Li Han and “Uncle Billy “  Dec. 2023

Alice Chiang, our dear friend and Ladera Neighbor, became 80 years old this Thanksgiving Day, 2023.  Lucille and I were invited to join her Chinese Banquet Lunch Celebration in Midtown San Francisco. As we have both stopped driving a year ago, our No. One Son, Prescott, offered to drive us there from Portola Valley, and our No. Two Son, Gary, was to drive us back with his wife, Marchelle. All five of us went to support the Celebration, for indeed Alice has been a dear old Family Friend. We didn’t want to miss it for any reason.

At the Banquet I presented a short speech – still Lucille, Prescott, Gary, and Marchelle thought it was a shade long. I am quite pleased with my speech however, because it was authentically felt and delivered.  I described how we, indeed, felt about Alice and our relationships by suggesting an adjective for each of the five alphabets from her name A L I C E.  It went like this

A    ADORABLE –  We all truly adore her.

L     LOVING – Her love and caring for us also.

I      INTIMATE – Our Feelings towards each other. Our Deep Bonding.

C     CHRISTIAN – Alice’s Faith and Values. Globally Compassionate.

E     EMERAL – A beautiful Jewel – Beautifully Green forever.

This joyous gathering of Alice’s friends and relatives included John Sieh, Jimmy Hsu, and Billy Lee- sitting together at one table. We three old friends all studied Architecture in U.S. colleges around the same time. We indeed have a special rapport largely due to our common ideal about True and Everlasting Friendships and Yi Chi in Chinese. We truly enjoyed seeing each other again, chatting and laughing together, and even hugging and holding hands lovingly.

From left: Old Friends John Sieh, Jimmy Hsu, & Billy Lee

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Friendship – Importance of Keeping In Touch – Magic Touches – When, Whom, What, and How ? Approach individuals or Small and Large Groups – Old and New Friends – Widening the Circle – Deepening The Good Feelings. What Gratification! Billy Inquired _________________________________________________________

ChatGPT

Maintaining friendships and keeping in touch is indeed crucial for our well-being and personal growth. Here are some thoughts on the importance of keeping in touch, magical touches, and ways to approach individuals or groups:

Importance of Keeping in Touch:

1. Emotional Support:

1. Friends provide emotional support during both good and bad times.
2. Regular communication helps strengthen this support system.

2. Personal Growth:

2. Friends can inspire and encourage personal growth.
3. Sharing experiences and insights can lead to mutual development.

3. Reducing Isolation:

3. Regular communication helps combat feelings of isolation.
4. Knowing that someone cares can have a profound impact on mental health.

4. Building Trust:

4. Consistent communication builds trust and deepens the bond between friends.
5. Trust is the foundation of any strong and lasting friendship.

Magic Touches:

1. Random Acts of Kindness:

1. Send unexpected messages of appreciation or encouragement.
2. Small gestures can have a significant impact.

2. Surprise Gifts:

2. Sending surprise gifts or cards shows thoughtfulness.
3. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; the sentiment matters most.

3. Celebrating Milestones:

3. Acknowledge and celebrate your friend’s achievements.
4. Share in their joy and provide genuine congratulations.

4. Quality Time:

4. Sometimes, a simple, quality conversation can be magical.
5. Be fully present when interacting with your friends.

When, Whom, What, and How?

1. When to Reach Out:

1. Regularly check in with friends, even if it’s just a quick message.
2. Especially during tough times, a simple “How are you?” can make a difference.

2. Whom to Approach:

2. Don’t limit yourself to a specific group. Reach out to both old and new friends.
3. Connect with people who share your interests or values.

3. What to Share:

3. Share experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
4. Be open about your life and encourage your friends to do the same.

4. How to Approach:

4. Use a variety of communication methods: texts, calls, video chats.
5. Tailor your approach to your friend’s preferences and comfort level.

Widening the Circle:

1. Join Social Activities:

1. Attend events or groups related to your interests.
2. This can lead to meeting new people and expanding your circle.

2. Networking:

2. Leverage professional networks for both personal and career connections.
3. Attend meetups or events in your community.

Deepening the Good Feelings:

1. Express Gratitude:

1. Regularly express gratitude for your friends.
2. Let them know how much you value their presence in your life.

2. Apologize and Forgive:

2. Be quick to apologize and forgive.
3. Misunderstandings happen, but resolving them strengthens friendships.

3. Shared Experiences:

3. Create and share memorable experiences.
4. Travel, adventures, or even simple gatherings can deepen bonds.

What Gratification!

1. Mutual Growth:

1. Witnessing the growth and success of your friends is immensely gratifying.
2. Celebrate each other’s achievements and be a source of support.

2. Meaningful Connections:

2. Building and maintaining meaningful connections is fulfilling.
3. It contributes to a sense of belonging and purpose.

3. Joy in Giving:

3. The joy of giving, whether through support or shared experiences, is unparalleled.
4. Knowing you positively impact someone’s life is deeply gratifying.

In conclusion, keeping in touch with friends, both old and new, involves a combination of regular communication, thoughtful gestures, and shared experiences. The gratification comes from the deepening of connections, mutual growth, and the joy found in meaningful friendships.

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Billy’s 2023 Thanksgiving Message To His Friends:

Dear All, Again, I wish to express my GRATEFULNESS to you all. For you have TRULY BEEN NICE to me. Wish you All a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING and Have a RELAXED & CHEERFUL Breakfast the Day After. Especially enjoy a cup of Tea or Coffee in your Favorite Mug.

Love, Billy  李名信

Photo from Yale & Andover classmate, Norm Allenby, who told Billy about his son’s memorable playdate years ago. The six-year-old little friend arrived at Allenby’s front door and proclaimed ” Be Nice Me”. Billy has embraced these words as his “Golden Rule” in <https://friendshipology.net>

ChatGPT :

Individuals and groups can have a significant impact on each other, whether it’s for good or harm. Here are some ways in which individuals can affect groups and vice versa in both positive and negative ways:

Positive Effects:

1. Inspiration and Motivation: Individuals who exhibit positive traits and actions can inspire and motivate others within the group to do good. For example, a leader who demonstrates integrity and altruism can encourage their team members to follow suit.
2. Collaboration: Individuals can bring diverse skills, perspectives, and ideas to a group, enhancing its ability to achieve common goals. Effective collaboration often leads to better outcomes and innovations.
3. Skill and Knowledge Transfer: An individual with expertise can share their knowledge and skills within a group, facilitating collective learning and growth. This is particularly valuable in educational settings and workplaces.
4. Leadership: A capable leader can guide a group toward positive outcomes by setting a clear vision, providing direction, and fostering a sense of unity and purpose.
5. Amplification of Resources: When individuals pool their resources (such as money, time, or labor) within a group, they can collectively accomplish more good. This can manifest in philanthropy, volunteer work, or community projects.

Negative Effects:

1. Conflict and Discord: Individuals with differing opinions or conflicting interests can create tension within a group. This discord can lead to infighting, reduced cohesion, and hindered progress.
2. Groupthink: Groups may pressure individuals to conform to prevailing opinions, stifling creativity and critical thinking. This can lead to poor decision-making and missed opportunities.
3. Misuse of Power: When individuals within a group hold positions of authority, they can abuse their power, leading to discrimination, oppression, or unethical behavior.
4. Reinforcement of Negative Norms: If a group collectively adopts harmful behaviors or attitudes, individuals may conform to these norms even if they disagree with them, perpetuating harm.
5. Resource Drain: In some cases, individuals may exploit group resources for personal gain, causing harm to the collective goals and leaving the group less capable of doing good.

It’s essential to recognize that the relationship between individuals and groups is complex, and the impact can vary depending on context, leadership, and the values and goals of both the individuals and the group. Encouraging positive behaviors and open communication within groups while promoting ethical behavior at the individual level can help maximize the potential for doing good and minimize harm.

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BILLY: Please expand more on Encouraging Positive Behaviors while promoting ethical behaviors, Cite examples on HOW.

ChatGPT:

Encouraging positive behaviors and promoting ethical conduct within groups is crucial for creating a healthy and productive environment. Here are some ways to achieve this, along with examples of how to implement them:

1. Lead by Example:

1. Example: In a workplace, a manager can demonstrate punctuality, honesty, and respect for others. When employees see their manager exhibiting these behaviors, they are more likely to follow suit.

2. Establish Clear Values and Expectations:

2. Example: A sports team can define its values, such as sportsmanship and teamwork, and communicate these values to all members. Regularly reminding team members of these values reinforces their importance.

3. Provide Training and Education:

3. Example: An organization can offer diversity and inclusion training to its employees to raise awareness about bias and discrimination and promote a more inclusive workplace.

4. Reward and Recognize Positive Behavior:

4. Example: A classroom teacher can praise students for acts of kindness or for helping their peers. This positive reinforcement encourages students to continue these behaviors.

5. Create a Supportive Environment:

5. Example: In a community organization, leaders can ensure that there are channels for reporting unethical behavior, such as a confidential hotline. This empowers members to speak up without fear of retaliation.

6. Foster Open Communication:

6. Example: Within a family, parents can create a safe space for children to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This openness can lead to better understanding and ethical decision-making.

7. Establish Consequences for Unethical Behavior:

7. Example: In a professional setting, a company can have a code of conduct and enforce consequences for violations. This discourages unethical behavior and maintains a culture of integrity.

8. Encourage Collaboration and Empathy:

8. Example: A non-profit organization working on poverty alleviation can organize team-building activities that require members to work together and understand the challenges faced by those they are trying to help.

9. Promote Ethical Decision-Making Frameworks:

9. Example: An academic institution can incorporate ethics courses into its curriculum, teaching students about ethical theories and providing case studies for analysis.

10. Celebrate Ethical Role Models:

10. Example: A community can host events or awards to recognize individuals who have made significant contributions to ethical causes, inspiring others to follow their lead.

11. Encourage Feedback and Continuous Improvement:

11. Example: A software development team can hold regular retrospectives to discuss project performance and identify areas for improvement, including ethical considerations in decision-making.

12. Institutionalize Ethical Guidelines:

12. Example: A government agency can establish policies and procedures that prioritize transparency, accountability, and ethical conduct in all its operations.

13. Seek External Accountability:

13. Example: A corporation can invite external audits or evaluations of its ethical practices to ensure objectivity and transparency in assessing its adherence to ethical standards.

14. Promote Social Responsibility Initiatives:

14. Example: A company can engage in philanthropic efforts, such as donating a portion of profits to charitable causes, demonstrating its commitment to ethical business practices and social good.

These approaches can be adapted to various contexts and organizations, but the common thread is the emphasis on values, communication, education, and accountability to create a culture that encourages positive and ethical behavior within groups.

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BILLY : Please define basic ethical values we all need to learn.

ChatGPT:

Basic ethical values serve as foundational principles that guide individuals and societies in making moral decisions and engaging in ethical behavior. While specific ethical values may vary across cultures and belief systems, there are several universal ethical values that are widely recognized and considered essential for individuals to learn and uphold:

1. Respect: Treating others with respect means valuing their inherent worth, opinions, and rights. It involves listening to others, acknowledging their perspectives, and refraining from discrimination or harm.
2. Honesty: Honesty involves telling the truth, being sincere, and avoiding deception or misleading others. It is fundamental for building trust in personal and professional relationships.
3. Integrity: Integrity means adhering to a strong moral and ethical code, even when it is challenging or inconvenient. It involves consistency in values and actions and not compromising one’s principles for personal gain.
4. Compassion: Compassion is the ability to empathize with the suffering and struggles of others. It entails a desire to alleviate their pain or offer support and kindness.
5. Fairness and Justice: Fairness means treating people impartially and equitably, regardless of their background, characteristics, or circumstances. Justice involves upholding principles of fairness in society and ensuring that individuals are held accountable for their actions.
6. Responsibility: Responsibility entails being accountable for one’s actions and decisions. It involves fulfilling one’s obligations and considering the consequences of one’s choices on oneself and others.
7. Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings and perspectives of others. It is a crucial component of building meaningful relationships and resolving conflicts.
8. Caring and Kindness: Caring involves showing concern for the well-being of others and taking actions to help and support them. Kindness is the practice of being friendly, considerate, and helpful in interactions with others.
9. Tolerance and Acceptance: Tolerance is the willingness to accept differences in beliefs, opinions, and lifestyles without prejudice or discrimination. It promotes diversity and inclusivity.
10. Courage: Courage involves the ability to confront fear, danger, or challenges in order to do what is morally right or just. It often requires standing up for one’s principles, even in the face of adversity.
11. Responsible Stewardship: Responsible stewardship is the ethical use and conservation of resources, including natural resources and financial assets, for the benefit of present and future generations.
12. Environmental Consciousness: This value emphasizes the importance of protecting and preserving the environment for the well-being of all living beings and future generations.
13. Humility: Humility involves recognizing one’s limitations, admitting when one is wrong, and being open to learning and self-improvement. It fosters a sense of modesty and respect for others.
14. Forgiveness: Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment and the desire for revenge when one has been wronged. It promotes healing and reconciliation in relationships.

These basic ethical values provide a moral compass for individuals and communities, helping to guide ethical decision-making, promote harmonious relationships, and contribute to the well-being of society as a whole. Teaching and promoting these values from an early age can help build a more ethical and compassionate society.

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Mimi is my favorite niece and she often shares her inner thoughts with me. After her daughter’s unforgettable Camp Zerfas Wedding Celebration a month ago, I asked the mother how she felt.

She basically told me that she had a Happy Awakening.  She started with some concern about the final decision that she was to walk her daughter up the aisle instead of the father, her ex-husband who parted with her when the daughter was only an elementary school child. It was a hurtful experience.

Mimi still had some misgivings when all arrived to celebrate. But things turned out well as the entire atmosphere at the 3-Day Wedding Celebration was full of LOVE, JOY, GOODWISHES and GOODWILL.  I personally believe that we all truly loved Mimi’s daughter, Valarie; and she was the JOY and LOVE that generated our Goodwill, and Good Behavior.

But Mimi’s Awakening indeed happened at the Meditation Session led by Stephen who just became her son-in-law. The Loving-Kindness Meditation asked all participants to focus first on someone who was most loving and kind to them, then try to give the same kind of kindness to someone who they may still hold certain misgivings. Amid a rise of an amazing sense of Happiness and Serenity, Mimi felt empathy for her ex-husband and his present wife. Mimi said silently to herself, “ I forgive. We are all part of Valerie’s life, and we can all be friends.”

Mimi also realizes how fortunate it is that she now has her husband Mike, who loves her and Valorie most genuinely and in a most thoughtful way. Yes, Mike, is also my Best Pal in our Friendshipology Exploration.  He is a modest yet most reliable person.

Mike and Mimi at left warmly shook hands with Ray

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BILLY’ COMMENTS:

This is a very revealing and personal story.  I made sure I had Mimi’s consent before sharing it on this Friendshipology site. What I learned from her story is that LOVE, HAPPINESS. CARING & GRATITUDE CAN OVERCOME MANY MISGIVINGS. LOVE, HAPPINESS, CARING & GRATITUDE CAN GROW FROM ONE TO MANY AND ALSO FROM MANY TO ONE.  Thank you, Mimi.  LOVE YOU !

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