I have a recurring dream… I am back in college and I go back to my dorm room to find complete strangers there. Where are my best friends Woody, Bill, Steve, Tom and Ed with whom I shared four wonderful years playing poker late into the night instead of studying for exams, debating politics over stale beer and pizza, road-tripping to an all-female college to DJ at dance parties? They are nowhere to be found.  

In my dream I am my age today (62) surrounded by other students in their late teens and early twenties. Why am I here? I had graduated over 40 years ago and I am back in school again? I’ve been there/done that. What is there for me to learn this time around? I feel lonely and lost, desperate to find someone whom I recognize, someone that I can call a friend.

At this point I typically wake up in a panic, followed by a wave of relief and joy with the realization that this is just a dream. Thank goodness my real life is filled with people whom I love and love me in return. I am not alone in this world to fend for myself without anyone to cover my back. I have a small circle of close friends with whom I can share my greatest joys, my deepest disappointments, my treasured hobbies and recreations. We have vacationed together every year for the past 35 years.

Nevertheless a few months will go by and I will have this dream again. My wife Tonia suggests that perhaps imbedded in this dream there is a lesson, something that I have not yet learned which is why it keeps coming back. I take her advice to heart and do some self-reflection.

Underpinning this dream is a deep-seated fear of losing what is the most valuable to me in my life, my dearest friends. I have always known that friendships can deteriorate over time with neglect. Therefore I make a special effort to stay in touch either physically, verbally or via text/email messages. Shared experiences are essential in maintaining the bonds of friendship.

So what would it take to break these bonds that have been forged over decades of friendship? The withholding of love, compassion or sacrifice due to selfishness or self-preservation.

I have been blessed with the good fortune of living in a rich country during a period of peace and prosperity with the benefits of a good education and rewarding career. My friends and I have never had to confront the challenges of poverty, ill health or debilitating misfortune. In one of my favorite movies The Big Chill, a chill always goes up my spine when the character Nick exclaims to his best friends from college:

“Wrong, a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; you don’t know anything about me. It was easy back then. No one had a cushier berth than we did. It’s not surprising our friendship could survive that. It’s only out there in the real world that it gets tough.”

What if the real world that my friends and I had met was not the United States but a developing country in which we had to fight for precious resources to survive or to advance? How might we have behaved with one another then? Would we be able to lean on each other in times of desperation and suffering?

People who have been convicted, faced social ostracism or encountered crippling disabilities have said that during those difficult periods you find out who your true friends are. My close friendships have never been put to such tests and I hope they never will. However, the question remains: will I be there to assist my friends if it puts me and my family in jeopardy?

I would like to think so, but to be honest I don’t really know until I am actually in that situation. Perhaps not knowing is what haunts me which is the lesson behind this recurring dream. If I don’t know how I would behave as a friend in the face of danger and peril, then I need to experience what it feels like to be totally alone in the world. Feeling that pain of isolation will hopefully fill me with courage to act as the true friend that I would like to think I am.

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 Michael is the Founder and President of Fung Capital, a venture capital firm investing in early-stage technology companies. He has been married to his best friend Tonia for 33 years and father to two wonderful children, Karina and Mason. Most recently Michael co-founded Roses in Concrete, a public charter school serving primarily students of color in East Oakland. He and his wife started Karma Pictures, a media company developing feature films telling Asian American stories. He served on non-profit boards such as Center for Asian American Media, Head Royce School, and Center for the Pacific Rim at USF. Michael has a B.A degree from Harvard College and an MBA degree from Harvard Business School.

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BOSOM FRIEND

The Webster Dictionary’s definition of “bosom friend” is “intimate or confidential friend.”

The Oxford English Dictionary’s definition is “A very close or intimate friend.”

The Cambridge English Dictionary’s definition is “a friend that you like a lot and have a very close relationship with.”

The Urban Dictionary defines the term as “An intimate friend; a really kindred spirit to whom you can confide your inmost soul. Very hard to find.”

I like the last one.

An English-Chinese Dictionary would usually translate it as “知心朋友” (zhī xīn péng yǒu), which back translates literally as “a friend who knows your heart.”

Just as in English, where there is more than one way to describe  a bosom friend, e.g. “kindred spirit”, or “soul mate”, etc., in Chinese there are also several terms that express the same meaning as “知心朋友”.

“知心朋友” is an expression used in spoken (vernacular) Chinese. In classical Chinese, the Chinese used in ancient times for written works, expressions were abbreviated to their bare minimum, because paper hadn’t been invented, written works had to be carved on bamboo slips. That means a lot of carving and a lot of bamboo, plus the space to store these works. The classical Chinese phrase for “知心朋友” would become “知友” (zhī yǒu), omitting the two middle characters; “知交” （zhī jiāo）, replacing “友” (friend) with “交” (association, relationship); or “至交” (zhì jiāo), replacing “知” (know) with “至” (extreme, utmost), note the same spelling of “知” and “至”, but different intonation).

There is another, I think, more elegant expression in classical Chinese for describing a special friendship — “知音” （zhī yīn）, a friend appreciative of one’s music.

And there’s a story behind it. This happened during the Spring and Autumn Period (770-476 B.C.E.). Yú Bóyá (俞伯牙), a qín (ancient Chinese zither) player, was playing his instrument. Zhōng Zǐqī (鍾子期), a woodcutter returning from work, heard Boya playing, and remarked that Boya’s tune was “lofty as the towering mountains”. Then Boya changed his tune, and Ziqi remarked that his music was “magnificent as the flowing waters.” Whatever Boya played, Ziqi would grasp the former’s feelings. They became “知音” （zhī yīn） (a friend appreciative of one’s music). When Ziqi died, Boya felt that no one else could understand his music, so he broke his qin and cut the strings, and never played again. Thus the term zhi yin has been carried forward till this day.

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Billy’s Comments: Harry is my cousin-in-law , married to my cousin Yihua Li. He is one of the most interesting persons to talk to – full of passion and has deep knowledge in both Eastern and Western Cultures.

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Louis Chan is one of the most loyal FF Fraternity Brothers that I hold dearly. Louis and Ivy are residents in the beautiful city of San Francisco.  They have been married for 43 happy years, and have a son and a daughter.  Now retired, their days are filled with volunteer work, and reading up on history and literature. They also have a passion for traveling, a curiosity to learn about other places, and enjoy immersing in different ways of life. But most significantly they consciously try to extend, expand, and nurture FF Friendship and Bonding whenever possible – taking advantage of special locations on unique occasions.

In 1984 he traveled to HongKong to attend a FF Reunion where he reunited with manyformer Montreal FF Brothers. Bro. Louis graduated from McGill University in Montreal.

In 1992, Louis visited Bro. Billy Lee and Sister Lucille in Rome, Italy. A special memory was touring the Vatican with Sister Lucille and actually saw The Pope – John Paul II.

In 2009, they visited Istanbul, Turkey, and met up with Bro. Bill Chen and Sister Sandra.Bro. Bill treated them to a sumptuous dinner at the festive Taksim Square.

In 2014, they traveled to Shanghai to celebrate the establishment of FF’s Shanghai Lodge. They participated in a post FF Reunion tour, saw Bro. I.M.Pei-designed museum in  Suzhou, and the famous Leifeng Tower in Hangzhou.

In November 2015, they made a trip to India, with Sister Ancilla Kwok and her friend, Rosemarie Chung. Highlights were the Taj Mahai Jama Masjid Mosque, in Delhi, and the Amber Fort in Jaipur and the magnificent Temple of Khajuraho.

New Years Eve 2017, FF Reunion in HongHong again. A Post Reunion tour of Guangzhou was enjoyed together with a number of Brothers, Sisters, and Friends, including Bros. Audie Chang from S.F. and Patrick Yau from NYC. A boat ride along Pearl River was most memorable. BTW, they visited Aiqun Hotel, the tallest Building in 1937 – designed by Louis’ uncle Wing Chan, also a FF Brother 1929.

April 2018, a stop over in Shanghai again and met up with the young but dynamic FF Shanghai Lodge. Visited Hangzhou again and met up with Bro. David Guo and Sister Lan. The Guos showed them Nine Creeks Smoke Trees and the famous Long Jing Tea Center.

November 2019, last day in Chengdu, they learned from Bro. Billy’s email that Bro. Mike Shiu and Sister Jean lived there. Immediately contact was made and they had a wonderful get together.

Later that year 2019, they visited Tianjin and FF Founding Bro. Wellington Koo’s Home at 267 Hebei Road in the historic “ 5 Great Avenue District : built in 1927. That was an incredible FF Moment for Louis, indeed.

I learn from Louis that in a Fraternity or Friendship organization, the more one reaches out to the other members and share positive experiences together the deeper and more meaningful bonding one receives in return. Traveling has made Louis a much more interesting conversationist, and history when made relevant adds magic to realization. Also, photography really helps in recording happy moments and telling good stories.

Below are a few of Bro.Louis’ photos:

Top:  FF.Group in front of Leifeng Tower, Hangzhou – Louis with Billy in Rome, Italy – Louis with Bill and Sandra Chen in Istanbul

Middle: Louis at Bro. Wellington Koo’s Tianjin home – Cruise on the Pearl River, Guangzhou – Louis and Ivy with Mike and Jean Shiu, in Chengdu

Bottom: One of Brother Louis and Sister Ivy’s favorite photos in Europe

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As an Architect, I learned from I.M.Pei that Design Concept provides theUnderlying Spirit, but as Mies said “ God (or Beauty) is in the Details ( HOW it is actually constructed or articulated ).  An article In N.Y.Times’, Smarter Living section by Anna Goldfarb, wrote about “How to Reach Out to A Friend Who Is Having a Difficult Time”. With advice from esteemed psychologists and psychiatrists, she wrote about HOW to choose the right time and moment to capture the best effects, HOW to cultivate the right atmosphere and mind-set so that the Friend will feel comfortable opening up, and what words and tunes to employ to achieve some success.

There is lots of truth and wisdom here.

I Believe…
That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe…
That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe….
That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe….
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe….
That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe…
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe….
That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe….
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe…
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe…
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe….
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time

I Believe….
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be
the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe…
That sometimes when I’m angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe….
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, what you’ve learned from them and less to do with  how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe…..
That it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe…
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe….
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe….
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe…
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe…
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you –
you will find the strength to help.

I Believe…
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe…
That you should send this to all of the people who you believe in, I just did.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have.

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Rick Chong is currently an independent financial consultant working in San Francisco.  Over the past 20 years, Rick has been active in the Silicon Valley venture capital business, first as a General Partner of Sycamore Ventures and later as a Director of Pac-Link Ventures.  He was formerly CFO of JL McGregor & Co. LLC, a start-up investment bank focused on investment s in China.  He served for several years as CFO of Amber Kinetics, a utility grade energy storage company based in Silicon Valley & the Philippines.  

Rick is the Chairman Emeritus of the California Asia Business Council, a member of the Board of Trustees of the World Affairs Council, and past Treasurer of the Katherine Delmar Burke School in San Francisco.  He has also served as Chairman, President and a member of the Board of Directors for the 1990 Institute.  He has guest lectured at Stanford University, University of California Davis and University of San Francisco.   Rick received both his M.B.A. and undergraduate degrees from Stanford University.  He has been married to Beverly Chong for 37 years, and together with her has proudly raised two wonderful daughters, Alyssa and Stephanie.   They have lived in Taiwan, the Philippines, Malaysia, and San Francisco together.  

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I was born & raised in the United States.  Identifying as nothing but middle American, I still recall the first time that my parents moved our family to Asia and how much I didn’t want to be there.  Even after living in Taiwan & Hong Kong for a total of 6 years before my senior year of high school, I still couldn’t speak Mandarin or Taiwanese, ate mostly American food, and hung around with the other students from the United States. 

Finally, on my father’s third assignment to Taiwan, he had enough of living in Tien Mou, which had become the ghetto for the American military back in the 70’s.  For the duration of my senior year of high school, he instead chose to have our family move to downtown Taipei where it was no longer possible to live in the American expatriate bubble.  Eager to continue to play basketball, I soon learned that there was an unsanctioned outdoor high school pickup game at the hospital nearby our downtown Taipei home.  Everyday after taking the bus home from school, I would climb over the wall and join other teenage boys playing basketball.  The only issue was that none of them knew how to speak English and I couldn’t speak Chinese, so it wasn’t easy making friends.  Still, there was one teenager who consistently reached out to me.  His name was Su Chung-Hwei.  Since he couldn’t speak much English, I just called him “Su”.  My siblings & parents loved getting to know a boy named Su. 

Many times, after basketball, Su would take me out to eat & drink at the local food stalls and show me what it was like to be a teenage boy running around Taipei.  He taught me how to cuss & swear in Mandarin, and I reciprocated by teaching him how to cuss & swear in English.  We soon became inseparable even though we couldn’t discuss much except short phrases about basketball, food & electronics.    

After that year in downtown Taipei, I went off to attend Stanford University as a freshman.  Each summer, I would return to spend time with my family back in Taipei and always looked up Su.  His English continued to improve, my Mandarin got better, and we started to hold dance parties together, swim at the local club, run around Taipei electronics stores and always manage to find pickup basketball games.  Our friendship deepened as our mutual language skills improved.  We shared in each other’s highs & lows.  I watched Su get into National Taiwan University and then get drafted into the Taiwanese military. 

Eventually, Su did come to the U.S. and today runs his own very successful garment importing business in Los Angeles.  He took the English name “Daniel” but I remain one of the few people who still call him Su.  I consider Su one of my oldest and dearest friends.  I don’t get much chance to see him in person these days with him living in  Southern California raising his family, and my family being up here in Northern California, but when we have the chance once or twice a year, it’s just like blasting into the past and re-living our youth. 

I’ve learned that friendship is really a result of acceptance – appreciating differences and finding mutual passions.  Su & I communicated in our odd language born of sports, movies, and chasing girls.  Over the years, Su would become fluent in English, and I would become fluent in Mandarin which has allowed us to deepen our friendship, but it was the initial acceptance by Su of a foreign kid on his basketball court that opened the door to a lifelong friendship.

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His note to Billy on July 22 :

Hi Billy,

How have you been? Tennis? Hoping all is well in the Lee family. 
I was thinking about “Making Friends” the other day and thought of the below. As you well know, in the age of Covid 19, making new friends will be a bit more challenging. You may add this to your website if you like. 
Be safe, Phil

”My Friend”
Because of our past, we are friends. Maybe it was the hobbies and interests that bonds us. It could be the weakness within us that we seek in each other’s strengths. Us, thinking alike and often finishing each other’s lines conjures familiarity. We can always count on each other. The color of your skin is unlike mine brought curiosity or of the same, brought commonality. We got each other’s backs. We never surprise each other, we expected it. We are a brother/sister from a different mother. We shared each other’s joys and sorrows. Our opinions are understood never to hurt but to be helpful. Yes, it is all of the before mentioned that made us friends. Thank-you for giving me permission. It was that very act that spawn our’s and all friendships. 
“Every day is unique and special”.

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During the Warring States Period in ancient China, there was a man named Boya Yu who played the Qin (a kind of string instrument in China) very well.

One day when he was playing the Qin in a remote forest, a woodcutter named Ziqi Zhong came by. Boya used music to express his thoughts on climbing mountains. Ziqi would chime in and suggest,” As lofty as Mount Tai “.

Boya used his music again to express the running water. Ziqi complemented: “What a mighty river it is !” What Boya placed in music, Ziqi always responded with powerful understanding. Thus the two became bosom friends.

Later, when Ziqi died, Boya lost his bosom friend and was extremely sad, he threw his Qin away and vowed never to play again.

From this historical story, a special term “知音（zhi-yin)” in Chinese is thus created, which could be translated as “recognizing your music, inner feelings and potential impacts.”

This term “high mountain-running water” in Chinese is often used today to suggest the rare fortune of having friends who can really appreciate your passion, recognize your talents and endeavors, and further encourage and inspire you to reach a higher level.

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Billy’s Comments: Prof. Wang Lili was the first Vice President of Ningbo University and an esteemed Material Scientist in China. He was responsible for getting me back to teach Architecture at Ningb U. in 1991. He is certainly one of my most admired, respected, and loved cousins – we are related as his maternal grandmother was the youngest sister of my paternal grandfather. I requested that he write something for my Friendship & Friendshipology Website, and within a week I received his response:

“Dear Ming Sing, It’s quite difficult for me to write a story about ancient Chinese Friendship in English as you requested. I tried my best due to the deep Friendship between you and me. I wrote a story here about “High Mountains and Running Water “Please see the attachment. I hope you like it. Cheers, Lili”

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A BRIEF VITA FOR LILI WANG

Wang Lili (Lili WANG, Lilih WANG), male, born in 1934, the Professor and Honorary Director of the Mechanics and Materials Science Research Centre at Ningbo University in China. Since 1956, he has worked in Institute of Mechanics, Chinese Academy of Sciences; Institute of Chemical Machinery; University of Science and Technology of China. In 1985 he participated in the founding of Ningbo University and served as vice President. He was the Chairman of the Explosion Mechanics Committee of CSTAM, and has been the Chairman or Co-Chairman of several international conferences.

His research interests are stress-wave propagation, dynamic response of materials and structures, rate-dependent constitutive relation of materials under high strain rates, dynamic fracture, adiabatic shear localization, damage mechanics and impact engineering. To this subject, he has contributed immensely, with more than 300 papers. His books entitled “Foundations of Stress Waves” and entitled “Dynamics of Materials” are widely used in China as textbooks for graduated students since 1980s and the corresponding English editions have been published by Elsevier.

Over the past 60 years, he cultivated a number of outstanding students (including academicians in China) engaged in this field.

His scientific research achievements have won the National Science and Technology Conference Award, The Gansu Province Science and Technology Achievement Award, the Zhejiang Province science and technology Award, the Ministry of Education natural science first prize. In 2013, he won the Second Prize of National Natural Science (the first prize is vacant).

Billy’s Comment : Indeed, Prof. Wang’s ideas apply to Building Friendship Globally – Person to Person, People to People, as well as Country to Country.

Perceptions and relations between America and China have gone through good times and bad, depending on the geopolitical barometers. In 2001, the US intelligence plane intruded into China’s air space and got intercepted and forced down by a Chinese plane, aggravating mutual tension and sable rattling. Since then, America’s strategic pivot to the Asian-Pacific regions, the ongoing trade war, the conflict over the South China Sea and Hong Kong, and the Covid-19 crisis are now fueling the tension to a boiling point. But a moment’s reflection should quiet the horrible drumbeat: the US and China are inextricably interdependent and interconnected. All the existential anxiety about mutual threat and zero-sum game cannot diminish the prospect of the intertwined fate of the twin in the same boat. You do not have to look further than Stanford to realize how much mutual learning and joint ventures are going on between the two countries. China and US. are involved in deep partnership in many areas: economy, trade, technology, health care, supply chain, the environment, etc. A strike at the other means shooting at one’s own feet.

The destiny of America has intertwined with that of China—a record of curiosity, sympathy, and understanding. America came into being, they say, because Christophe Columbus discovered America. Actually, it was the search for sea routes to China that the explorer stumbled on the new world. At his death Columbus still believed that the American continent was Asia. An American minister wrote 400 years ago, “We people of America may be said to owe to China the discovery of our continent. I often advise my students, you come to Stanford not just to learn computer science and to embark on a tech project. You come here to build bridges between Chinese and American people.  One of the most effective ways is cultural and intellectual exchange and learning from each other. Students and scholars are in a good position to carry out and fulfill that noble mission. If the governments of two countries often face off in confrontation, the people of two countries have always sympathize, connect, and befriend each other.  

Sino-US cultural exchanges date back to the dawn of modern China. In 1901, Lin Shu, a well-known writer, translated Harriet Beecher Stowe’s novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin and commented on the tragic fate of black slaves that paralleled Chinese subjugation under colonialism. Titled 黑奴吁天录 (black slaves’ outcry for justice from Heaven), the translation invests the American novel with a classical Chinese call for Heavenly justice.  Uncle Tom’s Cabin was adapted to a spoken drama by an overseas Chinese student group in Japan, headed by Li Shutong. In the Lu Xun Academy in Yan’an during the revolutionary years, George Washington, Mark Twain, Walt Whitman and many other Americans were admired as heroes for building a democratic nation and modern culture. Some American even joined the ranks of Chinese fighters in the War of Resistance against Japanese invasion.  In the 1960s, Chinese support of the Third World movement resonated with America’s civil rights movement, and the Martin Luther King assassination in 1968 sparked huge street demonstrations for days in Chinese streets against racism. Reading King’s “I Have a Dream” and reciting Lincoln’s Gettysburg speech were a routine practice for English learners in China. The Chinese leadership and people understood very well what the multi-ethnic, civil rights groups in America were fighting for: minority rights, human rights, the call to end the Vietnam War, and demands for social, gender, and racial equality.

By the time Nixon visited China and the Sino-US diplomatic normalization in 1972, many Chinese began to study English the way they had studied Chairman Mao’s little red books. National and provincial radio stations broadcast English lessons day and night. I learned my first English lessons mostly by listening to Voice of America. Based on a very popular English conversation primer English 900, the lessons were broadcast from VOA’s station in Hong Kong, usually in the midnight.  At the risk of being accused of listening to the “enemy” radio, I got up in the dark of night, wrapped myself up with a quilt, and listened to the lessons, almost suffocating inside. There was no headphone at that time.

By the time Nixon visited China and the Sino-US diplomatic normalization in 1972, many Chinese began to study English the way they had studied Chairman Mao’s little red books. National and provincial radio stations broadcast English lessons day and night. I learned my first English lessons mostly by listening to Voice of America. Based on a very popular English conversation primer English 900, the lessons were broadcast from VOA’s station in Hong Kong, usually in the midnight.  At the risk of being accused of listening to the “enemy” radio, I got up in the dark of night, wrapped myself up with a quilt, and listened to the lessons, almost suffocating inside. There was no headphone at that time.

In my undergraduate years in Beijing Foreign Language Institute in the 1980s, things American swept through colleges and society. The English Department, the largest of all, was nicknamed “British Empire” for its capacity of the winner in sports, theater activity and other contests. But few English majors liked the Oxford or Queen English taught by British teachers. Instead, most students would favor American teachers, listen and imitate the accent of VOA. Everybody tried to sound like the Yankees.  It was China’s honeymoon with America, which was an image for young people to dream and to strive for.

But America was also marred with flaws unworthy of the democratic principles. The TV series Roots, a saga of the slave trade, Africans’ journey to America, and racial exploitation and oppression in plantations, left a deep impression on me. That did not stop us from admiring America’s “power.” Watching the movie Rambo: The First Blood, we all became big fans of the macho hero played by Sylvester Stallone. But Prof. David Crook, a Canadian anthropologist and “foreign expert,” came out and put up a small poster on our classroom building to dissuade us from this deplorable mindset. We were being poisoned by imperialist ideology, he protested. Professor Cook urged us to be critical of the film, which was a propaganda of American military action in Vietnam and colonial conquest.

After graduation in the mid-1980s, most of my classmates chose to come to America to study or work. Those early birds were the envy of all. 

Since then, America has presented a mixed image to the Chinese people.  China, on the other hand, also has also been cast in mixed images: it is either a monstrous capitalist juggernaut or an evil Communist power. Recently the Cold War narrative of China and US. Is being updated, fueling the conflict and misperception. Academic area studies during the Cold War targeted specific geographical areas of strategic relevance to the US, presuming an authoritarian rule behind the iron curtain. This approach says, here we had democracy; over there was totalitarianism. This rigid divide blocks mutual understanding and communication and mystified people about the values and goals shared by all Chinese and Americans; it leaves people mystified as to why Chinese have long loved for Martin Luther King and held up so many Americans as champions of democracy and as icons for China.

Today, what fatally obstructs mutual understanding, sympathy, and communication is the myth of the absolute difference that divides America and China and places them in different universes. The myth declares that two countries have entirely different cultures and systems, that the difference is so huge that the two countries cannot co-exist under one eaHeaven and on planet Earth. This is a lie. The history of China-American cultural and intellectual exchange has constantly proven it to be a lie. People of both countries have always been able to understand and sympathize with each other and share certain values–as human beings and even in their distinct identity as Chinese and American. The Chinese revolutionaries admired George Washington, Martin Luther King; Chinese citizens applauded and supported America’s civil rights movement and anti-racialist movement. Chinese English learners love and appreciate a vast array of American writers, Hollywood and pop songs. Chinese consumers love myriad things American from Apple I-phone to cars. So, what is the real difference?

For people trapped in the myth, China’s lockdown and ubiquitous masks in response to the Covid-19 reflects its deeply entrenched “cultural difference” rooted in totalitarianism and conformism, which are unacceptable to freedom loving Americans. This irrational obsession with “cultural difference” is destroying the fabric of the global community and leading to more disasters and hatred, until people realize that lockdown and masks are not about Chinese culture or the American way of life. These public health measures are human and universal; they reach into a deeper and ancient core of human civilization that transcends the so-called cultural, national or political differences. It is a human civilization rooted in moral empathy, obligation, and care for your own safety and the safety of your neighbors.

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Ban Wang is William Haas Professor in Chinese Studies in East Asian Languages and Cultures and Comparative Literature at Stanford University. His major publications include The Sublime Figure of History (1997), Illuminations from the Past (2004), History and Memory (Lish yu jiyi) (2004) and China in the World: Culture, Politics, and World Vision(forthcoming 2021). He has edited 8 books on Chinese film, memory studies, Chinese studies in the US, the Chinese Revolution, socialism, and the New Left, including Chinese Visions of World Order: Tianxia, Culture and World Politics (2017). He has taught at SUNY-Stony Brook, Harvard, Rutgers, East China Normal University, Yonsei, and Seoul National University.

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Friendship… It sounds like a lifelong quest for all of us regardless of whether you want just one true friend or you are just interested in getting connected with as many people as you can. For me, yes, it is also my wish to find some true friends throughout my lifetime but when it comes to friendship, I cannot put aside a particular situation given to me – twins. I was born as an identical twin, so wherever I was, I would always be with my twin brother. We had nothing to hide and even when either of us had a girlfriend, we would spend time together with her as if we were triplets! In my childhood, my parents often yelled, “Don’t stay in your own world! Get down here and talk to us!” When I was in my teens, my twin brother and I were given ‘our’ own room on the second floor of our parents’ house, so as soon as we got back from school or we finished our dinner, we would go upstairs and close the door of our room.

(A scene from my childhood, Kawasaki, Japan) – Hiro at right

We were so happy that we didn’t want anything but ‘our world’ that was taken for granted. Even each of us didn’t think deeply about to figure out what it really meant to us. But, perhaps, it could be thought of as an ultimate form of love and friendship that would be pursued by generations to come! I am so thankful for God to give my twin brother and me the greatest gift to sense and touch what love or friendship is all about beyond any social and biological boundaries. On the flip side of it, however, one problem came up to us: How might we get away from our comfort zone, or ‘our world,’ and leverage and apply what we have sensed, touched and learned through our ‘twin’ world into another real world of human society? This genuine question together with my relevant life experiences shaped my passion to make this real world a better place and commit myself to the wellbeing of next generations through friendships and things I love.

It was Dad’s death that made me realize something I really lost that made me feel loved and valued (from Dad). That vacuum forced me to find out an alternate to fill it – friends. My father once said, “Remember, one day, parents will die, normally earlier than you. Then, who’s gonna support you and make your life sweeter, later? Not your brothers but friends. True friends! Hiro, are you confident enough to say that you feel happy now? Is your current work what you really want to do throughout your life?” It made much sense to me not just because he was a successful business man as a Global Executive Vice President of Toyota but also because I have heard a lot about how much he had put others’ needs before his own and cared about and for others. His relationship with others always started off as friendship.

A year later since he passed away, I ended up quitting my high-paying consulting job and, while staying connected with my friends and exploring new friendships, I followed my authentic path to become who I want to be, as a co-creator in education innovation.

(At the opening ceremony for SEELS, Tokyo, Japan)

It was along the way when I met Billy – that was in June 2015. I was invited as an awardee, together with the co-awardee, Mr. Frank Furtan, then President of the Swatch Group (USA), to the 5th World Children’s Festival that took place at The Ellipse behind The White House. Billy was also invited as a guest speaker and came there on that date. Sure enough, this condition might seem insufficient for Billy and me to come across despite the fact that both of us were merely at the same place on the same day. We had a mutual friend, Chris, a British senior guy, and Chris kindly asked if I had any time to meet up with him and Billy together for lunch. Then, we hit it off right away by sharing a common vision – to commit ourselves to making a positive impact on society. It was a natural way of making friends because of the nature of friendship, which is built upon trust and respect, first and foremost.

(After the ceremony of World Children’s Award 2015, Washington D.C.)

I must acknowledge, however, that some may argue that it is not called ‘friendship’ but ‘acquaintance.’ Yes, that argument would be justifiable if I merely bumped into Billy not through a trusted person like Chris, or our mutual friend, without any common values and thoughts. Rather, our meetup showcases the magic of friendship: A good friend always brings out the best in me and helps me expand my social circle as I wish! So, not surprisingly, Billy and I had stayed connected with each other since then, and a year and a half later, he kindly invited me to his house in Palo Alto and we made our friendship to the next level! (I met his wife, Lucille, as well, and we spent New Year’s Eve together, wishing us a wonderful new year 2017 full of laughter, health and happiness!)

(At Billy’s house on the New Year’s Day, Palo Alto, CA)

That is why I am writing this to him and his fellows. Such reciprocity in friendship represents how my life has been shaped, and you can easily grasp it if you trace the thread of my friendship. Let me run the clock backward, quickly, from the time when I met Billy for the first time. First, why was Chris there at the venue of the World Children’s Festival? Because I let him know that I was invited to the Festival. Okay, then, why was I invited? Because the host, International Child Art Foundation, awarded me the World Children’s Award 2015. Why so? Because they thought my Foundation (Akira Foundation) deserved the award after recognizing my Foundation’s activities to promote social innovation and support and engage youth as leaders of social change in Japan and beyond. Then, what activities made ICAF believe that Akira Foundation would deserve the award? The following two outstanding activities – TOMODACHI U.S.-Japan Youth Exchange Program and SEELS, or Social Enterprise English Language School led by Filipino migrant women in Japan. To make the long stories short, these two projects were brought to life through new friendships. For the TOMODACHI Program, one Director of American Councils for International Education approached my co-founder (my twin brother!) of the Foundation through LinkedIn. For the SEELS, Cesar Santoyo, who then had worked on supporting Filipino migrants across Japan and helping them improve the quality of their lives, approached me by email just right after the massive earthquake and tsunami hit northeastern Japan in March 2011. Then, how did Cesar know me before sending an email to me? Actually, he was an attendee at an international conference where Akira Foundation was an institutional partner and my name was listed as a guest speaker in the brochure. As with the meet-up between Billy and me, we hit it off immediately when we met up in person, and it turned out that Cesar and I founded the new social enterprise together to create jobs for Filipino migrants women who used to have no choice but to work as hostesses at a night club or pub.

(With CLS Directors worldwide at the head office of American Councils, Washington, D.C.)

So, the question may arise like this: Why did Chris, a Director of American Councils, and Cesar trust us? Maybe, Akira Foundation’s activities and track record, for sure. Yet, it is not good enough. Friends and friendship – they endorse me for what I have done, and the halo effect of trust has been accumulated through friendships and brought me closer to who I want to be, over time.

Four years have already passed by since I closed my Foundation as time-bound. I am currently an external advisor in international relations at a national university in Japan and help them explore international opportunities. And still working with American Councils to develop and implement another national program called the Critical Language Scholarship Japan Program that is sponsored by the U.S. Department of State. Meanwhile, I decided to go back to school and pursue a doctoral degree (Ed.D. in Penn Chief Learning Officer) at the University of Pennsylvania. Anyway, no matter where I am and what I do, I stay connected emotionally with my friends even while staying away from them, socially and physically amid the COVID-19 pandemic. No doubt that friends enrich my life and the world around us, and make me get through the complex world much easier than it would otherwise be. It sounds like I were still in another parochial world with my twin brother because I feel so happy and alive!

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Hiro – Hirofumi Yokoi (横井博文), Japan

Hirofumi is an external advisor in international relations at the Institute of Global Human Resource Development (GHRD) at Okayama University, Japan. He supports the University’s international activities, as well as promoting and enhancing a culture of global engagement across and beyond the campus.

Until recently, Hirofumi was a professor at GHRD at Okayama University and an institute director of Critical Language Scholarship (CLS) Program sponsored by the U.S. Department of State. Prior to the position at the University, Hirofumi had led Akira Foundation since its inception in 2009 and kept front and top of mind its vision and mission, “Social Bridge Between Japan and Global Village,” for seven years.

Hirofumi had taken several advisory roles in national and international organizations including as a strategic partner for the UN-led World Summit on Innovation & Entrepreneurship (theWSIE) and a country director in Japan for the TOMODACHI U.S.-Japan Youth Exchange Program at American Councils for International Educations. Hirofumi was also a project assistant professor in the Global Leadership Program (GLP) at The University of Tokyo (2013-2015).

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