By Billy Lee – PA 1951

Norman Allenby, Bob Doran, Billy Lee , and George Rider met at Phillips Academy Andover as first year students in 1947. They have stayed in touch over the years and recently came together as they reached 90, to propose the launching of an Intergenerational Historically Memorable Project to commemorate Andover’s Contribution in Educating Global Teenagers. Particularly meaningful to them are Andover’s NON SIBI motto and the Diversity and Cross-cultural Inter-connectedness encouraged at this very special Melting Pot Community.

Billy understands that Andover’s “Non Sibi” means “Not For One’s Self ”. It actually implies “Non Sibi Sed Aliis” or “Not for Self but for Others” and “Non Sibi Sed Omnibus” or “Not for Self but for All”. The Bond connecting Norm, Bob, George, and Billy is not a commonly social one. They are bonded by the Spirit of Non Sibi learned at Andover. In their separate lives, each had done laudable deeds- Not for Self but for Others. Norm promoted Water Reuse. Bob promoted Culture and Art. George lifted underprivileged youths to gain better education. Billy attempted to build Good Feelings between U.S. his father and China his mother. Billy and Norm went to China together to introduce Norm’s Bio-chem Water Purification System. Bob contributed to Billy’s Chinese Children’s Environment Art Exhibitions throughout US. for two years. As our class correspondence secretary, George always mentioned Billy’s project in every PA Alumni issue.

Billy is thankful for Andover’s emphasis on the School’s Motto, in words as well as in deeds. The school is purposefully in service to its own community as well as the society at large and tries to make both more inclusive and equitable.

Billy recently recollected a few incidents at Andover when Non Sibi or True Caring was truly felt:
1  Summoned to Dean Benedict’s office. Instead of being disciplined, he was told that his father had financial difficulty, but Andover had a job for him at the Common’s Kitchen. Dean Benedict gave Billy a firm hand squeeze. Ms. Dickey, the Dean’s secretary, gave Billy the warmest smile.

2  Mrs. O’Conner from the town of Andover did laundry for Andover students. Billy was the delivery boy. She always prepared Tea and cookies for Billy. She always asked about Billy’s family in China.

3. Gordon Hammond ’50 helped Billy do his homework when Billy could not fully understand what he was reading. Gordon invited Billy to Gordon’s New Hampshire home where Billy first tasted fermented apple cyder.

4  House Master Harold Howe took Billy and a few other Andover students who couldn’t go home on Thanksgiving to go climb Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire. Billy learned about sharing Group Fun in the Great Outdoors.

5  English Teacher, Hart Levitt, volunteered his private time to coach Billy for the Senior Essay Reading Competition. Hart Levitt’s advice: “Speak with your Heart. Never Mind too much about Correctness.” Billy shall always remember him as Mr. “HeartLevitt”.  Although the title of that Essay was ” Why I Do Not Want to Become An American Citizen ?” Billy became An American Citizen and now considers America his Father and China his Mother, and he must do what he can to sustain that Good Relationship.

6  Of course, Abbie Emmons from Abbot first taught Billy how to dance and how to explore Goodwill Friendships. Reach out and smile warmly. That’s the Non Sibi Spirit !

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Taken from an article by Art Salzfass – Rossmoor Ukelele Club ( RUC )

Propinquity is the phenomenon of forming a bond between people you share some physical or psychological proximity with. Creating tight interpersonal bonds with the people who are around us most often is a natural human thing. According to Wikipedia, two people living on the same floor of a building have a higher propinquity than those living on different floors.

Propinquity implies being connected. It can come from spending time in a place “where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came.” There you hang out together and become a fixture.

 A recent study found it takes about 50 hours of propinquity to make a casual friend; 90 hours to make a real friend; and about 200 hours to create a close friend.

At Rossmoor, there is one big club, the RUC, and lots of subgroups each of which meets at a different time so members get to feel they belong in many ways. Each member can be part of an extended community and has several opportunities to bond with the other members: to develop friends, to have experiences together, to share adventures, to sing and play together, to laugh together. That’s why people join; that’s why people stay. Kinship – the benefits of belonging.

BILLY”S COMMENTS: As a socially- concerned Architect, I am especially interested in the designs of such places – the physical and psychological environments for the various social activities. Architects should focus more on the design of SOCIAL GATHERING PLACES – be they Coffee Shops, bars, Gyms, Swimming Pools, Reading Rooms, etc. etc. etc.

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Mike Sterling always looks for Sources of Inspirations for Billy’s https://friendshipology.net January 2023

Billy learned :

With Love, Kindness, Good Companions, and Mutual Support,  we will survive the dark storms together.                                                                   

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By Billy Lee – Dec. 30, 2022

Yesterday, Lucille and I were invited to a lunch party in Cupertino, California. As both of us were no longer able to drive, Harry who invited us, personally came to pick us up, took us to Alexander Steak House, then delivered us home afterward. At age near 90, he was in good physical shape, but his kind transportation offer meant miles of driving and more than two hours from his extremely valuable time. To me, that was a special expression of mutual fondness and caring friendship.

Indeed, dear relatives and old friends, are precious – especially when they make extra efforts to visit one another. Old friends, Larry and Sophia, from Lexington, Mass.– both near 90s – traveled West to spend a few days with their son and grandchildren for Christmas. They carved out a special time to gather with us last week. The gathering was possible only due to their special efforts.  So, Thank you, Larry & Sophia.

CF and Florence are our generational family friends. CF is already 96 and needs a walker to move slowly. They were here from Washington DC to visit their younger family members. They knew that Lucille and I no longer drive and will find it difficult to join any gathering outside our home. The whole Kwok Family of ten came to our home for dinner. They brought food, service, lot’s laughs, and good spirit – deepening our Generational Family Friendship.

I discovered that I did a good thing yesterday. At that lunch gathering at Alexander Streak House, fourteen people were seated around a long rectangular banquet table. The elder members sat around one end and a younger group the other end. I observed that the young generation was actually quite interested in the elders’ conversations. So before dessert was served, I moved myself to sit with them on the other end. Some Special Bonding seemed to have been initiated.

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