It’s true that different drinks can create different modes of friendship. For example, sharing a cup of tea can create a cozy and intimate atmosphere, while sharing a beer or a glass of wine can create a more relaxed and social vibe.

Tea has been associated with more formal or refined social settings, such as afternoon tea parties or business meetings. It’s also a common drink for close friends or family members to share during intimate conversations or catch-ups.

Beer, on the other hand, is often associated with casual and laid-back social gatherings, such as sporting events or parties. It’s a popular drink for friends to enjoy while hanging out and having a good time.

Wine is often considered a more sophisticated drink, associated with fine dining and formal events. Sharing a bottle of wine can create a sense of intimacy and relaxation, making it a popular choice for romantic dates or dinner parties with close friends.

Of course, these associations can vary depending on cultural and personal preferences. Ultimately, it’s the company and the context in which the drink is consumed that creates the mode of friendship.

Pouring tea for a Friend is part of the engagement. 

_____________________________________________________________

I have two friends whom I have not yet met face to face, although we

have met via Zoom once and exchanged emails only a few times. I

consider them “ TRUE FRIENDS OF OUR WORLD – MY NON -SIBI SED

OMNIBUS FRIENDS “.  I truly love, admire, and respect them.

JOSHUA FREEDMAN is a specialist on Emotional Intelligence, an

author, and CEO at SIX SECONDS, a non-profit EQ NETWORK

dedicated to teaching Emotional Intelligence around the World.

 <www.6seconds.org> <en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Freedman>

RICK HANSON, Ph.D. is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of UC Berkeley’s

Greater Good Science Center , founder of  Wellspring Institute for

Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, and many times New York

Times best-selling author.  

<amazon.com/Rick-Hanson Books/s?k=Rick+Hanson&rh=n%3A283155>

Amazingly, our Friendship grows as I faithfully read their

weekly e-messages. They truly nurture me spiritually.

This week, Six Seconds wrote about “How to get more JOY from

FREUDENFREUDE.”  Definition of FREUDENFREUDE is simply “Taking

 pleasure and enjoying another person’s success.” ( Schadenfreude is

just the opposite – Taking pleasure in other’s Misery.) 

I actually experienced this unique Feeling of Joy recently when I

congratulated Will Schwalbe and Brian Wong’s on getting their books

published. Will’s “We Should Not Be Friends” and Brian’s “The Tao of

Alibaba” are truly much needed contributions to our World.

Rick Hanson introduced his CHANGE YOUR MIND – Relationship

Program- just after THE STRONG HEART. 

He presented his programs in a joyful, and mellow caring tone

and demeanor. The graphic images used especially help many of us

feel and connect with his messages. For example:

I truly Love, admire, and respect these two fellows, because I believe

that they are sincerely doing what they do to benefit the World, and

they do it so effectively.

They are TRUE FRIENDS OF OUR WORLD and MY NON SIBI SED

OMNIBUS FRIENDS.

______________________________________________________

Billy’s Thoughts

I am so grateful to have received a signed copy of this book from my FF Brother, Brian A. Wong. THE TAO OF ALIBABA elicited most optimistically how Jack Ma and his Alibaba Team achieved their stupendous success from the start – with NO TECH, NO PLAN, and NO MONEY. In praising THE TAO OF ALIBABA, Dr. Parag Khanna, International bestselling author of THE FUTURE IS ASIAN, suggested, ” This book will teach entrepreneurs how to build a global business better than any MBA course ever could.”

For me, I was especially impressed by Jack Ma’s advice to Brian, when the latter was thinking of striking out on his own to achieve meaningful contributions. Jack obviously knew Brian’s personality and capabilities very well already. His advice to Brian was succinct and specifically suited: “ Go deeply explore some poorest locations and communities.” I think Jack knew that Brian will find the True Compass, and Opportunities and Urgent Challenges are waiting there in abundance for solutions.

Helping and Caring to uplift people in need – inclusively, intelligently, and determinedly – is essentially what THE TAO Of ALIBABA is about. I also learned from this book that Teaching, Educating, and Sharing Knowledge – proudly yet humbly – are important in our efforts to serve the World together. We know that Jack Ma is a superb LEADER-Teacher. Brian has similar Capabilities and Compassion. THE TAO OF ALIBABA unquestionably is a very helpful Global Teaching Tool. Thank you, Brian, for sharing your unique personal experience with all of us. You are a dear personal friend, and you are a true “Friend of Our World”.

__________________________________________________________

  

Billy Lee  December 2022

My good friend, James G Luce, thinks a mile a minute. I usually can’t keep up with him. But he is kind and often slowed down a bit and patiently explained what I was still puzzled about.

I thanked him for WALKING MY PACE WITH ME.

He replied,” WE ARE ALL  WALKING DOWN THE ROAD TOGETHER. The conversation is enlightening at all times.”

I inquired if there is a song already with that name, and if not will he compose one for our <https://FRIENDSHIPOLOGY.net>

James first mentioned that “ON THE ROAD AGAIN” written by Bob Dylan and sung by Willie Nelson was worth remembering. He dashed out the following composition the following day:

Walking Down the Road Together

By j. luce

Inspired by Billy Lee

(Sung to the tune of Roundup Lullaby, my favorite childhood song)

(links to the history, the score, and the melody )

http://pnwfolklore.org/wp-nwhoot/index.php/2018/09/24/a-cowboy-poet-and-a-song-odyssey-by-stewart-hendrickson/

http://folksongcollector.com/desert.html

Walk’n down the road of life all by yourself

Ain’t my kinda way to get around.

What’cha need is folks who sorta dream like you

Who help ya let your troubles settle down.

Slow down, so love don’t fly away

There’s time enough for talk’n, just forget about that squawk’n

Yes folks, we all can get along,

it must be true ‘cause it works for me and you

Yes folks, we all can get along,

it must be true ‘cause it works for me and you

Nothin’ miss’n in your life but more good friends.

Nothin’ that you need is in a store.

What the world is miss’n is within your heart,

Share’n what you got’s a real good start.

Yes folks, we all can get along,

So get walk’n down that road with your companions.

OBT

____________________________________________________________

Billy’s Comments: Luce and I got acquainted when we both joined The 1990 Institute thirty-two years ago.

He has always been kind by WALKING MY PACE WITH ME.

____________________________________________________________

by Dorothie & Marty Hellman

DOROTHIE: My not feeling heard was at the root of many of the arguments that Marty and I used to have. And, as I look back, I suspect that much of his anger and frustration was also at not feeling heard, though he tended not to use those words.

MARTY: I was so out of touch with my feelings earlier in our relationship that I can’t imagine having said, “I don’t feel heard.” I would have put it in some more “logical” framework like, “You’re wrong!”

DOROTHIE: One day, after making a lot of progress, but still far from where we are today, we got into an argument over something so “important” that neither of us can remember what it was about. What both of us vividly remember, and what was really important, was the surprising way in which we moved past the previously insurmountable barrier of my not feeling heard.

MARTY: As the argument progressed, Dorothie told me what I’d heard a million times before: “You’re not listening!” So I told her what I’d also said a million times before: that she was wrong, and that I had heard every word she’d said.

We went through a few more iterations of her exclaiming, “You’re not listening!” followed by my loudly asserting, “Yes, I am! My ears are open. What do you want me to hear? Just say it.”

In the past, each such iteration would have made both of us more frustrated and angry. But we had made enough progress at this point that, while Dorothie was determined to be heard, she did not get mad at me. She dug her heels in but did not attack me.

DOROTHIE: Operating at that more mature level allowed Marty to do something that created a crack in the old dam of resentment. He asked me how I knew that he wasn’t listening. I told him that, if he were listening, he’d be behaving differently.

MARTY: At first, Dorothie’s reply didn’t seem to help, since I had no idea what I could do differently. Exasperated, I told her, “I’m doing everything I can humanly think of to hear you, but there must be something else I could do, since you’re still not feeling heard. What is it?”

I didn’t really expect an answer, but to my amazement, Dorothie replied, “You just did it.”My immediate reaction was confusion and disbelief. What had I done to make her feel heard?

DOROTHIE: Initially, my response surprised me every bit as much as it did Marty. I had thought I wanted him to hear whatever I’d been saying about the source of the argument—the thing both of us have since forgotten. But what I really wanted was for him to stop denying my reality. I didn’t need him to agree with me since I, too, can be wrong. But I needed him to be open to what I was saying and feeling. I needed him to have compassion for my point of view. I needed him to “get curious, not furious.”

MARTY: After a moment of disbelief that such a small shift could have cracked this seemingly uncrackable nut, I realized the genius of what Dorothie had just said. As long as I told her that she was wrong about not feeling heard, I might be hearing the words coming from her mouth, but I was not listening to the deeper message coming from her soul. I really was not listening.

DOROTHIE: What you just said highlights another important point in the resolution of this argument. I had said, “You’re not listening,” but what I really meant was, “I don’t feel heard.” In a way, you were right. You were listening to my words. But as you just pointed out, you were deaf to the deeper message coming from my soul. Thanks for translating for me

Dorothie Hellman :

Celebrate what presents itself.

Accept what you can’t celebrate.

____________________________________________________

Billy’s Comments:

The above was taken from Dorothie and Martin Hellman’s book “ A New Map For Relationships.” Creating True Love & Peace On The Planet.   You can download a free PDF or buy a hard copy at Amazon.

I had the honor of meeting this amazing couple at their talk at USCPFA-S.Bay a few years ago. It was most inspiring to find two individuals from very different cultural backgrounds willing to share their very private dilemmas with the rest of us. I learned from them that arguments do not solve problems. Only deep listening and understanding of the other person‘s heart and feelings may help build Love & Peace on Earth.

 PRAISE FOR A NEW MAP FOR RELATIONSHIPS

 “… a truly unique book that tells an engaging and persuasive story relating domestic peace to world peace. This book should be read by married couples seeking peace at home, as well as by diplomats seeking peace in the world.” —William J. Perry, Secretary of Defense 1994–1997

_______________________________________________________

Billy selected from <google.com> August, 2022

 

Examples of Words of Affirmation

“Everything is better when you’re here.”

“I appreciate it when you are helping us. “

“We couldn’t do this without you.”

“I’m so lucky to be with you.”

“I’m so thankful to have you in this life.”

“That’s truly impressive.”  “It’s so true !”

“Thank you for your good suggestions on X, Y, and Z.”

______________________________________________

Billy inspired by Charlotte Hiltons Andersen’s “ 60 Acts of Kindness for Kids to do to Make The World A Better Place “ –  August, 2022

For Family:

Send a get-well card.

Text a funny meme.

Give a well-deserved compliment.

Do a chore for a dear sibling.

FaceTime a grandparent.

Give a hug to Mom, Dad, or a Cousin.

Read a book to a sibling.

Offer to be “Mother’s helper”.

Offer to walk the family Dog .

Organize the plastic containers.

Help prepare dinner, set the table, or wash the dishes.

Share a picture to express gratitude for something beautiful.

For Friends:

Write to a pen pal.

Make a friendship bracelet.

Leave five kind comments on social media.

Make a friend laugh.

Share toys and books.

Pick a dandelion for a friend.

Help with homework.

Pay for a friend when appropriate.

Give a friend a high five.

Write a friendship poem.

Help a friend with a project.

For a Neighbor:

Make cookies for a neighbor

Help bring neighbor’s newspapers or package up to their porch

Help shovel the sidewalk, or rake leaves

Take dinner to an elderly neighbor

Be polite, respectful, and cheerful with a happy smile.

For Teacher and Classmates:

Help pick up trash, stack chairs, put away supplies or whatever the teacher needs.

Eat lunch with someone who seems lonely.

Invite others to play together.

Donate extra sports-equipment to school as others may need them.

Tell someone they did a great job.

Talk to the new kid.

Volunteer to help hand out assignments. Save the teacher some work and time.

For the Community:

Help decorate lunch bags for community kitchens.

Put grocery carts back from parking lots.

Donate old books to local library, community center, church, or school.

Make cards or drawing for a retirement home.

Give thank-you cards to service workers who help you on a regular basis.

Make special kits for homeless people.

Donate toys to a children’s hospital.

Write letters to soldiers who serve our country selflessly.

For the World ( added by Billy ):

Be friend people with different cultures and backgrounds,

Promote and cultivate GOODNESS in each of us.

For Our Planet:

Ride a bike instead of driving.

Plant wildflowers.

Conserve water and energy use. ( added by Billy )

Pick up litter at a local park.  Pick up litter and put in trash bin whenever possible.

Collect recycling and take it to a drop-off center.

Learn more from each other about our eco system. ( added by Billy )

__________________________________________________________________

Billy Selected From <Google.com> August, 2022

• Congratulations! We’re so very proud of you!
• Your hard work and perseverance have paid off. Congratulations!
• Congratulations on your well-deserved success! You’re an inspiration!
• Warmest congratulations on your achievement! Wishing you even more success in the future.

“You’ve worked so hard for this. Congrats!”

“This is awesome! You’re awesome! Way to go!”

“Congratulations to the new home owner! With your touch, it’s going to look amazing!”

“I want to be the first to congratulate you on your promotion,”

“Cheers on the new job. You deserve it.”

“Congratulations! I am happy for you.

You should be really happy and proud of your success.

Congratulations on getting promoted! You are such an inspiration, and I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished

_____________________________________

_______________________________

Building trust doesn’t happen overnight . When it comes to building trust, try to keep a long-term approach. Be honest, honor your commitments, admit when you’re wrong, and you’ll be well on your way to being seen as a trustworthy person.

Core elements needed to start the process to build trust:

Authenticity. Being authentic is about being real and truly yourself. …

Objectivity. Openness , Without prejudice, Fairness

Consistency.  Reliability, Even Tempered

Vulnerability.  Modesty, Empathy & Compassion

Communicativeness. Intelligence, Clarity & Inspiration

Ways that you can build trust within a team:

Provide opportunities to build Relationships and Trust among team members.

Offer networking opportunities for team members to share their capabilities.

Speak the truth, respectfully.

Highlight successes from Team work.

Encourage transparency. Give Credit when Credit is deserved.

Admit when you don’t know something.

Be honest and supportive. Helping others grow generates Trust.

Be quiet sometimes. Not overly and publicly critical.

Be consistent.

Model the behavior you seek.

Keep roles and responsibilities clear.

Build in accountability & sense of reliability.

Extend empathy to others.

Make feedback part of the culture.

Empower your team to be self-organized