For your collection of commentaries on friendship/friendshipology, I offer these thoughts:
the wise men of old (be they Greek, Roman, Christian, Hebraic, Buddhist) all pretty much said the same thing; we don’t need to invent or discover new wisdom, we need only heed that which has already been discovered
love abides only if it is grounded in friendship
being friendly to others, even strangers, leads to empathy
attached are chapters from my chronicle which illustrate what I mean by these commentaries
BILLY’S COMMENTS: Fred is a dear Andover classmate. The chronicles he sent me recorded various trips he took around the country as a devoted Birder. I never imagined that a fast skating and never yielding varsity hockey player at Andover can also be so patient, caring, and compassionate. His chronicals focused on the people he met as well as the birds he was hoping to spot. In Savana, Georgia, he met a Black Senior who gave him $20 just because they had a friendly conversation.
Hi Nee Goo Goo , ( No.2 Elder Brother in Shanghainese )
My education is built on sand . Scanty home schooling from mother and sit-by auditing with old Chinese masters ( engaged to teach the boys ) Nobody paid me no mind !!!! I was but a little girl .
Attended 1 year at Shanghai American School then 3 1/2 years in Hongkong where I was supposed to have covered 12 years of education . In college I slipped and slide . Working more hours then studying . There was no formal structure , Years in America didn’t help , I write as I think … no grammar at all Besides I am not gifted with Tommy’s intellect and talents you and John share . I wrote this below for you to read. Please do not share or print .
Friendship is share, trust, comfort , an assisting hand, and seeking guidance all roll into one handshake, one hug, one smile or a tear . Friendship is cultivated, or extended to strangers is none the less irrelevant if not given with sincerity. Friendship is never to hurt.
Friendship is found in marriage Friendship is found within family Friendship is found within communities Friendship is found across the oceans
Reaching out a hand or bow in search of a will to negotiate , to understand , to help or give help is reaching out for friendship . If one understands one’s enemies there will be no enemies . Problems shared, problems can be solved . So who but everyone of us needs friendship .
Friendship is to share a laugh over joy, to soothe a mistake or at nothing at all. Friendship is to give , expecting no favors returned Friendship is trying to understand but not understanding yet respecting the differences held . Friendship is free to give but at times difficult to accept or let go the pride that gets in the way .
Friendship is never to hurt but lay out the reality as one sees it, gently across the tab .
Friendship is without touching yet hearts held strong
Let Friendship grow . Let Friendship spread.
Open your arms, reach far your hands and search for Friendship with open minds
BILLY’s COMMENTS : Merle is just a year younger than I. She first asked me
not to share or print what she wrote for me privately. I found her writing so
compassionate and full of wisdom. As a Little girl nobody minded, she actually learned much more by only sit-by auditing from the Old Chinese Masters than her supposedly smart brothers.
I wrote back to her and begged for special permission to have her writing included in this Friendshipology Collection. I am so glad that she consented.
Thank you, Dear Sister, Dearest MLK , ( Merle Lee Kwong ) ! Thank you !
In the late 1970’s China was at a critical crossroads whether to open door after 30 years of self-containment. The nation was suspicious of western motives and intervention, and its people would look at westerners with strange curious eyes. Yet every Chinese would happily welcome foreigners (Laowai) once they landed in China, apparently coming from a tradition that “有朋自遠方來,不亦樂乎”“it’s a pleasure to receive friends from afar”. This Chinese friendship tradition turned out to have underpinned the turnaround of US-China relations since late 1970’s.
Imagine US and China back in the late 1970’s. The two countries and their peoples were so diametrically opposed — in political ideology, government system; in traditions, values, philosophy; in spiritual and religious beliefs; in social and economic structures; in business system and practices, and in people’s living conditions, styles and standards. But when the two peoples started to engage in exchanges of friendship, good feelings develop, and the gulfs were almost miraculously bridged with both sides making compromises and accommodations, even both nations remained struggling in many arenas and trying to seek stable long-term relations.
I personally witnessed and took part in this FRIENDSHIP POWER at work. I had actually served as a catalyst through dedicating my career to my US-China business. How did it happen? Here’s the backdrop: Back in 1978 all I had was the will since childhood to prepare myself so one day I might help in China’s economic revival and reform (much like what Yugoslavia’s Tito had earlier attempted). At college I studied Economics and served as president of the student union. I then came to New York to pursue graduate studies in public administration. I decided to stay in the U.S. for an MBA at Columbia University with the thought of gaining management experience and at some future time owning my business that could help China. So when news came out that China planned to open its door in 1978, I immediately set up a U.S. company and, through a connection I had fostered with the Chairman of China Resources in Hong Kong with my father’s help, got an official invitation to visit Beijing with a few trade and factory-building proposals in hand for immediate action by the Ministry of Foreign Trade. By the end the trip I was offered to work with China International Travel Services (CITS) under the Tourism Department, and allotted a group visa to bring 34 Americans to do a sightseeing itinerary of 4-5 cities opened to foreigners at the time. Group sightseeing was the only travel form allowed then in China.
If ping-pong players in the early 1970’s was pivotal in reviving the diplomatic relations of the two nations, then American travel starting 1979 was responsible for generating such great people feelings and friendships between the two peoples that formed a foundation for the two countries to build strong relations in the 30 years that followed.
By the end of 1979 I succeeded in obtaining 3 group visas to bring 100 Americans to see China. That year only 1000 visas in sightseeing groups for the whole USA were approved by China. Visiting Americans were so warmly received as friends from afar rather than as tourists, that returning Americans only had great feeling of Chinese people’s warm and personable reception, despite their backwardness, limited food and beverage and extremely poor facilities. But friendship was the main Chinese theme at the time, not profit. Even stores selling handicrafts and clothing and groceries exclusively to foreigners were named “Friendship Stores”.
So I became a pioneer in China travel, but a travel business with 100 customers a year was nothing to live on, but I saw it as a path forward to achieve my life goal to serve my mother country and at the same time connecting with America my father land. I quitted my VP job at Citibank in 1980, against advice of my father and even our friendly Chinese officials in Hong Kong, since China’s open door was not a sure policy yet and its future faced perceivably insurmountable challenges.
Fortunately, China’s economic reform continued to evolve with greater opening for foreign participation. Bro. I.M. Pei ( FF Fraternity Brother ) was invited to build the first modern hotel completed in 1981 located in Fragrant Hill, wholly owned and managed by Beijing municipality. In 1983 Bro. C.B. Sung completed the first 5-star Great Wall Hotel, the first joint venture given foreign ownership (albeit 49%). As to myself I grew in a few years to be a top American wholesale operator of China travel bringing thousands of Americans every year to see China.
Upon reflection now, the power of genuine friendship and service was a critical factor behind my personal success. The just-opening China had almost no tourism resources. Rigid Chinese officials, policies and practices were extremely difficult to say the least. But I worked with them as friends with respect, understanding and patience, unlike others who looked down upon Communist Chinese with suspicion and contempt at the time. My genuine friendship building with people at all levels from bureau heads, general managers to tour guides, and my personal motivation to serve and do good for the country rather than to make more profit, apparently touched the tough Chinese officials. I was approved more tour visas and allocated more hard-to-get hotel rooms and air and train tickets, despite the fact that I was a banker turned travel operator. By mid-1980’s my company arranged over 10,000 American tourists each year to China with liaison in Beijing, Shanghai and Hong Kong and tour sales offices in eight major US cities grossing over $40 million.
To give back and to help Chinese officials to gain knowledge of western thinking and practices, and to promote friendship between Chinese and American professionals in travel and hospitality, I invited, at my expense, groups of Chinese officials (about 100) every year in the 1980’s to fly over to visit major American cities, and organized seminars and visitations for their exposure and training from tourism development, hotel and airlines management to tour guiding skills. Invitees requiring both central Beijing approval and U.S. consulate visa check included provincial governors, tourism bureau heads, travel service/hotel/airline managers, staff and tour guides. It was their first time venturing outside China, an eye-opening trip of a lifetime to see America’s modern infrastructure and management and, no less importantly, how people worked and went about their daily life. Friendship and good feelings with the American people blossomed from the trip’s intensive people exchanges. In those days American people would look at visiting Chinese unassumingly dressed with strange eyes, but almost always extended warm welcome despite language obstacle. Attached is a picture of “one of the earliest groups of Chinese tourism and airline officials visiting the U.S. in mid-1980’s at an U.S. airline ticketing office”.
“In Beijing: Biannual U.S.-China Tourism Conference in mid-1980’s with U.S. delegates on the left led by Undersecretary of Commerce Donna Tuttle at center next to Mr. Han, Director of China National Tourism Administration. –Patrick standing fourth at left.“One of the earliest groups of Chinese tourism and airline officials visited the U.S. in mid-1980’s at an U.S. airline ticketing office in.” Patrick standing 4th at left.
A key area in early 1980’s for the U.S. and Chinese governments to maintain official cooperation for development was a Bi-annual Tourism Conference held alternately in each country. A great deal of friendship was built between top U.S and Chinese government officials. Some of the issues involved were higher quota for Americans to enter China and airlines landing rights. As a member of the U.S. delegation, I served effectively given my friendship with Chinese officials. Attached is a picture “In Beijing, Biannual U.S.-China Tourism Conference in mid-1980’s with U.S. delegates on the left led by Undersecretary of Commerce Donna Tuttle at center next to Mr. Han, Director of China National Tourism Administration, on the left with Chinese delegates”.
By the mid-1980’s I started to develop with CITS other forms of travel for Americans including international conferences, professional exchanges, student and individual travel heretofore not allowed for foreigners. These programs further expanded the spheres and depth of friendship building between the two peoples.
Efforts to form U.S.-China sister cities were welcome as people friendship started to take hold in the 1980’s before the Tiananmen Square massacre struck relations between the two governments to a standstill, but not between the peoples. Before the turn of 1990’s more sister relations were officiated involving not just major cities, but also Chinese and American towns and counties. My wife at the time working under New York’s Westchester County Executive Andrew O’Rourke linked the county with Jinzhou city.
By the turn of the century as China and its citizens accumulated wealth, more and more Chinese started to come to the U.S. for higher education, and more American students attended premier Chinese universities. This young people friendship was further expanded with the introduction in 2004 of Confucius Institutes which grew to over 100 at its height in 2017 mostly on campus across America. Friendship power reached new height when exchange programs were organized between high schools in major American and Chinese cities. My son Bro. Garrick had been running such student programs in conjunction with Columbia Teachers College for years until current Trump’s policy and Covid-19 pandemic.
Recent historical development of U.S.-China relations is a great example of the POWER of FRIENDSHIP AND GOOD FEELINGS between two NATIONS OF PEOPLE. This friendship state has benefited both peoples immensely in terms of world peace and economic development. China has been able to lift more than 850 million people out of extreme poverty with poverty rate down from 88% in 1981 to 7% in 2015. Americans have been able to enjoy low-cost quality goods manufactured in China with little inflation.
But all these for over 30 years are being threatened as China became the second largest economy by mid-2010’s with expansionist ambitions in trade (one belt one road), technology (lead in 5G, etc.) and military reach (South China Sea control). Friendship and good feelings are under destruction by wars on trade and technology in the name of national security. All forms of exchanges that feed friendship are being reduced. In its place bad feelings are being sewn every day. It brings out one key principle of friendshipology: “relations between nations is based on interest, interest and interest”, said to me by a Chinese ambassador friend. Friendship is a means to an end, sad to say. But one traditional core value of the Chinese people remains : Rites and Friendship “禮義” – whenever and wherever it should be practiced.
Patrick Yau was born in Canton, China and grew up in Hong Kong where he attended New Asia College of the Chinese University of Hong Kong in Economics. He has been a New Yorker since arriving in 1970 for a Master of Public Administration at SUNY at Albany and an MBA at Columbia University. He has retired since 2016.
Patrick began his career at First National City Bank (now Citibank) in 1973 rising to Vice President for Regional Marketing. While at Citibank he was recruited in 1974 by Bro. Clifton Chang to join FF Fraternity, a Chinese fraternity founded in 1910. Patrick has been active every year for almost 50 years, having served in virtually all Lodge and Chapter officer positions up to Chapter Vice Chair.
In 1978 he founded two companies to pioneer US-China business as a way to engage in China’s economic development as it emerged poor and backward from over 30 years of self-containment. By mid-1980’s his China tour operation grew to be the largest in the U.S. arranging over 10,000 Americans to visit China for sightseeing, business, conferences and professional exchanges. He also sponsored Chinese officials in government, tourism, hotel and airlines management to visit the U.S. to gain first-hand knowledge and exposure to western ways of business and daily life. By late 1980’s his China operations grossed over $40 million with liaison staff in Hong Kong, Beijing and Shanghai and sales offices in eight major U.S. cities.
Patrick also started his other company to organize international industrial exhibitions for China, since China had little foreign exchange nor knowhow to go overseas. In 1986 the first Beijing International Book Fair was held participated by virtually all major publishers from the U.S, Europe and Asia, and attended by then Ambassador Winston Lord. A host of other international exhibitions were held every year covering many industries that China needed for its advancement from agricultural to machinery to television and radio equipment. His company was also appointed official contractor under the United Nations Development Program (UNDP), and facilitated China in importing turnkey production machinery and other technical assistance.
In 1999 Patrick co-founded First American International Bank, an ethnic minority community bank with the mission of serving the Chinese American community in New York City to provide home mortgages, personal credit cards and small commercial mortgages. These credit services were not offered at the time by any American bank branches in Chinatown that only took deposits from the community. In recognition of the Bank’s contribution to community economic development, the Bank was certified by the US Treasury Department as an official Community Development Financial Institution (CDFI), the first and only one for Chinese Americans in the country. The Bank became a highly respected champion in New York’s Chinese American community. Patrick was also responsible for successfully built from the ground up the Bank’s highly profitable fee-based business in China wire transfer, home mortgage origination/servicing, and wealth management.
During his career at the Bank Patrick was a dedicated community banker. He played a pivotal role in the formation of Chinatown Business Improvement District (BID) in 2012 working with other community leaders and public officials. After his retirement he continues to serve on both governing boards of BID and Chinatown Partnership Local Development Corp. (CPLDC). Both have been recognized to officially represent all segments of Chinatown. Patrick served as the Bank’s Executive Vice President for 18 years.
Billy’s Comments : Patrick should be highly commended for his dedication to Friendship Building between China and U.S. – with his admirable Non Sibi Spirit. If Nations can abandon SELF INTEREST ONLY and focus on COMMON INTERESTS and WIN WIN STRATEGIES, True Friendship can still be attained.
I recommend that you suggest a few possible topics
Here are some ideas for starters:
What did your mother or father teach you about friendships?
Who is your best friend, and why?
When did you stand up for a friend?
Think of a friend of yours. When did you realize he/she was a friend?
What is important to you in a friendship?
Shilstone sent Billy another note on Nov. 11th:
Here’s a Veterans Day Thought for Billy’s World
Some of my best and longest-lasting friendships were formed during my 3.5 years in the U.S. Navy. Training in the U.S. and deployment in the Western Pacific brought me into contact with people of all shapes, sizes, colors and behaviors. A young person could not have a better education – and get paid for it.
I’m not advocating reinstatement of the military draft, but I agree with those who think some kind of mandatory public service (say 18 months abroad, in the inner city or on Native American reservations), would pay dividends in promoting human understanding.
Call it a Friendship Draft, and let Billy Lee be the first to go!
Shona and Billy met at ICAF’s World Children’s Festival, Washington D.C. – July 4th weekend 2015
A FRIEND
How brave friends are to sift through all our conversations and keep only the good. When life ends only the good rises up. Time and time again only the good lasts. The effort we made to support others, the times we visited when there were problems, the way we held the ground for others. Good survives and reigns.
Friendship is Art, Art is friendship. I have just written a eulogy for Ngawai Te Hinga Mc Intyre who was 88 years old. A beautiful Maori woman who lived as a monk. What was it about our friendship?
After a day of note taking and sorting pictures of many events, I put the video together and tomorrow it will be used in the service for her.
She was tiny and had a huge spirit. She was multicultural and held a world view on everything.
She had a black belt as her defence and she went to court to prisons, to councils, supporting her whanau`s legal problems. She meant no harm to anyone. She had trained as a minister of the church, one woman amongst 35 men. She then married a wealthy man and travelled the world. When that marriage ended, she became kuia to the New Zealand Children`s Art House around the country.
She got lost in the world of children and danced and sang with them. Now everyone remembers her smile, her joy, her laughter.At 60 she looked 40. At 80 she looked 60. She was forever young.
I am left thinking of her self- dignity, her discipline and her friendship to me. She made me feel I was her bestie, and I know that everyone felt like that. Her best friend. Dismissing complaints, shame pain, blame and the culture of complaint, Nagwai turned tables on so many people with her warmth and smile. Ngawai served humanity without complaint.
I send you her recent picture and her story as a friendship token for your FRIENDSHIP & FRIENDSHIPOLOGY work.
I am a New Zealander. I was born at the end of the war, in Te Kuiti, in the King Country and my earliest days were spent in Pureora forest. I grew up on a farm in Kio Kio near a marae. It was on the border of the King Country and the Waikato. I attended school in the predominantly Maori village of Kihikihi. In my earliest years in Hairini, I was educated in Maori history and I understand the bond with the environment that runs deep in Maori.
That same bond is very deep within me. I am passionate about my native land. I love the stories about the legendary inhabitants of the bush wrapped in cloaks of flax and fern and having sometimes extraordinary powers to meddle for good or for evil in the affairs of humankind. I was lucky enough to be a first scholar at Waikato University and Teachers Training College and developed strong associations with Marae and Schools across New Zealand. I have travelled and taught around the world but New Zealand is my home.
I went to USA for the first time in 1963-1964 on an American Field Service Scholarship. This cemented the significance of the Maori people in my life because I saw many different cultural groups and studied the different races living in New York.
In New Zealand I qualified with distinction as a teacher in 1967 and later in 1989 as an artist majoring in Figurative studies and portraiture. I held the appointed Government position for the Northern Regional Arts Council of the Queen Elizabeth Arts Council and as an artist, I was invited to go to Waitangi to make many sketches of the diverse Maori groups there for the 1990 ceremonies held for the commemoration of the 150 years since the Treaty of Waitangi signing. This was a government commission.
Pirimi’s World, a series of five readers by Shona Hammond Boys QSM, results from her studies of gifted and talented children in The New Zealand Children`s Art Houses of which she is National Director and Founder. Shona was awarded the Inaugural World Children Award 2015, by International Child Art Foundation for her services to children`s art worldwide. Shona`s CV is available on her website and these books are also on line at www.shonahammondboys.com The books are filmed and set to music by He Tangata Digital Media Systems Limited www.htdm.maori.nz with Laban Freeman as voice over.
PIRIMI`S HOMEWORK: Pirimi`s kapahaka whanua is a collection of portraits of his family. He draws this for homework instead of writing and essay. It shows relationships and an extended family life.
PIRIMI`S PEOPLE: A collection of portraits about Pirimi`s neighbours who come from all walks of life and the globe.It includes a map of the neighbourhood and where they all live.
PIRIMI`S NATURE STUDIES: The natural life around him is a subject of great interest to Pirimi. He shares his knowledge of the local animals and creatures in his immediate environment.
PIRIMI`S EXHIBITION: Pirimi`s solo exhibition is to raise money for a Children`s Art House. He puts up 80 portraits of friends and family .He uses his talents to advocate for others.
PIRIMI`S GARDEN AND THE BEES: This reveals Pirimi`s true concern for the environment, the global future and shows how our attitude to the environment matters. Pirimi has a bee hive and advises everyone to stop using sprays and chemicals and to look after the bees.
Billy’s Comments: I met Shona at the 2015 World Children’s Festival sponsored by International Child Art Foundation in Washington D.C. . She was the first person who approached me and inquired if I belonged to a Friendshipology Organization. I answered “No, but how about we explore together to create one ?” We thus became “Bosom Friends”. Indeed, I feel most inspired by Shona’s dedication to Art and the KINDNESS she has practised, taught, and promoted around the world.
We first met seventy years ago, at the home of my Uncle Jack at Bronxville, New York. It is incredible that we stayed in touch all these years through happy youth, prosperous adulthood, and quiet senior citizenship. Confucius used to say that “It is rare to reach the age of seventy”. But we managed to survive to ninety. May the next ninety year be even more prosperous.
Vita: James Wei received his Bachelors degree in Chemical Engineering from Georgia Institute of Technology in 1952, M.S. and Sc.D. in Chemical Engineering from MIT in 1954 and 1955 (with a minor in Fine Arts from Harvard). He also has a degree in Advanced Management from Harvard Graduate School of Business Administration in 1969. He began his career as a Research Chemical Engineer for Mobil Oil Research in 1955, and advanced to Manager of Long-Range Analysis by 1969. He was Visiting Associate Professor of Chemical Engineering at Princeton University in 1962-1963, Visiting Associate Professor of Chemical Engineering at California Institute of Technology in 1965, and Sherman M. Fairchild Distinguished Scholar in 1977. From 1971-1977, he was the Allan P. Colburn Professor of Chemical Engineering at the University of Delaware. He joined MIT in 1977 where he served as Department Head of Chemical Engineering until 1988, and was the Warren K. Lewis Professor from 1977-1991. Between 1991 and 2002, he was Dean of Engineering and Applied Science at Princeton University. Since 1991, he was also Pomeroy and Betty Perry Smith Professor of Chemical Engineering at Princeton University.
Dr. Wei has published more than 130 research papers on chemical kinetics, catalysis, reaction engineering, and cancer chemotherapy. He has co-authored seven books, including “The Structure of Chemical Processing Industries” with McGraw-Hill in 1978, and “Product Engineering: Molecular Structure and Properties”, Oxford University Press in 2007. Professor Wei has been editor of several book series and journals including: Chemical Technology, member of the Executive Board, 1971-1979; Consulting Editor for McGraw-Hill Book Series of Chemical Engineering from 1964-1992; and Editor-in-Chief of Advances in Chemical Engineering, since 1982, responsible for Volumes 12-24. He served as the president of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers in 1988. He is currently a trustee of Smith College and the American University of Beirut.
Among Dr. Wei’s awards are: Award in Petroleum Chemistry from the American Chemical Society, 1966; Professional Progress Award from American Institute of Chemical Engineers, 1970; Member of the National Academy of Engineering, 1978; William H. Walker Award of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers, 1980; Member of American Academy of Arts and Sciences, 1982; Member of Academia Sinica, 1982. He was designated one of thirty “Eminent Chemical Engineers,” at the AIChE Diamond Jubilee Meeting, 1983; and Founders Award of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers for contributions to the profession, 1990. He was chosen as one of “One Hundred Chemical Engineers of the Modern Era”, at the Centennial Celebration of the AIChE in 2008
BILLY’S COMMENTS: Jim and I met when we were young college students enthusiastic to befriend others who share similar high aspirations. Uncle Jack’s home was friendly and relaxed. The elders truly encouraged us to strive and to connect. During the past 70+ years, we did not meet that often, but we kept up with each other’s good progress and shared miscellaneoous news of mutual interest. We indeed focused mainly on sustaining “Good Feelings” . We have a GOOD and BEAUTIFUL Friendship, indeed ! Thank you, Jim !
Emilie Spaulding’s first book, Red Clay Girl is the heartbreaking, hilarious, and tenacious story of a middle child’s journey from small town Georgia to New York City and beyond. When she reaches her unplanned destination, self-acceptance, you’ll shout hallelujah! (Red Clay Girl is available at indie bookstores and on Amazon.com)
Listen Up and Learn Something
In the 1950s, I left the southern United States where neighbors were of English, Scottish, or Irish descent. We followed the same unwritten rules on how to dress, what to eat, and how to behave. As years have passed, wanting to find out more, I began introducing myself to strangers, asking them questions, and they told their life stories. The abbreviated stories below are part of my current project called, Listen Up.
Billy Ming Sing Lee, young Chinese Architect and John Viano, old New Hampshire native collaborated together on our modern house in New Hampshire decades ago. Billy used ancient feng shui techniques to snug in our house among trees, boulders, and mountains at the edge of a lake. Even today, strangers paddling by will stop and exclaim and compliment the beauty of Billy’s and John’s work. Billy, as you know, has graduated from building houses to building friendships among nations.
Maya Angelo, a stranger, famous poet and guest speaker at Sleepy Hollow Country Club in New York graciously shared with me how she gets the attention of a distracted noisy group of a hundred or so well-to-do guests at a Sleepy Hollow Country Club, New York benefit. In a change of pace, she tells us how to get others to listen to us.
Jean Royer, called the blueberry man in Moultonborough, NH, went from being a lonely only child to becoming a pioneer computer wizard with his own company. In his next adventure, he owns a PYO (pick your own) blueberry farm. With the help of his wife Jeannine he uses opportunity to befriend dozens of strangers from all walks of life as they pick berries in his fields.
Ken, Supervisor of a Recycling Center in New Hampshire, fondly called the Dump, spreads his cheer talking to hundreds of people daily, even though all seem in a hurry to get on with their lives. He listens to complaints and suggestions and helps out in a myriad of ways. Oh the stories Ken knows…
Dave, a Ship’s Captain in Alaskahas a glamorous job where he gives equal attention to the whales, guests, and crew. This debonair man’s loyalty to his childhood sweetheart, now his wife, was touching, and inspiring. Captain Dave listens to port officials, crew members, and ship guests as if they were family.
Sharon Jones, renowned singer from Portsmouth, New Hampshire was often the only Black child in her class. She tells how her mother, her dog, and a doll given her by her teacher helped her get through being ignored by the other kids. She has found her magic singing to people all over the world. Having courage, being entertaining, and caring about strangers are her trademarks.
Edwin, a car salesman in North Carolina got his start selling vacuum systems. He convinced a wizard of the KKK who originally tried to turn him away because of his race, to buy a vacuum cleaning system from him. Edwin has built trust, friendship, and respect with all of his customers – former strangers – but now friends. He works his magic by acts of kindness, thoughtful gifts, and staying in touch.
Elaine, daughter of the painter portraying Booker T. Washington, founder of Tuskegee Institute, speaks of her, her mother’s, and sisters’ regrets of not being allowed to participate in racial protests and activities. Afraid their father might lose his job, they could only listen, not talk. Their frustration lasted for decades. They have taught me to feel fortunate I have been able to freely communicate and hear other viewpoints.
Conclusion: Asking, listening, and respecting strangers has changed my life. Before I started this project Listen Up, when I saw an unknown person sitting alone at a party and felt sorry for them, I rushed over to make them feel welcome. I thought I was doing them a favor. Now I know better. Today when I rush over to talk to a stranger, it is to listen to their story, understand them better, and marvel at what I can learn.
Billy’s Comments: Emilie wrote me a week ago: “My second book which I’m 3/4 of the way through is about how much one can learn from listening to strangers who are different from you. Especially the thought that wouldn’t this be a better place if we strangers talked and listened to each other.” Emilie and husband Dick Spaulding were my architectural clients at first. We are now Dear Old Friends. Dick, btw, lured Emilie from Georgia to New York City. Dick, while at Scholarslic Magazine, also discovered and introduced Harry Potter to the world.
CYNTHIA ENGLISH FOUNDER – CEO – Chief Happiness Cheerleader GLOBAL SCRIBES : YOUTH UNITING NATIONS® TECHNOLOGY FOR POSITIVE YOUTH IMPACT Support: Youth Uniting Nations® Leveraging innovative technology for positive youth impact, our Scribers develop enlightened respect for humanity and its diversity while discovering their own talents and passions. Our ‘For Youth, By Youth, ALL Youth’ platform, Scribers WorldTM – The Creative Hub for Global Youth – augments formal education and spurs meaningful communication to Create. Connect. Collaborate. inspiring our global youth to become empowered global citizens.
Forgive me for being late with my submission… the beauty & depth of so many of your stories in Billy’s blog took me to faraway lands in times I will never know but wish to hold in my heart to feel what I just might be able to understand. A different time, different countries, and yet, stories of movement & change, fear & finally, fraternity…stories which continue to occur each day all around our world.
There is nothing I love more than diverse people, their cultures & our world filled with sights & sounds, smells & textures of ‘different’ mixed in with the clarity of ‘similarities’. Spending my life living, working & traveling across our globe looking through rose-colored glasses since childhood, it was a disjointed moment when I felt a chill of change walking through the Helsinki airport in 2013. I was in one of the safest cities in the world, yet the sense of unease I felt was palpable– perhaps the culmination of a series of borders crossed. Either way, It was then I was struck with a vision to help re-direct what I suddenly saw as a backward trajectory to chaos & re-entrenchment happening around the world. With finite space, finite natural resources already stressed in so many places, changing climes (since the beginning of time) and migration for work or safety a continuum, the skills of listening and compromise seemed to be lost or breaking–for a global citizen, ‘regression’ was a sirens call. Compromise must find a way back into global discourse not be discarded. One world perspective needs to find a place.
The world needs more than a bandaid–we need a long-term solution. I began asking myself questions like, ‘How can we really make ‘unity’ happen?’ ‘Can global peace really ever come to be?’ There are countless organizations working on solutions, indeed, the United Nations has been striving for peace for years. But there is a difference between talking and doing. And, as we all know, trying to change adults is nigh impossible. We are a tough group, non? So, I started thinking about what the world is doing today & where we are going… if my goal is to give more people the opportunity to understand that we are all just people with more similarities than differences…and open doors of possibility…where do we start to build global trust? In my opinion, having global friendships is the beginning of building cross border trust. Breaking generational fears of ‘other’, of ‘different’. I chose to focus on our global youth. If our future Stewards of Humanity & our Planet can go through life with friends from around the world, they just might pave the way as Youth Uniting Nations toward global care and unity. And when THEY are our household, community, corporate, country and even global leaders, they will bring with them a perspective too few people share today.
Next question, ‘How do I reach them?’ Technology. In my day as a youth, we had teddy bears, today, that phone in their hand?– their ‘teddy bear’. The thing that gives them a sense of security has a lot of power.
Then next, ‘What is the foundation of friendship?’ Similar Interests. Working together on projects. Laughter. Empathy. Understanding. Trust. If we remove those elements of adult life which can cause huge rifts between families and countries, we will give the kids a chance to have fun building solid friendships. Then one day, with the security of a solid friendship, the ability to listen and discuss, knowing they can agree to disagree and their friendship will remain strong, subjects like religion and politics can be introduced.
‘What can we build that will interest 8 – 21 year olds?’ Giving them their own community where ALL youth are invited to participate. No religion. No politics. No segregation. of any kind. A community ‘for youth, by youth, all youth’. No (or few) older adults. & ‘keep their attention? It needed to be inline with gaming & FUN!, with the added ability to provide a sense of accomplishment .
In June of 2014 I founded Global Scribes: Youth Uniting Nations®– Create. Connect. Collaborate. www.globalscribes.org click on GSIM radio their own radio station Scribers built, their YouTube Channel, their Instagram & so much more… See two of our Scribers from Turkey & Qatar on the TEDx red carpet, see their award-winning film ‘Ocean Eyes’ for the Blue Ocean Film Festival, see their interviews & so much more… With a concept of HAPPINESS, we moved from concept camp to a prototype build out in Jordan, from 16 kids to youth from 46+ countries with no formal marketing. Over 5 steps, ‘Scribers’ (the kids named themselves) write poetry, music lyrics, creative stories or narratives or share their artwork in their native language and in English (the best they can); they prepare ‘selfie’ videos describing their stories or storytelling or play their composition; they create a short film called, ‘The Life I Lead’; they join GSYUN Teams like Science & Nature, Finance, Green Entrepreneur, Newsletter, Bon Appetit & more to discover their own talents & passions & build their self-esteem & efficacy, & lastly; they join a weekly video call to finally meet one another in real time. It is an honour to say we have Scribers who have been participating for 3 – 5+ years– they call GSYUN their ‘second family’. The place they feel safe. Some have graduated from high school and are in University now. Some are looking for their first job. Some say they never in their lives thought they would know someone from that country, would never have a friend from there, & never in their lives did they know that maybe one day they would travel there. Most say they are happier. They know there is always a Scriber there to listen to them without judgement, to share their fears, tears, failures, triumphs & success. Positive mental health is a keen necessity in these times. They have learned they can do anything by walking through an opened door of possibility.
‘Just an idea’ began to flourish so much I had to pull it back so we can get the next phase of technology in place so we may touch the lives of hundreds of thousands of global youth. The prototype of our Y.U.N. App is built, we need only the last funding to build out the entire App. For Youth, By Youth, ALL Youth. Adding new layers to a simple idea of global friendships. Friendshipology is a thriving concept– I feel so blessed to have met Billy at Stanford when I was there as a GES+ winner…as you might imagine, we have an unbreakable bond. I so hope to meet you all one day… in the meantime, if you would like to know more about GSYUN or how you might help us move forward in connecting our global youth in a safe, healthy & positive way, please connect with me! cynthia@globalscribes.org
THROUGH COMMUNICATION – INTERACTION; THROUGH INTERACTION – KNOWLEDGE; THROUGH KNOWLEDGE – UNDERSTANDING; UNDERSTANDING ILLUMINATES & ALLOWS US TO CREATE A CLOSER WORLD. This quote by R. Civita is a FOUNDATION of GSYUN
VITA: Founder and Visionary, Cynthia English spent the first 22 years of her diverse career in the fashion industry traveling worldwide sourcing vendors, managing manufacturing, shopping stores for inspiration and overseeing product design, as well as buying for retail stores, on behalf of some of the largest global fashion brands. She has been responsible for businesses ranging in $volume from $4.0m to $86.0m in sales and/or inventory value. Both a passionate writer at heart-having written her first book at age 8, “Ralph the Mouse”-and an entrepreneur since the age of 21, her creative spirit began to take hold after leaving the corporate world behind. She opened a small interior design company and created great dates™, a concept focused on building closer relationships through shared experience, which targeted multiple platforms including print, television and the internet. great dates™ was picked up by the Hallmark Channel and then subsequently dropped when Crown Media shifted their opening strategy to classic re.runs. Cynthia’s life continues to evolve as she explores cultural interchange in every corner of the globe- from climbing the pyramids of Tikal, Guatemala to inspecting vanilla vines in Bali to being a volunteer in Zambia for Habitat for Humanity to trekking over 800 km solo from St. Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela, across El Camino, St. James’ Way. In an about-face from her high-glamour fashion roots, she learned how to survive with one change of clothing, the shoes on her feet (and her pink flip-flops), thus opening doors to an entirely new world of adventure brimming with freedom, more privilege, and everyday miracles. Cynthia graduated from the Marshall School, University of Southern California, with a degree in International Finance and Duke University’s Non-Profit Management School. Fortunate to attend the Aspen Writer’s Conference, and Oxford University’s School of Continuing Education for Creative Writing, she learned to champion criticism, stay unique, and to keep striving to be better. Taking inspiration from her many and widely varied adventures, she has had articles published in the United States and Europe, her first thriller novel was published in the United States in 2010 and she is now pursuing her childhood passion-writing and outreach. Cynthia heeds the impassioned plea of a young woman named Honig, whom she met on a train between Budapest and Bucharest–”please, never stop delivering world adventure to those unable to make the journeys themselves.” And to this end, embracing the human dynamics and cultural riches she has known, she perseveres through life’s lessons to provide powerful messages of love, acceptance of different and distinct lives, and preservation of free spirit in all humanity, regardless of origin and culture through the current scaling of Global Scribes: Youth Uniting Nations® the App & web-portal, Y.U.N. or Scribers World™️ is planned to launch in collaboration with SAP Next Gen and global academic and corporate partners as soon as final funding is found.
John Ming Yee Lee is my younger brother by six years. We are both retired Architects and graduates from Yale School of Architecture. He is well known internationally for his design of Citizens’ Center and China Merchants Bank Tower in Shenzen, China. While working with Edward L. Barnes Architects, he designed the IBM Office Tower in NYC and introduced the famous Bamboo Pavilion. The elegant Thurgood Marshall Federal Building in Washington DC bears the Architects names Barnes and Lee, after he became a full partner. John has two sons and two grand daughters. He now resides at Rossmore, a fancy retirement community north of San Francisco.
‘I want to call your name, but the word dies in my throat. Oh, my friend, my friend.’Those were the final two tear jerking lines in ‘The Friend’ a novel by Sigrid Nunez. The story is about a lady writer who inherited a Great Dane that belonged to her ex-lover who had committed suicide. Early on, it served as a reminder of memories with him. Despite the difficult condition of having another large living body in a tiny NYC studio apartment, the two developed a friendship that she treasured more than the one with her ex-lover. It was not simply because of the loyalty as expected of a dog. It was its lack of ego and demands and its quick sensitivity to her moods and feelings. A Great Dane’s life span is relatively short as I understand with most large dogs. The dog passed away when they were briefly staying near a beach in the summer to escape the hassles of the Big Apple.
I finished that novel a short time before Billy asked me to contribute an essay for his Friendship website. I first decided to google the subject. That was a mistake. I was totally intimidated. There are dozens of books dedicated to friends and friendship. I ended up reading only a selection of quotes.
‘The only way to have a friend is to be one’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson’Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses…’ – Michelle Obama. (That applies to men as well.)
‘A single rose can be my garden,.. a single friend, my world.’ – Leo Buscaglia’I may not always be there with you, but I will always be there for you.’ – Unknown An overwhelming majority of the quotes seem to imply that friendship is limited to between humans. But I believe that most of our experiences are otherwise.
I now live in a senior community where many would not survive without their bond with their pet friends. And there are so many true touching stories we hear.The retired laborer who lives by himself next to the rocky coast. He found a distressed penguin one day and nursed it back to health. It was released back to the ocean after a few months. Next year around the same time, he was surprised to find the penguin wobbling up to his shack and it was so happy to see the old man. The penguin stayed for a period and went back out to sea. That visit now happens every year.
On BBC News last week, it showcased a lady living in a high rise befriending a bird. During the lockdown, the lady noticed a bird on and off resting on the window sill. She tried to feed it by hand but it would fly away. So the lady decided to leave the crumbs on the sill. The bird would come and feed on them. After a few days, the lady tried again to feed it with the crumbs in her hand. This time it took. Now that bird would come every day and the lady would pat it on the head and the bird would affectionately peck at her finger in response.
We of course all know about Jane Goodall and her chimpanzee family.
Of course I am not belittling human friendship. I would not be here today without their help and mentoring. As Ming Wang pointed out in her essay, there are many levels of friendship. But human friendship can also be fickle. My friend Art told me about an incident when he was young and full of himself. He had a crush on a lovely lady and they got together on and off. One day, they went for a drive in his old convertible. With her long hair flowing in the wind, Art was totally entranced. Words poured out of his mouth how he had a crush on her and how absolutely gorgeous she was. She stayed quiet throughout with a slight smile. When they got back, she turned and told him that she would not ever want to see him again!
At any rate I am writing this because I believe that far too often we have forgotten that we too are part of the animal world. There can be rewarding bonding not limited between humans.
