By Billy Lee – July 2022

Be Nice Me,  for I really like to be Your Friend.

Be Nice Me,  for you surely want me to Be Nice You.

Teachers teach us to Be Nice to Each Other, to Everyone, even Those who aren’t nice

I will Be Nice You, for  I really like to be Your Friend.

Don’t hurt me, for it hurts when you take my toys and sometimes break them.

It really hurts when you ignore me or tell me that I’m no good.

It takes away all Trust when you tell others lies about me.

Please don’t force me to dislike someone else who actually has been nice to me.

Be Nice Me for we can share Joy & Fun.

Be Nice Me,  for we can build sandcastles together, and we can paint together and give our best drawings to please our grandmothers or Nai Nais.

Cheers !  Let’s All Just Be Nice.

NOT TO JUDGE OTHERS ABSOLUTELY
By Billy Lee – Feb. 2022

A recent post, “ It Takes Character To Apologize After 70+ Years” taught me a lesson and made me feeling more Hopeful & Encouraged. Yes, we have all made mistakes , but mistakes can be corrected. Feelings may have been hurt, but Good Feelings can be reinstated. Recognizing one’s own mistakes comes with experience and learning – sometimes enlightened by other people we trust. To apologize and offer amends shows maturity and indeed wisdom. Carrying a deep sense of guilt for any length of time is burdensome – not possibly enjoyable.

Sometimes we have hurt people without knowing so. Sometimes even good intentions bring unintended and not very good results. Often we react too quickly and most of the time we don’t take time to choose the most appropriate way to respond.

Two weeks ago, as my two adult sons came to dinner, I learned from them something unbelievable about myself. “ Dad, you were really blunt and demeaning to your Architectural assistants, when you had your practice at home. We heard it all. It wasn’t just once or twice ! “

Wow, I couldn’t believe that I was so unkind, but I could not deny that I had reprimanded the young assistants often and emphatically to drill deep my complaints. I had yelled “Stupid ! Have you no brains ?” Truly, I thought I was doing them a favor, but I did not do it the right way. Truly, I did not intend to hurt them, but I should have realized that the way I treated them was insensitive and inconsiderate. It could have hurt deeply as my two adult sons now assured me. I truly need to apologize to my young assistants – sincerely, most regrettably – belately – now after 30+ years.

I have been on the receiving side myself. My French teacher had called me, “Impossible ! Imbecile !” in front of the class. My mother had given me “Chestnut strikes” on my head how many times I don’t remember. Certain schoolmates had taunted me because I was Chinese and I was skinny with yellow skin. Fortunately, I am not a grudgingly sensitive person. I never considered myself a victim, and I found wonderful qualities from the same people after we got to know each other better.
Being kind of naïve is my real blessing. Forgiveness just comes naturally for me. It has served me well. Indeed, in today’s world we really need more tolerance and forgiveness. Apologies are not effective if the other side is not willing to forgive. Apologies surely will not be accepted if there is no trust in its sincerity.

Indeed, I must thank my nurse maid who told me about Guan Yin (觀音) , the Goddess of Mercy , when I was a child in China.

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10″ DOS” reach out & Be A Friend         交好友的十条

Be joyful & encouraging                  要快乐和鼓舞

Be trustworthy & reliable                 要忠诚和信赖

Be open & tolerant                      要坦诚和容忍

Be patient & calm                      要耐心和平静

Be considerate & respectful              要理解和尊重

Be humble & willing to apologize          要谦恭和乐于抱歉

Be caring & engaging                    要关心和奉献

Be sincere & loyal                      要真诚和忠心

Be smart but also kind                  要精明和和蔼

Be generous ,unselfish, & willing to forgive  要宽宏大量和无私, 多原谅

10 “DON’TS” stirring up fear, suspicion, anger, & resentment  交友应避免的十条

DON’T be indifferent, passive & not caring          不要不感兴趣，被动和不关心

DON’T be self-righteous, arrogant & demeaning     不要狂妄自大 和 贬低, 贬损

DON’T be disrespectful and inflexible              不要不尊重和固执

DON’T be humorous while hurting other’s pride    不要因幽默而损害他人的自尊

DON’T be a bully  (only feared but never loved)       不要 恃强凌弱 以大欺小

DON’T be carelessly critical & insulting             不要漫不经心的批评和侮辱

DON’T be pretentious or cynical                  不要自命不凡和冷嘲热讽

DON’T expect others to change instantly         不要期望他人即刻改变

DON’T expect others to agree on everything      不要期望他人同意所有的事情

DON’T let a small difference turn into hatred   不要因一点小小的分歧而变为憎恨

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TAKES CHARACTER TO APOLOGISE AFTER 70+ YEARS- by Billy Lee – Feb. 2022

Classmate George wrote to fellow classmate Walter::

Dear Walter,
Billy copied me on your email information about Andover’s motto: “NON SIBI”.                                  I Ihave lived since Andover with the guilt of my reprehensible behavior Lower year in Salisbury house. Thanks to Billy, I have a chance to apologize. No excuses! I’m sure Suds would join me.

We were so full of ourselves, there was little room on several occasions, to act in what became and was and is, civil and friendly behavior. I’ve lived with the guilt ever since.
Your story parallels the history of other classmates. Believe it or not, I’m a published author as of 2015, a far cry from my interest back then.
I understand completely the reason we have lost contact. I hope it’s not too late to make amends.
I’m attaching “Some Enchanted Afternoon”. We are living in Essex, Ct.
                                                Sincerely,
                                                  George

Walter replied:

Dear George:  Your memory is better than mine. I remember there was something in Salisbury House, but that’s all: details rubbed away. 
I do remember that Bob Thompson lived across the hall from me that year at Andover; for many of the years I’ve been at Yale, he was master of Tim. Dwight College, one block away from my house. Our paths very occasionally crossed. RIP. You can catch up with me in Wikipedia.  No amends needed.

Best regards,  Walter

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Mike Fink wrote: “i met billy ming-sing in 1951, our freshman year at yale, class of 1955.  i invited him home to providence, r.i. that first thanksgiving.  he came, brought charming gifts  (a box of chinese tea and a lounge robe.  which i wore and kept and then gave away to a lovely girl who said no to me and turned into a vanished dream.  many decades later at a reunion i asked billy what he could recall of that event and he said “nothing” but then proceeded to join me in a loyal bond with the very idea of yale nostalgia.  and now, we are the bookends, the pillars, of our vanishing class roster.  we are survivors and somehow beyond friendship it has become a symbolic and “existential”  (i use that word loosely, perhaps privately, maybe as the poetic credo of our generation, in some way) bond.  i have many chinese students at the r.i. school of design, and i have a special good will toward them and keep in touch long, long after their commencements as their alum status transforms into a wine of good will and even a kind of intimacy.  currently i have an alum and former t.a. named yifan du in china who told me i inspired him to try to teach as i do.  i know profoundly my own failures and inadequacies, but his faith in me stands for the way friendship works.  brings out the best along with the small and humble virtues of gratitude, respect, good will, and provides a needed comfort in these times of distancing and doubting.  anyway, if this does manage to reach you, thank you so very much, billy, for staying with me ! 

i am currently the longest serving faculty member in the history of RISD (Rhode Island School of Design )  i came as an instructor in 1957 and have not quite yet retired, although i believe that by the time my present elective classes will reach semester end in may,  my final accounting will be to gather up my souvenirs, books, and assorted paintings and framed sketches from my marvelous office salon and find someplace to pile them up.  then what? shall i live out my allotment of years among the crates and shelves and with my wife’s impatience with the heap of histories,…or will the gods figure out something surprising for me?  dunno.  my only travels to china were by way of hong kong, where i spent a sabbatical semester, or part of it, offering to the baptist college there how to gather the best dvd movies from the hollywood of my/our generation, featuring portraits of china.   oil for the lamps of  china.  the bitter tea of general yen.  (frank capra film with barbara stanwyck and nils asther  (i think) )  and a number of others…..hoped to make it to the jewish town of kaifeng to “research” the connection between the silk road communities of a lost tribe of israel and now the visits of students to reconnect these chapters.    hey i didn”t mean to go on and on,  once you reach a certain age you tend to over-answer simple questions, so i’ll stop here for now   i have taught bird watching, documentary film-making, and “journalism”–for six decades and more.

forgot to include the flick  “the painted veil” with greta garbo and herbert marshall and george brent.  taken from a somerset maugham story    among the dvd choices i asked the hong kong baptist college to add to their new collection of hollywood’s evolution, politically, toward china.  in the dramatic years of the 1930s into the 1940s.  oh i could go on and on about that,  but i will spare you for now.  i did visit the hotel in hong kong where somerset maugham kept his social set lively …”

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