WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS – The Story of a Friendship – by Will Schwalbe – Billy’s Thoughts:

Will Schwalbe and Chris Maxey, in my opinion, are destined to become friends.  They are both likable human beings who very much wanted to be liked. They basically believed in the value of Friendship from the start and was willing to risk the full Senior Year at Yale– two nights every week- to mix with fourteen especially diverse classmates most of whom they did not know well. BZ, Berzelius Senior or Secret Society at Yale indeed brought them together, and the BZ’s Audit tradition indeed encouraged them to explore personal differences and find beauty in the other persons.

The story focused on Will (a Nerd) and Maxey (a Jock) joining BZ. Will is also Gay while Maxey became a Navy Seal. Normally that is not going to mix well. It took time to learn about one another. It took many special moments and the right atmosphere to spark connectedness and eventually intimacy. The book described their growing friendship from Bright College Year, to Twenties and Thirties, to Midlife, Forties, Fifties, Middle Fifties, Pushing Sixty, and Coda.  I salute the two fellers for being honest and sincere – more importantly civil and respectful- and indeed their conscientious efforts to keep good vibes continuing. Each feller is intrinsically Loving and Lovable and each possessed amazing abilities and character. Their separate life stories are genuinely impressive notwithstanding.

I truly believe that The BZ Audit Tradition indeed challenged their quest to form Friendship with different contrasting personalities.  Indeed, BZ had a reputation for emphasizing Diversity. It was the first among the Secret Societies at Yale to admit Black members. It was the first to welcome Female members. I believe I was recruited partially because I came to the U.S. from Shanghai, China. The Audit Program was carefully guided, and it has been proven to be very successful. BZ’s Mission: Achieving Insight thru Open, Honest, Exchanges of Experiences – a Place for Contemplation & Reflection- Develop Good Characters, Tolerant of Others- Forging links, Mind to Mind, in a Chain Unbroken.

Place of Engagement is significant to me, an Architect. For Will and Maxey, their magic place is the Roof of the Hall. The need to climb up thru a hatch and to find open sky must have affected their mind and opened their hearts.

I also believe in Angels. For me there is clearly a Third Person in this amazing story. On top of Page 170 David Singer yelled at Will: “He’s hurting. A lot. Just fucking call him.” Will called Maxey who was in distress. Very often a Friendship is guided or saved by a caring Third Friend.      ___________________________________________________________________________+

PEOPLE THRIVE WITH PROPINQUITY                                 ROSSMOOR IS SUCH A COMMUNITY

Taken from an article by Art Salzfass – Rossmoor Ukelele Club ( RUC )

Propinquity is the phenomenon of forming a bond between people you share some physical or psychological proximity with. Creating tight interpersonal bonds with the people who are around us most often is a natural human thing. According to Wikipedia, two people living on the same floor of a building have a higher propinquity than those living on different floors.

Propinquity implies being connected. It can come from spending time in a place “where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came.” There you hang out together and become a fixture.

 A recent study found it takes about 50 hours of propinquity to make a casual friend; 90 hours to make a real friend; and about 200 hours to create a close friend.

At Rossmoor, there is one big club, the RUC, and lots of subgroups each of which meets at a different time so members get to feel they belong in many ways. Each member can be part of an extended community and has several opportunities to bond with the other members: to develop friends, to have experiences together, to share adventures, to sing and play together, to laugh together. That’s why people join; that’s why people stay. Kinship – the benefits of belonging.

BILLY”S COMMENTS: As a socially- concerned Architect, I am especially interested in the designs of such places – the physical and psychological environments for the various social activities. Architects should focus more on the design of SOCIAL GATHERING PLACES – be they Coffee Shops, bars, Gyms, Swimming Pools, Reading Rooms, etc. etc. etc.

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FRIENDLY ARCHITECTURE ? by Edward Wuenschel – August 2021


The post in your blog about friendly architecture had me a little puzzled at first, as this is a new way of thinking for me about architecture. I had observed that architecture of makes a statement, for example through form and function, but friendliness hints at the subtle effects that architecture has on the soul and the senses. Shortly after reading the article, I found myself exploring the map of the US, curious about places and regions where I used to live or had traveled. A memory arose in my consciousness about a road that I used to drive on my way between Baltimore and the Albany, NY area shortly after graduating from college in the early 1970’s.. The road is The Taconic State Parkway.

Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia under the heading of Scenery:

Landscape architects such as Gilmore Clarke worked closely with engineers and construction crews during the Taconic’s construction, often on site. Some features of the road’s design address practical considerations and increase safety. Curves that climbed or descended were banked to increase vehicle traction and permit better drainage. Likewise the curves in undulating terrain are located to reduce blind spots at crests and keep the sharpest turns out of valleys. These also make sure that views of distant landscapes open up on downgrades and on long curves, when they are less distracting.[12]

Closer to the road, on the northern sections in Columbia and Dutchess counties, the road was routed to showcase a nearby view of wooded hillside or a farm. Since trucks were not permitted on the road—for some time, this even included privately owned pickup trucks used solely for personal use—in many sections tree branches overhang the roadways, creating a park-like canopy. The curve of the northbound AMVETS Memorial Bridge over Croton Reservoir echoes the surrounding hills. On the medians and berms, plantings were carefully planned to maintain continuity with the surrounding woods. On the descent into Peekskill Hollow in Putnam Valley, the trees and shrubs above the retaining wall on the east side were transplanted from the path of the highway, which retained the appearance of the local forest and saved money.[13] Overpasses, both carrying roads over the parkway and carrying it over roads, were faced in native stone.[12] Grade intersections, usually a feature engineers tried to avoid, which initially helped keep local east–west routes open[14] and connect the parkway to the landscape it traversed,[15] have since either been closed or replaced by overpasses.

As a result, the Taconic has been the subject of much praise over the years not only for its vistas but for the way it harmonizes with the surrounding landscape. Sociologist Lewis Mumford, who often criticized the effect of superhighway construction on contemporary cities, always advised friends traveling up from New York to visit him at his house in Amenia that they should take the Taconic.[16] He described it as “a consummate work of art, fit to stand on a par with our loftiest creations”.[17] The engineers, he said, had avoided “brutal assaults against the landscape.” Albany-born novelist William Kennedy, whose family frequently drove the Taconic during his childhood to visit relatives further south, called it “a 110-mile [180 km] postcard. It’s the most beautiful road I’ve ever known—in all seasons.” “You can drive it with confidence”, said automotive writer David E. Davis. “There are no bad surprises about the way the road is engineered.”[18] Landscape architect Garret Eckbo called the Taconic “as lovely an integration of highway engineering and landscape architecture as one could hope to find”.

 Commenting on this years later, architecture critic Matthew Gandy wrote:

Clarke’s design for the Taconic State Parkway, for example, provides a vivid example of a new kind of mediation among nature, technology and society, with what appears to be a delicate balance between the new infrastructural project and an imaginary natural order. Implicit within this aesthetic dialectic is the notion of engineering as an art form that can in some way embellish or even improve upon nature: there is no radical disjuncture here but a sense of aesthetic progression and purity of form.[19]


So there you have it, one example of “friendly” architecture.

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Billy found the following Taconic State Parkway photos from Googling. He learned from Ed Wuenschel’s writing above that indeed FRIENDLINESS is a JOYFUL FEELING created thru THOUGHTFULNESS and UNDERSTANDING of HUMAN NATURE and our INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP to NATURE :

FRIENDLINESS, indeed, privides a warm feeling of COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE SURROUNDING and the satisfaction of FEELING THE WONDERFUL BRIDGING and CONNECTING.    

Taconic State Parkway

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A PICTURE BOOK ON FRIENDSHIP THAT WARMS YOUR HEART

Mike Sterling always looks for Sources of Inspirations for Billy’s https://friendshipology.net January 2023

Billy learned :

With Love, Kindness, Good Companions, and Mutual Support,  we will survive the dark storms together.                                                                   

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