About two years ago, my young friend, Li YiLu from Beijing, created for me this bilingual website: “Billy & The World”. It became https://Friendshipology.Net .
I started to invite various friends to write about Friendship, their thoughts, their experiences, and their stories. I also added a few of my own stories and items I found especially interesting like poems, cartoons or photo-arts.
Last week, my dear nephew-in-law, Rich Hogan, referred me to an article by Ms. Julie Beck of The Atlantic Monthly. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/06/six-ways-make-maintain-friends/661232/ Sadly to learn that Beck was actually saying “goodbye” to her Friendship Files audience after one hundred deeply perceptive Friendship Interviews in roughly three years. She concluded succinctly that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: Accumulation (time involved ), Attention ( being open to chance encounters ), Intention ( make efforts with joy ), Ritual ( special acts enhancing bonding ), Imagination ( different creative ways ), and Grace ( Forgiveness and The Space that creates for Connection and Reconnection – that feel nothing short of miraculous ).
I was inspired to evaluate what I have learned from the two plus years of https://Friendshipology.net . Yes, the 175 articles so far collected, covered many different aspects of Friendships. One wrote about Evolution of our Genes; one on Yi and Yi Chi and the Middle Way, one related how to introduce oneself to a golf group missing a fourth player, one resented and asked,” How can I really befriend these snobs ?”; one offered the essential principles in Mediation; one told how two long time friends got upset at each other arguing over a tennis call ( it was more about their pride than their eyes ). There were many wonderful Friendship quotes – from Aristotle, to Lao Tse to Charlie Chaplin. There were also beautiful photos of different animals nudging humans and each other affectionately and naturally, etc. etc. .
So, I have really learned a great deal from all of them, but among all, one indeed impressed me most clearly, simply, and holistically . It was from the story told by Norman Allenby, my Andover/Yale classmate. His story involved Shawn, a four year old boy who was having his first play date with Norm’s son Robert. Before crossing the threshold of the open front door, Shawn announced a governing principle of Friendship: “Be Nice Me”. Wow, I think that’s it, that’s what we all really want, need, and should try to follow as Our Golden Rule. To those of you who love to write poems, can you please write a poem or song for me- titled “Be Nice Me. No Hurt Each Other” Cheers ! Always Seeking Essence about Knowledge & Goodness.
I recently wrote about my Uncle Joe. He was my best friend when I was 10 years old. My next best friend was my roommate at Philips Andover Academy, Billy Ming-Sing Lee. He had recently arrived from China. He needed help with the English language and some other local puzzles. The school closed for the holidays. My family in Hampton, NH invited Billy for Christmas. He enjoyed the visit and playing with my sisters. I showed him how to play hockey and he showed me some soccer tricks. He now lives in California as a retired architect. We use e-mail to keep in touch frequently. I just now sent this article to him for his website: <https://friendshipology.net>.
My next best friend was Leon Henley, a cotton farmer from North Texas, also known as ‘Tex.’ He was in my squad in the 180th Regiment of the 45th Infantry Division. We were together from training in Louisiana to Korea. If we didn’t like an order, one of us volunteered to cover the job. Tex had a family and he was drafted into the Army. He hated military life, but I was a volunteer so I couldn’t gripe. Many years after Korean War, marriage, and work at the Laboratory, Polly and I and the kids took a long auto vacation trip around the U.S. On the return to home, we passed Tex’s ranch in Childress, Texas. My son Bruce wanted to drive the tractor. Tex said OK. Bruce drove through Mrs. Henley’s flower garden. We took everybody out for pizza that night.
Golf had been my exercise until my lumbar discs disintegrated. Now I work out at the YMCA. When Dede and I moved to Florida, I joined a senior golf association that played weekly tournaments around Central Florida. I was frequently paired with Henry Heufner, a snowbird from Cleveland, Ohio. We became good friends and Dede did with Marion, his wife. Henry was a wealthy, retired business man, with an airplane, a yacht, and a condo in Pinellas County. In the Summer time, we liked to meet and play golf in North Carolina. Our favorite area was Pinehurst and Southern Pines. A favorite golf course was the Pit. This was the course that had an island green and I fell in the lake, raking the sand trap walking backwards. Henry laughed so hard all he could do was fish my hat out of the lake with his putter. When we got to the 18th green, I bent over to get my ball out of the hole and my soaked shorts fell down and I mooned the people who watched from the club house. Alzheimer got Henry at an early age.
At an Episcopal golf outing, we met in the club house for dinner. The men around a table introduced themselves. I said I was an astronomer. Another man said he writes for the Tampa Bay Times. He asked me if I would do an interview with him. Later he called and I said OK. The Times sent a photographer, and I chatted with Dr. Prof. Edward Cifelli. The interview centered on our golf games and we played Scotland Yards several times. Now we go to breakfast every 2nd Friday, we celebrate each birthday, and our wives are good friends. He is my best friend. And I must include Dede as my best friend, also. She takes notes of my phone calls and she takes care of all our meals at home, and she lets me pay the bills. I love her.
BILLY’s COMMENTS :
Gordon. indeed, is one of my best friends as well. He was the one who helped me without my asking. He helped me adapt myself to the new environment when I came to the U.S, to study at Phillips Academy Andover. He was like a BIG BROTHER to me – very caring with a unique sense of Humor. Thanks, Gordon, for your friendship and for supporting my Friendshipology Initiative !
Monday May 16, I attended The CCIS 67th Annual Meeting at Stanford University’s Bechtel International Center. The main attraction was A Panel of 4 Speakers from 4 Countries – Stanford’s foreign students from Ukraine, Belarus, Russia, and Georgia.
I arrived early and sat next to a fellow wearing a tag with a clearly printed one word, ED. We chatted briefly. I learned that he is a CCIS Volunteer who has been teaching English to Stanford International Graduate Students – 15 students once a week. I also shared with him my volunteering at CCIS’ English in Action program where I had a Japanese Partner from Kyoto, etc.. It was quite a surprise to me to discover later that he was an invited speaker to speak just before the main Panel.
After his talk, I all of a sudden realized how important it was in Setting the Stage. According to ED, he simply told funny stories to enliven the meeting. Photos below from Lydia Moret show the atmosphere we have at most CSIS meetings. Indeed, the usual CCIS Spirit is one of Goodwill, Caring. Engaging, and Sharing of Joy and Hope.
ED, whose full name is Edward Loizeaux, has special skills to teach the rest of us who believe in Promoting International and Cross-cultural Friendship. Ed is a retired management consultant specializing in the evaluation and implementation of company-wide computer systems, such as MRP, for mid-sized manufacturing firms worldwide. His clients ranged from Brazil to Singapore to Philadelphia to San Francisco and all points in-between. His travels to numerous foreign countries inspired his current volunteer activities at Stanford University teaching English to international graduate students.
I have serious hearing difficulty and cannot catch much of what people say to me, but I try hard to catch a few key words when possible, and make special efforts to watch what is going on and how things are delivered and received. Unfortunately, of ED’s 3 Funny Stories, I caught the essence of only two, but they are so uniquely international and effective for the occasion. I like to share them with you even though I wish you could have heard this directly from ED himself. One was about an Asian Scientist being introduced by a jovial American colleague: “A Jolly good friend and a Bachelor”. Pounding on a table near by, Ed showed the Asian Scientist very upset and said “ Dear Friends, I am a PhD !
The second one was about the Finns from Finland. They are normally “Introverts” and tend to talk to another person with their faces turned downwards and eyes focusing on their own shoes. When asked if the Finns ever become “Extroverts”? The answer is “ Ofcourse ! When his or her eyes focus on the other guy’s shoes. “
ED has his own charming way of engaging his audience. Note how he bent forward to engage Giorgi Abaiadze from Georgia as he also captured full attention from the entire audience.
So impressed by Mr. Ed Loizeaux, I asked for his email address and wrote to him to invite him to lunch and perhaps also to write something for my Friendshipology website : <https://friendshipology.net>. He graciously rejected because he had to take care of his wife who is not well. Instead, he offered some ideas for Friendshipology to pounder. Please see below :
MAKING FRIENDS
— how to do it —
1. Do you really want a new true friend? Or, do you prefer a fast and efficient transaction? Making a new friend will take some time. Time is the most valuable thing most of us have and should be spent carefully. Knowing what you want is the first step.
2. Perhaps the easiest way to make a new true friend is to find a common interest. Use that interest, whatever it may be, to begin a conversation. Use this discussion to test the likelihood of mutual interest.
3. Listen very carefully and thoughtfully. Place yourself in his (or her) shoes and reply from that perspective. Your ideas will eventually work their way into the relationship. There is no need to be first.
4. Do not offer an opinion unless one is requested. No friend likes being told what they should believe. Listen and be accepting of new ideas even though they may seem strange. Giving advice can come later.
5. Extend an invitation for a future friendly conversation. If it is accepted, you will have planted the seed for a meaningful new friendship. It will need water and fertilizer, but it will grow with time.
6. Keeping in touch over time and distance is usually necessary to sustain a new friendship. Try hard to prevent long periods without contact. The best friendships are often those which have lasted a very long time.
A while ago Billy asked me to write about Yi (義) and Yi Chi (義氣). I said I would try, and this assignment has been on my mind. Apologies for taking a long time to respond. Let me put down what comes to mind even though a lot of its deeper meanings are above my level.
Let me start with an everyday example of a voluntary act of reaching out to another person. In this case, a passerby saw that I was looking for something and she stopped to ask me what I was looking for. I had accidentally dropped my glasses and she must have thought that I was helpless without my glasses. Without any hesitation, she started looking around trying to cover all possible locations where I might have dropped them. After about fifteen minutes she was not successful and said sorry to me and went on her way. But just a minute or two later she came back and said that there was one more possible place she had not checked and she was going to look again. Well, this time she came back with a big smile holding my glasses. Before I could say ‘thank you’ and ask her name, she just waved and disappeared into the crowd. The whole episode happened in a natural and matter-of-fact way, without any fuzz or anxiety. The way she handled the situation had a sense of simplicity and beauty.
I would consider this as a kind of impersonal but universal act of Yi. It’s impersonal since we are strangers to each other, but it’s universal because it happens everyday, everywhere, all the time. Each of us are in touch with thousands of such examples of selfless giving and mutual help. In the U.S. during the sixties when I was in college, there was a popular saying “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty”. In ancient China, Confucius teachings assigned the concept Yi to this fundamental human impulse towards others as duty to do the right thing. Not to do the wrong thing, or not to harm others, is part of this human impulse. Of course another important Confucian concept of Ren (仁), meaning kindness and benevolence, is closely related to Yi. So Ren and Yi are one of the basic building blocks of humans as social beings.
On another level, among colleagues, family, and friends, the practice of Yi takes on additional meanings beyond just doing a kind deed. There is a sense of honor, loyalty and commitment that comes with belonging. By being a member of a family, a group, an association, or even a political party, one has the duty and the responsibility to serve the needs of that group, most often unconditionally. In Chinese we refer to a volunteer as Yi Gong (義工), an YI worker. Here I think the term YI Chi (義氣) is most often applied. An example in the work place is when a colleague is overworked and is facing a deadline. You decide to help finish the task at hand, foregoing, perhaps a family dinner. Chi is inner energy, so Yi Chi is the act of honoring a commitment to an organization or to those that you have an affiliation with.
Likewise with an old friend, in this case when I recently asked Billy to support a project of mine, Billy committed his support without any hesitation. An important part of this Yi Chi is mutual trust. Trust requires cultivation, but interestingly it needs not necessarily be physically close; trust may grow across space and time. For example last year I got in touch with my grade school classmates after more than sixty years. It was quite a reunion and after they heard about my project, my desk mate in fifth grade just volunteered to help me promote it. Another facet of the practice of Yi Chi is that it is not tied to the notion of fair exchange. One does not practice Yi expecting something in return, nor does one calculate the costs and benefits of the act. The act itself has its own intrinsic value independent of return and rewards.
At an even larger scale of the community and the nation, Yi is often practiced by pledging to work together on selected social causes. An example is our Building and Planning Research Foundation at the National Taiwan University. When we started, we had committed ourselves to applying our professional planning and design skills to solving social problems such as public housing for the needy, rural community development, and infrastructure planning for native communities. Many of our team members have pledged their professional lives to working for social justice. Such social commitment have earned us trust from the communities we serve, and likewise we have developed trust in them to do the best they can to better themselves. The operating human value at work here is the mutual practice of Yi between the professional and the local community. Of course, examples abound and each of us can think of many examples at this scale.
At an even larger scale, addressing the whole of a culture in a particular place and time, we also find forms of associations based on Yi, such as political parties formed to promote specific social goals, and various civic and philanthropic associations engaged in achieving certain social values. An historical example in ancient China is the well known story called “ Oath of brotherhood in the Peach Garden” (桃园三结义) which appears at the beginning of the novel Romance of Three Kingdoms (三国演). Here the term Yi , referring to duty, loyalty, honor, allegiance , is at the center of the story in forming political and military alliances to achieve perceived social goals. In more recent history, the republican revolution led by Dr. Sun Yat Sen was very much a voluntary movement based on shared ideals of a just and modern society. Here Yi takes on a more direct and radical commitment of both soul and body. My grandfather was a member of the revolutionary league the Tong Meng Hui (同盟会), though he was not one of the famous 72 martyrs who gave their lives to the revolution. During WWII, in the fight against Japanese aggression of China, many Taiwanese volunteers joined the fight on Mainland China. General Li You-bang (李友邦) led a Taiwan voluntary army (台湾義勇军) to fight along side with the Chinese army against the Japanese. So at the national level, the practice of Yi is an essential motivating force to seek a better world.
At these different scales, Yi plays a critical role in connecting a person to others, a person to a community, and a person to a larger cause. For me, among these and many other ways of practicing Yi, there is a very important element of “empathy” that seems to be always present. Empathy, I think, is a capacity to step outside oneself and to see the world from another’s point of view. Likewise, it is also a communicative tool to motivate different peoples to see each other and to respect the culture and values of others. At the very base of being humans, we have the obligation, the Yi, to respect and love each other. Here, I think Mo-tsu (墨子) a century after Confucius and one of the key ancient sages, gave Yi a adjunctive meaning in his “universal love, practice no harm” (兼爱无攻) dictum, which I think is very much in need during these turbulent times of 2022.
OLD FRIENDS: Lucille Lee, Shirley Liu, John Liu and Billy Lee
The following Rules apply across all cultures . OBT, James
Rule 1: Never directly challenge any statement made by the person you are trying to convince, educate, or opinion change. Such challenges set up mental defense mechanisms. Phrases such as “I hear you.” rather than “You are full of it.” tend to work better at getting people to eventually and actively listen to the truth. (Always remember that hearing is not listening; listening is not comprehending; seeing is not examining; touching is not feeling; tasting is not appreciating; learning is not understanding…and so forth. Whether you are talking with an unruly child or a reluctant adult, it is useless to ask, “Are you listening to me?” Of course they are listening…especially if you are shouting. What they are not doing is comprehending or even trying to comprehend. Huge difference.
Rule 2: Listen to what the person is saying, then ask questions seeking clarification. You will acquire a long list of inconsistencies, holes, logically flawed beliefs. These
you will use later, either in the initial conversation or, if possible, in later conversations.
Rule 3: Find out, beforehand if possible, what sources of information the person believes are reliable. Also, what sources of information the person believes are infallible (if any). If you know what sources the person believes, then study those prior to the conversation. If you do not, but rather discover what those sources are during the conversation, then ask to postpone further discussion until you have read the person’s trusted sources. This has several good effects, such as showing respect for the person’s opinions and sources (NOTE: “respect”, not “agreement”). More importantly, such knowledge will provide you with the keys to that person’s mental stockade.
Rule 4. Having accomplished 1 through 3 above…Use the person’s own statements and sources against them in a casual, friendly manner. This frequently opens a slight crack in the mental armor that allows you access to the person’s shielded brain. Once you have access, then you can gently insinuate simple, non-threatening thoughts and ideas that do not directly attack the person’s beliefs, but which rather causes that person to internally begin to question their beliefs.
Rule 5. Don’t expect to convert anyone instantly…not during the first discussion nor any subsequent discussions with that person. Conversion of a fixed, inflexible mind must come from inside that mind. You must plant a seed inside that mind and water it, feed it, and let it grow all by itself. Conversion takes time and patience.
Same Friend Offered Me A Beautiful Essay On “BE”
“BE” by James Luce
Life is a unidirectional path with lots of curves and bumps
Life is crowded road where you will encounter a lot of grumps
Yet it’s amazing what can happen when you say “Can I assist ?”
Holding out a helping hand is always better than an angry fist
Don’t be the Grinch, rather strive to be one of those Forrest Gumps
Be the kind of person that you’d want everyone to be
Be the kind of person who puts “Others” ahead of “Me”
Be the kind of person who is held in great respect
Be the kind of person who does not ignore or neglect
Be the kind of person who bounces babies on their knee
Be the kind of person who helps out another in a bind
Be the kind of person who’s of a gentle state of mind
Be the kind of person who lends his eyes to the blind
Be most of all and forever be a person who is kind.
NEIL NORTON is a Certified Arborist since 2002 and holds a Masters Degrees in Business Administration and Latin American Studies from Tulane University. Neil is passionate and active around issues of tree conservation and education, both locally and nationally. He teaches Qigong and Taichi since 2008. Neil loves inspecting trees, and thoroughly enjoys his encounters with clients and their trees in all the hidden neighborhoods of Atlanta.
We find friends in many quarters, proximity, common interests, school, neighbors, and even on the internet. I often encounter new friends in movement. My friend Billy Lee has asked me to share my perspective on friendship and movement after demonstrating to him some Qi Gong.
In Qi Gong, an ancient Chinese series of movements, we often discuss different types of learning, whether auditory, visual, and/or kinetic. Perhaps there are different ways of being friends. I know that becoming friendly with someone often has to do with a “feeling”. Love at first sight would be an extreme example. Often there is just something that intrigues you about the other, which could fall into the categories of types of learning. You might like the sound of someone or how they look. Alternatively, you might be repelled by someone on the same grounds. I found that my movement when not paying attention, which can appear quick and intense upsets dogs. I know because they bark at me. What does it mean to be kinetically drawn or repelled by someone?
So much of our language comes through our body. When we move together in unison there is a power and reinforcement that is shared without words. I have always considered myself a kinetic learner, it is a language that comes natural to me. While I have learned to adapt, words have always been a struggle. I enjoy my Qi Gong practice as it allows me to share with others through movement. Often in movement, I find I can be truer to myself and relate more genuinely than through words.
Movement also allows me to align myself with nature that combines both elements of me and nature as reflected in my body. For me, moving in sync with nature means slowing your breathing pattern and coordinating it with my mind and body through gentle movements. When we move with nature, our movement takes on a deeper meaning. Combine that with another person and it becomes reciprocal. Sometimes I practice what I jokingly call Tree Gong, a type of Qigong with a tree, where I slow my breath and stand like a tree, envisioning your exhalation of carbon dioxide and inhalation of oxygen, exactly inverse to what the tree is doing.
While movement most always starts internally, it is always expressed in an external fashion. Some types of movements are more accepted than others, for example tennis on a tennis court, or frisbee on a field, or dancing in a club. The ancient arts, like Tai Chi and Qi Gong, not only connect us with those of past, but it is also an excellent way to connect with those in our present. There have been several occasions when I attracted unwanted attention practicing Tai Chi in public. So, finding a safe place to practice is important, unless you are trying to make a statement, but do not be surprised if the statement is misinterpreted or worse is threating to someone.
Many feel constricted by their ability to move, whether it is emotional or physical. Each of us has our own ways to move through gravity on Earth. We are nature, each one of us, so embrace a method and do not judge yourself, just breath and move. The next time you see a movement practice, whether dance, tai chi, qi gong, throwing the frisbee or playing ping pong, consider partaking. There is power in moving together and in unison with nature.
Neil is one of my son, Gary’s very best friends. They grew up together in Ladera as neighbors and schoolmates when they were near ten years old. I was an active participant in many of their sports activities. One year, Neil got injured and could not play baseball for quite a period. He and I got to know each other and became friends as we watched and cheered for his teammates and had many fun and interesting conversations. Neil and family visited us earlier this year from Atlanta, Georgia. I invited him to write for this Friendshipology Website. Thanks, Neil, for adding “TREE GONG” in our vocabulary.
In Chinese Culture, ‘Yi Qi’ is possibly the most respected quality about Friendship. My esteemed friends, Dr. Stephen Lee, Prof. An, and James Luce have articulated beautifully what “Yi” (義) and“Yi Qi” (義氣) mean in https://friendshipology.net. I try to understand it in my personal life. Who among my friends would I consider indeed to have“Yi Qi” (義氣) ? Three persons stood out immediately.
My FF Fraternity Brother, Allan Chou, wanted to promote“Yi Qi” (義氣) in our FF Fraternity. When he heard that I needed to have a souvenir designed with suggestions “10 Do’s” and “10 Don’t’s” on “How To Promote Friendship”, he immediately offered to have 500 fans designed and made in Shanghai, and he personally brought them to my Portola Valley home near Stanford University in three super-size suite cases. He did all that while busy managing his business in China, as well as teaching at Fu Dan University’s Graduate School of Business. His “Gung Ho” spirit “Qi” (氣) and our “Righteous Cause, “Yi” (義) made him one of my most trusted and respected friend, indeed.
My cousin, Ming Cho Lee, a highly respected Professor at Yale School of Drama, was surely not a socially “Gung Ho” type person. Yet at one critical time, he demonstrated unusual and unexpected “Yi” (義) and“Yi Qi” (義氣). His step-sister’s young son got into serious political trouble in a 1960s anti-establishment student movement. The young fellow and friends in Los Angeles may have overstepped the legal boundaries. As Ming Cho considered his stepsister a true friend, he set his immediate obligations aside and at once flew from N.Y.C. to L.A. to consult a famous defense lawyer friend to find ways to assist the young nephew. He felt that was the right thing to do, and he stepped up voluntarily as he knew his stepsister and nephew urgently needed the help.
My wife, Lucille, has my deepest respect and admiration even when I do not always understand her rationales. During college years, she met a slightly older friend who invited her to join a Chinese Women’s Sorority. This friend became an “older sister” to Lucille – very kind and always helpful and caring. However, their life philosophies became more widely different as time passed – Lucille became more Liberal and this friend more Conservative. About ten years ago, with husband already gone, this friend was deeply in debt to the credit company as her daughter was on drugs and was charging everything on her credit account. For two years I heard weekly telephone conversations between Lucille and her friend near our West Coast dinner time. This friend would call and vent her frustrations – the same complains – for almost an hour or so each time. Lucille seemed to have been giving this friend the same advice which obviously was not followed. Lucille made a visit to N.Y. and voluntarily paid off her friend’s credit card debt, but the friend still allowed her daughter to use the card as usual. This friend got very ill and had to have her leg amputated. Lucille took a week off to N.Y. again This time to clean their house for possible sales. This friend finally died, and Lucille went to help manage her memorial service. This is what I consider to be “YiQi” (義氣) – doing more for a Friend – most loyally, most unselfishly, and more than expected normally.
Yi Qi and Male Bonding East and West Syntax and Semantics
– 20 Feb 22
(Before proceeding, you will find it useful to first read Stephen Lee’s entertaining and informative article about Yi Qi that is posted on this site.)
As I’m composing this essay, East and West are just barely balancing on the verge of WW III. The US/EU could go to war at any time with Russia, China, North Korea or all three. I hope you are reading this essay in peace.
The question in the title of this article came to mind as a result of having read and discussed a draft of Stephen Lee’s article about the meaning of Yi Qi (righteous loyalty), its ancient, complex, and fascinating philosophical/linguistic origins via the transmogrification and malleability of Chinese characters, concluding with a discussion of Yi Qi in China today. Stephen notes that there are seemingly coincidental similarities between manifestations of Yi Qi and what in the West is called Male Bonding. For example, Chinese tales of the mythical folk hero warrior, Guan Yu, extol the virtuousness of truly righteous loyalty, the warrior standing by his fellows in danger and never betraying them to the evil enemy. Stephen notes that there’s also a sinister side to Yi Qi as represented by the 108 Outlaws of the Marsh. These folk heroes stole from the rich and gave to the poor, similar to the Western myth of Robin Hood and his Merry Men. The difference between these two gangs being that The Hood bunch returned to the Nottingham people the money stolen by the local aristocratic crowd from those same people, whereas the Marsh bunch gave the money they stole from the aristocrats to poor people who had not necessarily been the original victims. Thus, The Marsh system was not as efficient or equitable a redistribution of wealth scheme as perpetrated by the Hoods. However, both involved the commission of many violent felonies. The West has many examples Yi Qi/Male Bonding that are not remotely pure, righteous, good, or productive. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are two loyal buddies gone bad…sticking together through adversities of their joint making and dying side-by-side in a hail of retributive bullets. Another, larger, example is The Wild Bunch. These four dastardly desperados didn’t have a shred of the Cassidy/Kid humor and joie de vivre. Not a bon mot between them. Neither of these two gangs gave any of their stolen loot to any poor people, keeping it all for themselves. Yet they too are folk heroes because of their devotion to Yi Qi. And then, of course, there’s the Mafia, American folk hero murders and extortionists simply dripping with Yi Qi and blood. In modern America the ideal of Yi Qi in all its variations is robust. Every extreme is represented, from fraternal charitable organizations (pure) to drug cartels (toxic), with political organizations (dominated by male bonding) located somewhere in between those poles. Thus, it’s clear that it’s really not just a coincidence that China’s Yi Qi is paralleled in the West with Male Bonding. It’s not a coincidence because, after all, we’re all humans. Our ancestors faced the same problems and mysteries, few of which have been fixed over the millennia. The difference today between each of us and between our cultures is simply a manifestation of different routes to failed resolutions of our common problems and mysteries.
Welcometo Alice’s Restaurant!
Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant, released in 1967, is the generational anthem for most War Babies (1939-45) and Baby Boomers (1946-64). The first seven minutes forty-two seconds of this song are about Arlo’s adventures in Stockbridge, Massachusetts: Thanksgiving dinner at Alice’s restaurant and his subsequent arrest and trial for littering and creating a nuisance…but that’s not what he came to tell you about. He spends the remaining ten minutes fifty-seven seconds singing about the Military Draft, a very hot topic during the Vietnam War. I’ve started out talking about Yi Qi. Here’s what I really came to talk about: The Roots of our Common Humanity and the Routes we need to collectively take so as to reacquire our Common Humanity. The primary focus of this essay concerns how to restore harmony among and between the bitterly splintered factions of our originally Common Humankind. These factions we usually refer to as our myriad cultures, nations, economies, minor genetic variations, languages, philosophies, religions, and other artificial, antagonistic, and divisive instruments of civilization. The original humans fought over food, water, and basic survival. In today’s world we have dozens of more things to fight about, most of which have nothing to do with food, water, or basic survival: patriotism, politics, beliefs, irrational prejudices, languages, and cosmologies. What could be more idiotic than to go to war or start a bloody riot over skin color, a flag, a political party, or especially those variable cultural answers as to where we all came from originally and why. “Especially” because nobody really knows and probably never will.
So…Let’s talk about just one of these splintering factions, the least likely to stir up patriotic or cultural animus: Languages
My father and his three older siblings were China-born, children of a Presbyterian missionary in Shandong Province during the disarray of the prolonged warlord period. When I was a very young child, I remember that my now grownup Aunt Beth hung embroidered towels in her New York apartment that read East is West. It was not until several decades later that I began to understand this cryptic message. We will return to this theme shortly, but first…
There’s a traditional belief/stereotype among Westerners, Anglo-Americans especially, that the Chinese people and their language are inscrutable. Well, what does that mean? The dictionary says, “impossible to understand or interpret”. So, perhaps Americans criticize the Chinese because Americans aren’t intelligent enough to understand what is being said or written in Chinese. In turn, Chinese people traditionally believe that Americans are blunt, both in language and mind. So, perhaps Chinese people criticize Americans because our dominant language, English, is, for the most part, direct and blunt and, well, plain ol’ Anglo-Saxon…avoiding ambiguity of meaning whenever possible. Or perhaps there’s another explanation for these stereotypes.
The source of these cross-cultural stereotypes is most likely the syntax and semantics of their respective languages. If Yi Qi is translated as “righteous loyalty”, that’s inscrutable to an American. But if it’s translated as “male bonding”, there’s no problem. Let’s see which language and which culture is more inscrutable by comparing two quotations. Which of the following quotations was written by a Chinese scholar and which by a Western scholar:
A man is never too old to learn. vs. A man is never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
Both of these aphorisms have a similar message, but one is blunt while the other is a bit fuzzy. So, it may surprise that the first quotation was written by an anonymous Buddhist scholar several thousand years ago and that the second is by the famous British scholar, C.S. Lewis.
Which of the following quotations is more inscrutable?
What is the sound of one hand clapping? (an ancient Buddhist riddle)
If a tree falls in the forest when nobody’s around, does it make a sound? (Bishop George Berkeley, a 17th-century Anglican)
They both seem inscrutable to me. Well, maybe these aren’t representative samples. Maybe Eastern thinking really is more inscrutable than Western philosophy. Let’s start out in neutral territory, somewhere neatly in between East and West: Ancient Greece was influenced by Egyptian, Iranian, and Chinese scholarship that flowed along the Silk Road and other trade routes. Our neutral thinker of choice is that famous pagan Plato. He postulated that physical objects and indeed the entire observable universe was nothing but shadows of True Reality (what he called Forms) that we mere humans could never see or experience. Returning to Bishop Berkeley, who goes Plato one better, we find that this inscrutable Western Christian scholar believed in Immaterialism, a philosophy that denies the existence of all material substance. That is, all objects and indeed the entire observable universe exist only as ideas in our minds. If we don’t think about something, it doesn’t exist. There is no reality at all. Let’s now compare, using the inscrutability scale, these two Western philosophers with their ancient Chinese counterparts. Several thousand years ago in pre-Buddhist China, philosophers thought about the Dao. The Dao is an ultimate source that connects all things and the entire observable universe. Everything is real, tangible, observable…no Forms or shadows or ethereal existence-only-in-the-mind. Rather the Dao is a Way or Guide that is observable, accessible to cultivated people who have the leisure time to contemplate it. In this real world, patterns can be detected, cyclical patterns that interact between the polar forces of Yin and Yang. Yin is a symbol of earth, femaleness, darkness, and passivity. Yang is a symbol of heaven, maleness, light, and activity. While these distinctions are offensive to our modern Western views, they match perfectly with how both Westerners and Easterners have divided things up for millennia. Furthermore, traditional Chinese philosophy at least acknowledges that water is wet, rocks are hard, a chair can be sat on…in short, the world exists in reality. We can see that in the Pre-Science Age, the Greeks, Chinese, and Europeans postulated a similar answer to a shared mystery. Yet it was the Chinese solution that is the least inscrutable. But what about modern times? Is the situation different now? Only slightly. If you read the modern Western philosophers, you will note extensive incorporation of Eastern ideas from the Dao, Buddhism, Islam, Jainism, and even some of the Hindu scripts. Reading modern Chinese philosophers, one finds substantial bits and pieces of Kant, Hegel, Marx, Nietzsche, Bergson, Dewey, and Heidegger. Ahhh. But then there’s those ambiguous scribbles called Chinese characters that they use for writing. Not like good, clear, alphabet writing with just a few, easy to write and type letters. Certainly this makes English less inscrutable than Chinese…or does it?
Here’s a simple, plain, typed-with-letters sentence in English. “As a linguist, I love ambiguity more than most people.” See? Clear as a bell, sort of. This sentence could mean that the linguist “loves ambiguity but doesn’t appreciate most people” or that “most people don’t love ambiguity as much as he does”. Well, perhaps Anglo-Americans can at least take comfort in the fact that English words are clear, unambiguous, and never inscrutable. Except maybe just a few, such as the word “sanction”. Even though this word is typed clearly with letters, “sanction” can mean either approve or disapprove. Compare with those Chinese scribbles. Approve: 批准 could never be confused with Disapprove: 不赞成. And then there’s flammable and inflammable. Both mean capable of catching fire. The list of inscrutable English words is almost endless, if not also eternal or infinite. To conclude with a good, clear Western question…If waves really exist, where do they go when they reach the beach?
继续我们的旅程
The above process of analyzing languages can be applied also to all the other previously mentioned factions of civilization that divide our Common Humanity, but such a detailed analysis is beyond the scope of this essay. Very briefly, all the philosophic, linguist, religious, and other cultural artifacts and variations extant today are just a dense, swirling fog keeping us from seeing that we’re all just humans trying to figure out how to stay safe in a dangerous and confusing world…and once safe, how to get along in peace. All the past and present isms of religion, politics, and philosophy are just failed and conflicting experiments. We are bungling alchemists in a universe based on cold and uncaring physics. We are all humans, evolved from the same genetic mixture that uniquely gave us an opposable thumb and an immensely intelligent brain, a brain that learned how to use the thumb for more than climbing trees and gathering fruits. We’ve used our thumbs and cumulative knowledge to build and to destroy; to make war with technological gusto and diligence; to strive for peace but neither sincerely nor successfully. Humanity gets an “A” in the course of evolution for our millennia of effort, but a C- for achievement. We are still ignorant children playing with fire. The time left for us to grow up is perilously short. No one culture, no nation, no person is passing the course. We need to give all others a break. Stop the chest thumping, stop the celebrations of our respective failed experiments, and get back to the difficult task of studying, striving to find better ways to achieve harmony and to solve all our common mysteries.
Now back to Aunt Beth’s embroidered towels… “East is West”
East is West
Like a maze when first encountered, all of Humankind’s myriad, eclectic routes through life over time and place appear jumbled, confused, and divided into many paths. Yet on closer examination, there is continuity, harmony, and a common goal. The maze is not made of many parts, rather, like Humanity, it’s an indivisible unit, a living organism thriving in the same soil under the same sky. Viewing the maze from above is much different than from on the ground. An individual can’t see that there’s a common goal when inside the maze, rather only the varied pathways. Most of the paths are dead ends.
The trick for Humanity is for everybody to harmoniously help to find the correct route to the common goal.
