation. Reinforce the importance of the shared experience and the lessons learned.

13. Follow-up:

13. Consider providing resources or activities for participants to continue exploring forgiveness outside the circle. Emphasize the ongoing nature of forgiveness and personal growth.

By following these steps, you create a structured and supportive environment for participants to engage in meaningful discussions about forgiveness, fostering empathy and understanding within the group.

ChatGPT

Honesty and sincerity are crucial virtues for several reasons:

1. Trustworthiness: Being honest and sincere builds trust with others. When people know they can rely on your word, it strengthens relationships, whether in personal or professional settings.
2. Integrity: These virtues are fundamental to maintaining personal integrity. Integrity involves consistency in thoughts, words, and actions. When you are honest and sincere, you align your behavior with your values.
3. Communication: Open and honest communication is essential for effective interaction. When you express yourself sincerely, it promotes clear and transparent communication, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts.
4. Personal Growth: Being honest with yourself about your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement is crucial for personal growth. Sincerity in self-reflection allows you to learn from experiences and continuously develop as an individual.
5. Ethical Decision-Making: Honesty and sincerity are integral to ethical decision-making. Acting with integrity, even in challenging situations, helps maintain moral standards and contributes to a more just and fair society.

To abide by these virtues, consider the following:

1. Self-awareness: Reflect on your values and beliefs. Understand what honesty and sincerity mean to you personally.
2. Intentional Communication: Be mindful of your words and actions. Strive to communicate openly and sincerely, avoiding deceit or manipulation.
3. Admit Mistakes: If you make a mistake, admit it. Taking responsibility for your actions demonstrates honesty and helps build trust.
4. Consistency: Strive for consistency in your behavior. Align your actions with your words and maintain integrity in all aspects of your life.
5. Empathy: Understand and consider the perspectives and feelings of others. Honest communication should be paired with empathy to build understanding and trust.
6. Value-driven Decision-Making: Base your decisions on your values. When faced with dilemmas, consider how your choices align with your principles and whether they reflect honesty and sincerity.
7. Continuous Improvement: Regularly evaluate and challenge yourself to grow. Honest self-reflection is a powerful tool for personal development.

Remember that honesty and sincerity are ongoing practices rather than static achievements. By integrating them into your daily life and interactions, you contribute to a more positive and trustworthy environment.

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How best to relate Honesty to Empathy? Site examples to illustrate different results.

ChatGPT

Honesty and empathy are closely connected, and when combined, they contribute to more authentic and meaningful relationships. Here are examples illustrating different outcomes when honesty is paired with empathy:

1. Honesty without Empathy:

• Scenario: A friend asks for your opinion on their new business idea, which you believe has significant flaws.
  • Response: Without empathy, you might bluntly point out all the flaws, potentially causing your friend to feel discouraged or hurt.

• Honesty with Empathy:

• Scenario: The same friend asks for your opinion on their business idea.

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HONEST SELF EXAMINASION BEFORE ANALIZING OTHERS !   

NIR and FAR

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Holiday Greetings from President & Mrs. Salovey from Yale

As the winter holidays approach, we are grateful to serve Yale together with you. Thank you for enriching our campus and our world. May your holidays be restful, joyous, and bright.

With warmest wishes,
Peter Salovey and Marta Moret

Letter of Gratitude from Billy to President & Mrs. Salovey

Dear President and Mrs. Salovey,

Happy Holidays and Best wishes to MORE AFTER YALE.

I started my <https://friendshipology.net> website

after learning about Emotional Intelligence from you.

Thank you sincerely !

Billy – William Ming Sing Lee  ( YC’55. YArch.’59 )

Instant Acknowledgement – Warm & Friendly 

Dear Billy,

Thank you very much for your lovely note and your kind words. I am glad to hear from you. Marta and I send best wishes to you for a happy, healthy, and rewarding new year.

Sincerely,

Peter

Peter Salovey

President and Chris Argyris Professor of Psychology

Yale University

P.O. Box 208229

New Haven, CT  06520-8229

Billy Notes:

In 1990, Salovey and Mayer coined the term “Emotional Intelligence” (or EI), describing it as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action.”

Besides Emotional Intelligence, Goodwill and Sincerity are most Essential in Building Friendship.

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Li Han and “Uncle Billy “  Dec. 2023

Alice Chiang, our dear friend and Ladera Neighbor, became 80 years old this Thanksgiving Day, 2023.  Lucille and I were invited to join her Chinese Banquet Lunch Celebration in Midtown San Francisco. As we have both stopped driving a year ago, our No. One Son, Prescott, offered to drive us there from Portola Valley, and our No. Two Son, Gary, was to drive us back with his wife, Marchelle. All five of us went to support the Celebration, for indeed Alice has been a dear old Family Friend. We didn’t want to miss it for any reason.

At the Banquet I presented a short speech – still Lucille, Prescott, Gary, and Marchelle thought it was a shade long. I am quite pleased with my speech however, because it was authentically felt and delivered.  I described how we, indeed, felt about Alice and our relationships by suggesting an adjective for each of the five alphabets from her name A L I C E.  It went like this

A    ADORABLE –  We all truly adore her.

L     LOVING – Her love and caring for us also.

I      INTIMATE – Our Feelings towards each other. Our Deep Bonding.

C     CHRISTIAN – Alice’s Faith and Values. Globally Compassionate.

E     EMERAL – A beautiful Jewel – Beautifully Green forever.

This joyous gathering of Alice’s friends and relatives included John Sieh, Jimmy Hsu, and Billy Lee- sitting together at one table. We three old friends all studied Architecture in U.S. colleges around the same time. We indeed have a special rapport largely due to our common ideal about True and Everlasting Friendships and Yi Chi in Chinese. We truly enjoyed seeing each other again, chatting and laughing together, and even hugging and holding hands lovingly.

From left: Old Friends John Sieh, Jimmy Hsu, & Billy Lee

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Friendship – Importance of Keeping In Touch – Magic Touches – When, Whom, What, and How ? Approach individuals or Small and Large Groups – Old and New Friends – Widening the Circle – Deepening The Good Feelings. What Gratification! Billy Inquired _________________________________________________________

ChatGPT

Maintaining friendships and keeping in touch is indeed crucial for our well-being and personal growth. Here are some thoughts on the importance of keeping in touch, magical touches, and ways to approach individuals or groups:

Importance of Keeping in Touch:

1. Emotional Support:

1. Friends provide emotional support during both good and bad times.
2. Regular communication helps strengthen this support system.

2. Personal Growth:

2. Friends can inspire and encourage personal growth.
3. Sharing experiences and insights can lead to mutual development.

3. Reducing Isolation:

3. Regular communication helps combat feelings of isolation.
4. Knowing that someone cares can have a profound impact on mental health.

4. Building Trust:

4. Consistent communication builds trust and deepens the bond between friends.
5. Trust is the foundation of any strong and lasting friendship.

Magic Touches:

1. Random Acts of Kindness:

1. Send unexpected messages of appreciation or encouragement.
2. Small gestures can have a significant impact.

2. Surprise Gifts:

2. Sending surprise gifts or cards shows thoughtfulness.
3. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; the sentiment matters most.

3. Celebrating Milestones:

3. Acknowledge and celebrate your friend’s achievements.
4. Share in their joy and provide genuine congratulations.

4. Quality Time:

4. Sometimes, a simple, quality conversation can be magical.
5. Be fully present when interacting with your friends.

When, Whom, What, and How?

1. When to Reach Out:

1. Regularly check in with friends, even if it’s just a quick message.
2. Especially during tough times, a simple “How are you?” can make a difference.

2. Whom to Approach:

2. Don’t limit yourself to a specific group. Reach out to both old and new friends.
3. Connect with people who share your interests or values.

3. What to Share:

3. Share experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
4. Be open about your life and encourage your friends to do the same.

4. How to Approach:

4. Use a variety of communication methods: texts, calls, video chats.
5. Tailor your approach to your friend’s preferences and comfort level.

Widening the Circle:

1. Join Social Activities:

1. Attend events or groups related to your interests.
2. This can lead to meeting new people and expanding your circle.

2. Networking:

2. Leverage professional networks for both personal and career connections.
3. Attend meetups or events in your community.

Deepening the Good Feelings:

1. Express Gratitude:

1. Regularly express gratitude for your friends.
2. Let them know how much you value their presence in your life.

2. Apologize and Forgive:

2. Be quick to apologize and forgive.
3. Misunderstandings happen, but resolving them strengthens friendships.

3. Shared Experiences:

3. Create and share memorable experiences.
4. Travel, adventures, or even simple gatherings can deepen bonds.

What Gratification!

1. Mutual Growth:

1. Witnessing the growth and success of your friends is immensely gratifying.
2. Celebrate each other’s achievements and be a source of support.

2. Meaningful Connections:

2. Building and maintaining meaningful connections is fulfilling.
3. It contributes to a sense of belonging and purpose.

3. Joy in Giving:

3. The joy of giving, whether through support or shared experiences, is unparalleled.
4. Knowing you positively impact someone’s life is deeply gratifying.

In conclusion, keeping in touch with friends, both old and new, involves a combination of regular communication, thoughtful gestures, and shared experiences. The gratification comes from the deepening of connections, mutual growth, and the joy found in meaningful friendships.

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Billy’s 2023 Thanksgiving Message To His Friends:

Dear All, Again, I wish to express my GRATEFULNESS to you all. For you have TRULY BEEN NICE to me. Wish you All a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING and Have a RELAXED & CHEERFUL Breakfast the Day After. Especially enjoy a cup of Tea or Coffee in your Favorite Mug.

Love, Billy  李名信

Photo from Yale & Andover classmate, Norm Allenby, who told Billy about his son’s memorable playdate years ago. The six-year-old little friend arrived at Allenby’s front door and proclaimed ” Be Nice Me”. Billy has embraced these words as his “Golden Rule” in <https://friendshipology.net>