By Billy Lee – January 2020

Rushton Hurley, Founder and Executive Director of Next Vista for Learning ( https://Nextvista.org ),  read the article, ’Seven Tips To International Friendship’ from https://MingSingLee.com . He immediately approached me and asked for an introduction to the author, Jeremi Snook, Executive Director of Journey- Friendship Force International  ( https://www.thefriendshipforce.org ).

Indeed, it gave me great pleasure to arrange this connection, because both of them are devoted to the same cause, and both have established platforms to promote THE SPIRIT OF INTERNATIONAL CROSS-CULTURAL FRIENDSHIP! It made my Winter Holidays 2019 the happiest One, indeed!

Andover Classmate George Rider, who attended Yale as I, sent out a challenge to our Andover-Princeton friends to submit news for the Andover Alumni News Magazine.  Within two days, two classmates responded although neither of them attended Princeton. One wrote joyfully in high spirit, but he informed us that he was writing to us from a Hospice. Yes, Jocko and I were both considered ‘Foreign Students’ at this New England Prep-school – I was from exotic Shanghai and he from the wild-west Wyoming. I decided to reconnect with him. I wrote to him with an attached video about Chinese Opera and told him that during my childhood days in Shanghai, my father had bought two ponies for my brother and me. My pony was especially sweet and proper. It always trotted behind my elder brother’s slightly taller fella. Subsequently I suffered quite a few times the accidents from behind-the-tail. I also asked him to check out the Chinese opera singing. They actually sound very similar to the famous howling winds in Western Wyoming.  Jocko countered with pictures of his cowboy country and said that he really enjoyed our holiday exchanges. Indeed, Jocko and I played soccer together at Andover in 1950-51. Both at the forward line had practiced swift short passes back and forth to each other. Now we are happy to connect by email, from wherever we are. This is what I call Rekindling Happy Childhood ( possibly Childish ) Friendship after age 85.

I was thinking about what meaningful experiences to share with good friends during this Holliday Season. I decided to explore various MOMENTS. Yes, there are the ‘AH-HA’ Moments. ‘MAGIC’ Moments, ‘MOST CONFUSED’ Moments, ‘FRIGHTENING- PANIC’ Moments,  and ‘WAKE-UP-CALL’ Moments, etc. etc.. Sharing intimate and personal MOMENTS, I believed, enhances BONDING.

A most ‘Magic Moment’ I had ever experienced was that morning when I arranged for a group of middle school students from Menlo Park, California to travel to Beijing to do a mural painting together with a selected group of Chinese students at the China National Children Center.  As the Chinese students, teachers, and their family members noticed that the American Guests had arrived at the main gate, 15 designated painter students started to line up in one row and their teachers and parents gathered behind them.  The American students without instructions instinctively marched forward and lined up in a row opposite the Chinese students, and their teachers and parents lined up behind them.  Ms Chen, the Chinese Activities Director, cheerfully welcomed the American guests and suggested to the students who were going to paint together to first close their eyes but stretch out their arms and walk slowly towards each other. That person whose hands they touch was to be his or her Painting Partner for the weekend.  The students had various facial expressions with their eyes closed – some anxious, some curious, some more determined, and few naughty with mischievous thoughts. Amazingly most adults from both sides were in AWE. They looked intensely at the children who were about to touch each other. Some smiled with lips sealed, a few were in tears. They, including myself, felt a special MAGIC MOMENT There is HOPE for PEACE, PURE FRIENDSHIP AND GOODWILL for our future generations.

Billy Ming Sing Lee –李名信 – November 26, 2019 

People generally regard Friendship or Having Wonderful Friends extremely important in life.  As the world gets more interconnected, all of us now want to seek understanding and bonding with good people from different countries to share what I simply call “ Wonderful Connecting”.  In this article, I like to introduce to you a remarkable friend of mine – an American Woman, a Teacher, a Mother, a creative Innovator, and a courageous Dreamer-Doer.

Prof. Anabel Jensen will be celebrating her 80th birthday on Nov. 26, 2019. We met in August 2016 via an introduction by a mutual good friend, Ann McCormick. who knew that I was doing research on Friendship, Empathy, and Compassion and could really learn more from “ Dr. Jensen “- President of Six Seconds and professor of education, Anabel Jensen, Ph.D., is a master teacher and a pioneer in emotional intelligence education. A two-time Federal Blue Ribbon winner for excellence in education, she was Executive Director of the Nueva School in San Mateo, California from 1983 to 1997 where she helped develop the Self-Science curriculum featured in Daniel Goleman’s 1995 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence.

I found her remarkable when we first met. Instead of trying to impress me with vast knowledge and high intellect, she readily embraced me as an old trusted friend. She was both open and warm. There was no air of self-pride or conceit. She did show ambition, however, hoping to enable Six Seconds – her Emotional Intelligence Network -to reach a Billion People Practicing EQ globally in five years, but that was really her way of expressing dedication to her Cause and commitment to Hard work.

Mission of Six Seconds is: To help all people learn to know themselves, choose themselves, and give themselves. Vision: To co-create an emotionally intelligent world. … Strategy: Six Seconds works directly with schools, organizations, and businesses to bring emotional intelligence into practice. Emotional Intelligence helps people to relate to each other more wisely and more harmoniously for a Better World. With help from colleagues like Susan Stillman, Joshua Freedman, and many other very dedicated colleagues, Six Seconds has indeed reached out globally via “Partner with an EQ Expert” – now over 150 countries  ( including China ). With pride and joy, on Nov. 20th they celebrated, in partnership with UNICEF, by bringing EI ( Emotional Intelligence ) to children and adults around the world on this Universal Children’s Day.

While the What and Why can be succinctly explained, the How and When is an Art  in implementation. Anabel Jensen’s Noble Goal is “balance Accountability & Compassion so that ethical decisions will flood the globe”. Her favorite EQ competency is Exercise Optimism. 

In her April 2006 blog, she told about her 10-year old son’s distress over his much-adored father’s uncommon death. This was the way she comforted him: “Caleb, this crisis is isolated. Yes, our immediate family is dramatically affected, but we still have Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Pat, and Aunt Tamie. And Caleb you have so many loyal and supportive friends.” “This will not last forever; time will ease the disillusionment and the pain.” “Caleb, we can grow and become stronger if we look at this as an opportunity rather than a total disaster. Caleb I know you can find the courage to face this problem.” Anabel gave much credit to Martin Seligman’s book “ Learned Optimism”. She concluded “ If I could only teach my child one lesson, I would teach how Adversity can be gilded with Hope.

Prof. Jensen’ intellectual curiosity is another dimension I admire and marvel at.

In her August 2019 blog, she described wondering before drifting off to sleep: “what life would be like without words.” She imagined bodies shining in different colors in reflecting inner emotions. She coined it Emo-Shine: What an Imaginary World with visible Emotions can Teach us about Language, Labeling Emotions, and  Practicing EQ. All really creative people have ideas which appear absurd at first!

Finding the Right Words is really important – not only for articulating and understanding the Emotions, but in actual teaching or relating to different persons. To me personally “ It is important to simply Get Along.” Therefore Empathy and Emotional Intelligence make a great deal of sense.. However, if they are simply skills to be used, as skills they can be misused or abused. But my friend and mentor Prof. Anabel Jensen’ s basic personality is full of Love and Caring for the World.  I trust her totally.  Indeed, if Six Seconds is to help the world it has to understand the different Emotions effected by different cultural languages, thoughts, and behaviors.

For most Chinese like myself, the following Words are extremely important :

理解      Lijie  –  Understanding

情感  Qingan  – Emotion

友    You  –  Friend & Friendship

智    Zhi  – Intelligence

慈 Ci – Compassion

爱 Ai  –  Love

信    Xin – Trust              

For years, I have been stressing the urgency to create an“Ideal International Cross-cultural Institute on Friendshipology. I think my remarkable friend’s Six Seconds Network seems to be an almost perfect model for it. I really wish her well – especially on this her 80th birthday.

On February 19, 2019, Prof. Anabel Jensen and Ms Ann McCormick gave a presentation to a delegation from Shanghai’s FuDan University School of Finance, visiting Silicon Valley. They both stressed Empathy & Compassion in Creative Innovation.

By Billy Lee – Nov. 2019

I truly believe that much of world’s chaos is caused by our lack of knowledge on how to build FRIENDSHIP or HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS – “The Necessary Lubricant For All Human Activities”. For quite a few years, I have been urging : “ FRIENDSHIP should no longer be taken for granted “ and “ It’s time to focus on the creation of an Ideal International Cross-cultural Institute on Friendshipology !”

When questioned what are the most important ingredients necessary to start such a project, the obvious answer was “ A “- Generous monetary support and “ B “- Competent Individual(s) able to lead such a project.”

Early 2016, I started to test my idea with Prof. Ronald Egan, Director of Center for East Asian Studies at Stanford University. Dr. Egan’s instant reaction was that Friendshipology wasn’t quite the right word I should use. Indeed, another friend also told me that it sounded too much like Scientology. But since no one offered me a more suitable alternative, I decided that I should for now stick with Friendshipology as it has indeed provoked comments and deeper thoughts. Dr. Egan recommended that I should get in touch with Prof. Jean Oi who was recently appointed Director of Stanford Center at Peking University in Beijing. “ She may be interested in new cross-cultural projects” he said. He generously allowed me to mention his name and promptly provided me Prof. Oi’s email address.

Prof. Oi knew that I was an active board member of The 1990 Institute. She and her deputy, Jennifer Choo met with me several weeks later after her return from Beijing. While I was repeating non-stop the urgency of my observations, Oi abruptly but politely put her hand on my wrist and said : “ Mr. Lee, may I call you Billy. Since I have another meeting to attend in fifteen minutes, may I quickly summarize my response to your Dream. I like your passion and vision, but you need to start with a concrete project” I quickly held her hand and asked, “ Can we do a meaningful project via Stanford Center in Peking University ?”. She asked if I could help in fundraising. I promised 200% effort but no absolute guarantee of success. Prof. Oi promised to mail me a reply in two weeks. Deputy Director Jennifer Choo smiled. We all shook hands then parted.

Indeed, in two weeks, Prof. Oi replied favorably and provided examples of earlier joint projects with Peking University in varying disciplines and scopes. Oi was proud of the fact that her Stanford Center could count on full cooperation from each of the seven schools at Stanford. Deputy Jennifer Choo already figured out the next step. She offered to introduce me to Prof. Jeanne Tsai, Director of Culture and Emotion Lab at Stanford’s Psychology Department. Tsai seemed to be the perfect leader to coordinate a suitable “Concrete Project” via Stanford Center at Peking University that will eventually lead to the Birth of an Ideal Cross-cultural Institute on Friendshipology.

Weeks later, after several exploratory meetings, Prof. Jeanne Tsai with assistance from Mr. Yang Qu and Elizabeth Blevins presented a draft proposal titled : The Role of Emotional Values and Expression in the Development of Cross-Cultural Friendships in the US and China. This proposal aimed to (1) study the role of emotion in the development of cross-cultura friendships and (2) develop an intervention based on these findings. The 3-Year experiment will involve simultaneously 120 Chinese students studying at Stanford and 120 Western students at Peking U.. and functional MRI will be used to examine the neural mechanisms underlying the psychological ( affective, social, cognitive ) processes when individuals make quick or unconscious decisions. Total Budget for this 3-year Project was estimated to be US$ One million and 50 thousand.

I was truly impressed and delighted. My only additional suggestion was to add another $50 thousand to cover a global submit at either Stanford or Beijing near the end of the project to invite international experts to evaluate together and comment on this project and identify what needs to be further researched globally.

With the Project Proposal and Budget determined, Prof. Jean Oi invited two senior members from SUDO (Stanford University Development Office) to meet with us to discuss fund raising ideas. Mr. Yang Qu from Jeanne Tsai’s Lab first presented the Project and made himself available to answer any questions. When asked how I can help in fund raising, I presented a two-page list of friends whom I planned to contact – starting with a few “Potential Mega Donors“ followed by those who may donate collectively.

I was extremely disappointed when the gentleman from SUDO looked at me and said, “ I am so sorry. You have a good list but you are herewith advised not to approach your “Mega Donors”, since Stanford already knows these people and we have them targeted for much larger projects.” He turned around towards Prof. Jean Oi and asked about some other projects FSI ( I think Stanford University Freeman Spogli Institute is the larger umbrella over Stanford Center at Peking .) was pursuing.

After the meeting ended, Prof. Jean Oi very sincerely apologized to me and explained that Stanford Center could not at this time sponsor our project, however she will be more than happy to lend us the use of their Stanford Center facilities at Peking University if we can find an alternative sponsor.

Prof Jeanne Tsai was very resourceful and well connected internationally. She suggested that we work thru Stanford’s Humanities Department. In a very short time she arranged a possible joint venture with Peking U’s Psychology Department. Knowing that many potential contributors look for immediate relevancy or immediate benefits from the research project, she wisely modified her proposal to make it feel more relevant. In her new proposal, she added photos comparing the wide smile of Vice President Joe Biden with that of then China’s Vice President Xi Jinping – in analyzing values of Human Emotions in Cross-cultural Friendships.

Again, we met with another officer from SUDO- this time one managing Humanities Projects. This gentleman told us that our project was not considered “Large”, yet it was larger than the normal research projects on Humanities. He advised that we reorganize and split it into three separate phases and seek funding one phase at a time. He also examined my list of potential donors and asked who were those friends beside the potential “Mega donors”. He also informed us that Stanford Admissions policy will not allow us to approach parents whose kids are about to apply for college admissions. This rule pretty much wiped out the usefulness of my prepared donors list.

The Project fizzled near Oct. 2017, but my Dream, Conviction, & Hope remain. Had coffee last Tuesday with my dear friend, Marsha Vande Berg, a fellow Board Member at The 1990 Institute. She encouraged me to tell my story to more of my friends and keep the IDEA alive.

Billy Lee 李名信 ( Member US-China Peoples Friendship Assoc.) January 2019

Here are a few very inspiring quotes on Music from Positivethesaurus.Com :

Bono: “ Music can change the world because it can change people. “

Wm. Congrave: “ Music has charms to sooth a savage beast, to soften rocks, and bend a knotted oak. “

Lao Tzu: “ Music is the soul which can be heard by the whole universe. “

Harry Styles: “ Amazing thing about Music, there is a song for every emotion.”

Maria Augusta von Trapp: “ Music, a magic key, opens most tightly closed hearts.”

EdgarWinter: “ Music is very spiritual, it has the power to bring people together.”

Hans Christian Andersen: “ Where words fail. Music speaks.”

I have been doing research informally on friendship, empathy, compassion, and how to connect people – especially children – from around the World.

Few weeks ago, I was introduced to Prof. Andrew Jones ( Director of China Studies at U.C. Berkeley ) who showed me an interesting publication of selected Chinese Children’s Songs. Immediately an idea popped to mind : “ To introduce specially selected songs from different countries to each other may be a wonderful project to promote.”

I tested this idea among a few “usually responsive friends”, and here are few of their very helpful and encouraging responses :

Arthur Gregg:

“We are the world” a song that immediately comes to mind, also Up With People, an International Singing Group in the 1960-70s.  A critique wrote, “Music and social actions create opportunities for youth to develop a better understanding of the world, recognize the responsibilities they have to each other, and become global citizens by acting as positive agents of change.”

Jackson Barkstrom:

I remember the impact, singing 同桌的你 ( You at the same table ) at Qiaoqi Primary, had on me and the other teaching assistants during the 1990 Institute sponsored ACE trip to Shanghai three years ago. We were all near crying or barely holding ourselves together. Then we taught the Chinese kids “You are my sunshine” in our ACE English class, and they loved it. 

Bob Doran:

You have never had a Bad Idea. This one might Sing Globally.

Alice Chiang:

I can see compiling a book of songs for children from many different countries including CDs.  A great way for children to learn about different languages and cultures and make friends with people from different countries.

James Luce:

Once you have collected the appropriate songs, titles, lyrics, and musical scores these can be transmitted to schools, daycare centers, Boy-Girl Scouts and other youth organizations.  Separately, here is a title for your Friendship Movement: C.A.R.E. ( Compassion, Attachments, Relationships, Empathy ) A mosaic without cement is just a pile of pebbles. Friendship is what bonds people together.

Ryan A. Leonard:

Some popular children’s songs share the same melody across languages- for example, the French nursery song ”Frere Jacques” is “Are You Sleeping” in English, and Two Tigers (兩隻老虎) in Chinese. (It’s fun to learn both.)

Fred Gardner:

I don’t mean to be discouraging. I think it’s a great idea, but I wouldn’t expect too much in the way of (automatic) cross-culture benefits from it. (other inducements and facilitations will likely be needed ).

Stephen Smuin:

My idea is a bit different. Take myth stories from other countries and put them on as plays. ( How about Musical Plays based on Myth stories from different countries ? )

Megs Booker:

Start with a two country project. Use Chinese songs as part of 1990 Institute’s Jazz Program in China.  Should contact our friend, Jazz Composer and Pianist, Jon Jang.  <jjang@igc.org>

Fred Pratt:

Your latest idea is neither naive nor all that novel. When I was studying German at the famed graduate language school at Middlebury College (back in the 1960’s), we regularly sang German folk songs (Volkslieder) as a means not only to learn popular and colloquial German, but also as a means of encountering and appreciating a different language and culture. We had a wonderful little book of songs which introduced itself with these words: “Sprich, und du bist mein Mitmensch; Singe, und wir sind Brueder und Schwestern!” This translates easily into English: “Speak, and you are my fellow man (human being); Sing, and we are brothers and sisters!”

At a late age of 86 this year, and not at all competent in media technologies, etc., I realize that such a project needs to be embraced and implemented by younger and more competent enthusiasts – perhaps even visionary academic institutions, multi-national companies and governments which all have convenient global connections. I decided, however, that I should first clarify my own thoughts by writing down a Basic Plan which can be further developed or modified by others later.

Here is my Naïve 4-Step Basic Plan :

• Step One :   Start with a few International popular songs to set a testing model. The selected songs should have instant emotional impacts as well as long-term memorable qualities. Music or melody generally provides the mood; Lyrics provide Meaning.  Good recording and singing with clear enunciation are essential. Ultimate goal is to generate Personal Joyfulness, Group Bonding, and Cross-cultural Appreciation.

• Step Two:    In preparing the Package, understanding the indigenous spirit as well as the eventual international appeal require thoughtful translations. Books, CDs and Video are useful tools. Package should be well designed.

• Step Three:  Distribution to Schools, Boy-Girl Scouts’ camps, Daycare Centers, Youth  and Senior Centers, International and Cultural groups, Libraries, Book Stores, etc. etc..  Engage Educational Institutions, Multi-national Media Companies, and International Governments.

• Step Four:  Promotions to make sure that Music becomes a more integral part of our Life globally. Have Performers and the Listeners inspire each other! Reach out to all around us! Promote Friendship, Empathy, Compassion. Connect people around the World. Heartily learn and enjoy each other’s most endearing songs.

Notes :   This is an effort in Bridging Heart-To-Heart Across Different Cultures. This is a GLOBAL CHALLENGE PROJECT to my more competent younger friends around the world.