A PERFECT GIRLFRIEND

by Flavian Mwasi- Social Philosopher – Life Coach . Billy Wonders:  What Makes A PERFECT BOYFRIEND ?

She inspires you to reach your true potential and to achieve greater things without being too demanding about it. She won’t force you to pursue the things you should because she trusts you enough to know that you’ll take the right decisions.

She doesn’t play childish games or make attempts to get you jealous. She doesn’t have any insecurities about her relationship. She knows what she is worth and she doesn’t feel the need to keep proving it to you or to herself.

She doesn’t act like the whole world revolves around her. She wants love and respect from you and she is willing to offer you the same. She won’t expect you to suppress your own desires just to keep her happy all the time.

She doesn’t need you to be present in her life 24/7. She understands that you’re both two independent individuals who have a life outside of this relationship as well. You both give each other ample space and time to invest in your friends, family, and career.

You’ve never felt anxious about taking her to meet any of your friends or even your parents for that matter. You’re aware that she can carry herself well and interact with all kinds of people. She’s wise enough to know what topics to discuss with your parents and when she’s with your friends she can let loose and enjoy a good time.

She knows how to take care of herself. She never wanted a relationship just so she could depend on someone for all kinds of physical, financial, and emotional support. No, she was in this to enjoy your company as an equal, to split all the bills, and to make sure that one person in the relationship isn’t being overburdened.

Her social media presence is not something that she’ll never need to hide or be embarrassed about. She knows how to present herself in front of people, whether it’s in person, or on a computer screen.

She is never shy in the bedroom. If there’s something that she doesn’t or does want to do she’ll come right out and say it. She’ll even explain her reasons for it, instead of just getting awkward. She doesn’t act like your intimacy is something to be hidden, and never talked about. She’s mature enough to accept it as a completely normal and healthy part of your relationship, the part that actually keeps the spark alive between the two of you.

She has strong opinions on almost every topic, and she’ll never shy down from expressing them just to avoid arguments or to keep everyone happy. But this doesn’t mean that she’ll ever impose those opinions on you or anyone else. She is open to discussions, and any disagreement you have won’t turn into a raging battle.

If you have a fight or an argument, she will try to end it, by stating stereotypes like “all men are the same”, or “you men can’t ever understand us”. She realizes that every situation is different, and you need to discuss the cause behind your fight, rather than trying to put each other down with generalized statements.

She is sure about her purpose in life. She has defined goals and benchmarks for herself, and they won’t get affected by any obstacles that come her way.

You feel like the luckiest guy in the world when you’re with her, because one thing you’re sure of is that someone as amazing as her wouldn’t just date any guy. She is a strong independent woman and she isn’t afraid of being alone. So, she must really like you if she has chosen to share her life with you.

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Words For Saying Sorry

Billy selected from Berlitz –  August 2022

I’m sorry.   I am truly sorry. I apologize.

Excuse me.  My mistake.

Ooops/Whoops, I really didn’t mean it.

Can you forgive me?

Can you pardon me?

I truly regret that it didn’t turn out right.

It’s my fault. I truly want to retract, and make amends.

My deepest apologies !

That was thoughtless of me. That was wrong of me.

I am sorry. That was my fault.

I am sorry for the way I behaved.

I had good intent, but I didn’t realize that it could hurt. I apologize.

Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I didn’t mean to ignore you.

Sorry, I really didn’t mean to offend or to hurt you.

Sorry, I won’t do it again. I wish I hadn’t done that.

How can I make it up to you ?

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Eight Keys To Forgiveness – greatergood.berkeley.edu.

  1. Know what forgiveness is and why it matters. Forgiveness is about goodness and extending mercy. Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on.
  2.  Become “forgivingly fit” – make it your second nature
  3.  Address your Inner Pain then forgive accordingly.
  4.  Develop a forgiving mind through empathy. Understand what      caused the other person to do what he or she did.
  5.  Find meaning in your pain. Get new inspirations to do good.
  6.  When forgiveness is hard, call upon others strength.
  7.  Forgive yourself. Seek forgiveness from others for your errors.
  8.  Develop a forgiving heart.

Words in Sympathy

Billy selected from Google.com August, 2022

I know there are no words that can ease your pain

Thinking of you during this difficult time

Get well soon!  You can do it !

We love you and we’re here for you.

Don’t panic – “putting additional negativity into chaos”. Staying calm will help you stay focused on future success.

So Sorry about your Loss. How can I help ?

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Words to Encourage

Billy Selected From <amazon.com> August, 2022

You are a Good Friend.

You are close in My Thoughts.

You are Special.

You are strong.

You are kind and generous.

You are Courageous.

You are a Fighter.

You are Amazing.

You make the difference.

You are Braver than you believe.

             Stronger than you seem,

             Smarter than you think, and

             Loved more than you know.

Remember the moments of our shared laughter.

Let it Go.
Ignore Them.
Don’t Compare.
Stay Calm
Give it Time
Smile

Believe in Yourself
Stay Strong
Never Give Up
Be Grateful
Work Hard
Stay Humble
Be Kind
Keep Smiling

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Meaning of Yi (義) by John KC Liu– May 2022                                

A while ago Billy asked me to write about Yi (義) and Yi Chi (義氣).  I said I would try, and this assignment has been on my mind. Apologies for taking a long time to respond. Let me put down what comes to mind even though a lot of its deeper meanings are above my level.

Let me start with an everyday example of a voluntary act of reaching out to another person.  In this case, a passerby saw that I was looking for something and she stopped to ask me what I was looking for. I had accidentally dropped my glasses and she must have thought that I was helpless without my glasses. Without any hesitation, she started looking around trying to cover all possible locations where I might have dropped them.  After about fifteen minutes she was not successful and said sorry to me and went on her way. But just a minute or two later she came back and said that there was one more possible place she had not checked and she was going to look again. Well, this time she came back with a big smile holding my glasses. Before I could say ‘thank you’ and ask her name, she just waved and disappeared into the crowd. The whole episode happened in a natural and matter-of-fact way, without any fuzz or anxiety. The way she handled the situation had a sense of simplicity and beauty.

I would consider this as a kind of impersonal but universal act of Yi. It’s impersonal since we are strangers to each other, but it’s universal because it happens everyday, everywhere, all the time. Each of us are in touch with thousands of such examples of selfless giving and mutual help. In the U.S. during the sixties when I was in college, there was a popular saying “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty”. In ancient China, Confucius teachings assigned the concept Yi to this fundamental human impulse towards others as duty to do the right thing. Not to do the wrong thing, or not to harm others, is part of this human impulse.  Of course another important Confucian concept of Ren (仁), meaning kindness and benevolence, is closely related to Yi. So Ren and Yi are one of the basic building blocks of humans as social beings.

On another level, among colleagues, family, and friends, the practice of Yi takes on additional meanings beyond just doing a kind deed. There is a sense of honor, loyalty and commitment that comes with belonging. By being a member of a family, a group, an association, or even a political party, one has the duty and the responsibility to serve the needs of that group, most often unconditionally. In Chinese we refer to a volunteer as Yi Gong (義工), an YI worker. Here I think the term YI Chi (義氣) is most often applied.  An example in the work place is when a colleague is overworked and is facing a deadline. You decide to help finish the task at hand, foregoing, perhaps a family dinner. Chi is inner energy, so Yi Chi is the act of honoring a commitment to an organization or to those that you have an affiliation with. 

Likewise with an old friend, in this case when I recently asked Billy to support a project of mine, Billy committed his support without any hesitation.  An important part of this Yi Chi is mutual trust. Trust requires cultivation, but interestingly it needs not necessarily be physically close; trust may grow across space and time. For example last year I got in touch with my grade school classmates after more than sixty years. It was quite a reunion and after they heard about my project, my desk mate in fifth grade just volunteered to help me promote it. Another facet of the practice of Yi Chi is that it is not tied to the notion of fair exchange. One does not practice Yi expecting something in return, nor does one calculate the costs and benefits of the act. The act itself has its own intrinsic value independent of return and rewards. 

At an even larger scale of the community and the nation, Yi is often practiced by pledging to work together on selected social causes. An example is our Building and Planning Research Foundation at the National Taiwan University.  When we started, we had committed ourselves to applying our professional planning and design skills to solving social problems such as public housing for the needy, rural community development, and infrastructure planning for native communities. Many of our team members have pledged their professional lives to working for social justice. Such social commitment have earned us trust from the communities we serve, and likewise we have developed trust in them to do the best they can to better themselves. The operating human value at work here is the mutual practice of Yi between the professional and the local community.  Of course, examples abound and each of us can think of many examples at this scale.

At an even larger scale, addressing the whole of a culture in a particular place and time, we also find forms of associations based on Yi, such as political parties formed to promote specific social goals, and various civic and philanthropic associations engaged in achieving certain social values. An historical example in ancient China is the well known story called “ Oath of brotherhood in the Peach Garden” (桃园三结义) which appears at the beginning of the novel Romance of Three Kingdoms (三国演).  Here the term Yi , referring to duty, loyalty, honor, allegiance , is at the center of the story in forming political and military alliances to achieve perceived social goals. In more recent history, the republican revolution led by Dr. Sun Yat Sen was very much a voluntary movement based on shared ideals of a just and modern society. Here Yi takes on a more direct and radical commitment of both soul and body. My grandfather was a member of the revolutionary league the Tong Meng Hui (同盟会), though he was not one of the famous 72 martyrs who gave their lives to the revolution.  During WWII, in the fight against Japanese aggression of China, many Taiwanese volunteers joined the fight on Mainland China. General Li You-bang (李友邦) led a Taiwan voluntary army (台湾義勇军) to fight along side with the Chinese army against the Japanese. So at the national level, the practice of Yi  is an essential motivating force to seek a better world.

At these different scales, Yi plays a critical role in connecting a person to others, a person to a community, and a person to a larger cause.  For me, among these and many other ways of practicing Yi, there is a very important element of “empathy” that seems to be always present. Empathy, I think, is a capacity to step outside oneself and to see the world from another’s point of view. Likewise, it is also a communicative tool to motivate different peoples to see each other and to respect the culture and values of others. At the very base of being humans, we have the obligation, the Yi, to respect and love each other. Here, I think Mo-tsu (墨子) a century after Confucius and one of the key ancient sages, gave Yi a adjunctive meaning  in his “universal love, practice no harm” (兼爱无攻) dictum, which I think is very much in need during these turbulent times of 2022.

OLD FRIENDS:  Lucille Lee, Shirley Liu, John Liu and Billy Lee

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A Friend Offered Me Five Rules in Trying to Convince or Persuade A Reluctant Listener.

The following Rules apply across all cultures .   OBT, James

Rule 1: Never directly challenge any statement made by the person you are trying to convince, educate, or opinion change. Such challenges set up mental defense mechanisms. Phrases such as “I hear you.” rather than “You are full of it.” tend to work better at getting people to eventually and actively listen to the truth. (Always remember that hearing is not listening; listening is not comprehending; seeing is not examining; touching is not feeling; tasting is not appreciating; learning is not understanding…and so forth.  Whether you are talking with an unruly child or a reluctant adult, it is useless to ask, “Are you listening to me?”  Of course they are listening…especially if you are shouting.  What they are not doing is comprehending or even trying to comprehend. Huge difference.

Rule 2:  Listen to what the person is saying, then ask questions seeking clarification.    You will acquire a long list of inconsistencies, holes, logically flawed beliefs. These

you will use later, either in the initial conversation or, if possible, in later conversations.

Rule 3:  Find out, beforehand if possible, what sources of information the person believes are reliable. Also, what sources of information the person believes are infallible (if any).  If you know what sources the person believes, then study those prior to the conversation.  If you do not, but rather discover what those sources are during the conversation, then ask to postpone further discussion until you have read the person’s trusted sources. This has several good effects, such as showing respect for the person’s opinions and sources (NOTE: “respect”, not “agreement”). More importantly, such knowledge will provide you with the keys to that person’s mental stockade.

Rule 4.  Having accomplished 1 through 3 above…Use the person’s own statements and sources against them in a casual, friendly manner. This frequently opens a slight crack in the mental armor that allows you access to the person’s shielded brain.  Once you have access, then you can gently insinuate simple, non-threatening thoughts and ideas that do not directly attack the person’s beliefs, but which rather causes that person to internally begin to question their beliefs.

Rule 5.  Don’t expect to convert anyone instantly…not during the first discussion nor any subsequent discussions with that person. Conversion of a fixed, inflexible mind must come from inside that mind. You must plant a seed inside that mind and water it, feed it, and let it grow all by itself.  Conversion takes time and patience.

Same Friend Offered Me A Beautiful Essay On “BE”

“BE” by James Luce

Life is a unidirectional path with lots of curves and bumps

Life is crowded road where you will encounter a lot of grumps

Yet it’s amazing what can happen when you say “Can I assist ?”

Holding out a helping hand is always better than an angry fist

Don’t be the Grinch, rather strive to be one of those Forrest Gumps

Be the kind of person that you’d want everyone to be

Be the kind of person who puts “Others” ahead of “Me”

Be the kind of person who is held in great respect

Be the kind of person who does not ignore or neglect

Be the kind of person who bounces babies on their knee

Be the kind of person who helps out another in a bind

Be the kind of person who’s of a gentle state of mind

Be the kind of person who lends his eyes to the blind

Be most of all and forever be a person who is kind.

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FRIENDSHIPOLOGY THRU MOVEMENT – Qi Gong & Tree Gong – In Unison w/ Nature – by Neil Norton – March 2022

NEIL NORTON  is a Certified Arborist since 2002 and holds a Masters Degrees in Business Administration and Latin American Studies from Tulane University. Neil is passionate and active around issues of tree conservation and education, both locally and nationally. He teaches Qigong and Taichi since 2008. Neil loves inspecting trees, and thoroughly enjoys his encounters with clients and their trees in all the hidden neighborhoods of Atlanta.

We find friends in many quarters, proximity, common interests, school, neighbors, and even on the internet. I often encounter new friends in movement. My friend Billy Lee has asked me to share my perspective on friendship and movement after demonstrating to him some Qi Gong. 

In Qi Gong, an ancient Chinese series of movements, we often discuss different types of learning, whether auditory, visual, and/or kinetic. Perhaps there are different ways of being friends. I know that becoming friendly with someone often has to do with a “feeling”. Love at first sight would be an extreme example. Often there is just something that intrigues you about the other, which could fall into the categories of types of learning. You might like the sound of someone or how they look. Alternatively, you might be repelled by someone on the same grounds. I found that my movement when not paying attention, which can appear quick and intense upsets dogs. I know because they bark at me. What does it mean to be kinetically drawn or repelled by someone?

So much of our language comes through our body. When we move together in unison there is a power and reinforcement that is shared without words. I have always considered myself a kinetic learner, it is a language that comes natural to me. While I have learned to adapt, words have always been a struggle. I enjoy my Qi Gong practice as it allows me to share with others through movement. Often in movement, I find I can be truer to myself and relate more genuinely than through words.

Movement also allows me to align myself with nature that combines both elements of me and nature as reflected in my body. For me, moving in sync with nature means slowing your breathing pattern and coordinating it with my mind and body through gentle movements. When we move with nature, our movement takes on a deeper meaning. Combine that with another person and it becomes reciprocal. Sometimes I practice what I jokingly call Tree Gong, a type of Qigong with a tree, where I slow my breath and stand like a tree, envisioning your exhalation of carbon dioxide and inhalation of oxygen, exactly inverse to what the tree is doing.

While movement most always starts internally, it is always expressed in an external fashion. Some types of movements are more accepted than others, for example tennis on a tennis court, or frisbee on a field, or dancing in a club. The ancient arts, like Tai Chi and Qi Gong, not only connect us with those of past, but it is also an excellent way to connect with those in our present. There have been several occasions when I attracted unwanted attention practicing Tai Chi in public.  So, finding a safe place to practice is important, unless you are trying to make a statement, but do not be surprised if the statement is misinterpreted or worse is threating to someone.

Many feel constricted by their ability to move, whether it is emotional or physical. Each of us has our own ways to move through gravity on Earth. We are nature, each one of us, so embrace a method and do not judge yourself, just breath and move. The next time you see a movement practice, whether dance, tai chi, qi gong, throwing the frisbee or playing ping pong, consider partaking. There is power in moving together and in unison with nature.

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Billy’s Comments :

Neil is one of my son, Gary’s very best friends. They grew up together in Ladera as neighbors and schoolmates when they were near ten years old.  I was an active participant in many of their sports activities. One year, Neil got injured and could not play baseball for quite a period. He and I got to know each other and became friends as we watched and cheered for his teammates and had many fun and interesting conversations.  Neil and family visited us earlier this year from Atlanta, Georgia.  I invited him to write for this Friendshipology Website.  Thanks, Neil, for adding “TREE GONG” in our vocabulary.

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BILLY’S UNDERSTANDING
OF “Yi Qi” LOYALTY

In Chinese Culture, ‘Yi Qi’ is possibly the most respected quality about Friendship. My esteemed friends, Dr. Stephen Lee, Prof. An, and James Luce have articulated beautifully what “Yi” (義) and“Yi Qi” (義氣) mean in https://friendshipology.net. I try to understand it in my personal life. Who among my friends would I consider indeed to have“Yi Qi” (義氣) ? Three persons stood out immediately.

My FF Fraternity Brother, Allan Chou, wanted to promote“Yi Qi” (義氣) in our
FF Fraternity. When he heard that I needed to have a souvenir designed with
suggestions “10 Do’s” and “10 Don’t’s” on “How To Promote Friendship”, he immediately offered to have 500 fans designed and made in Shanghai, and he personally brought them to my Portola Valley home near Stanford University in three super-size suite cases. He did all that while busy managing his business in China, as well as teaching at Fu Dan University’s Graduate School of Business. His “Gung Ho” spirit “Qi” (氣) and our “Righteous Cause, “Yi” (義) made him one of my most trusted and respected friend, indeed.

My cousin, Ming Cho Lee, a highly respected Professor at Yale School of Drama, was surely not a socially “Gung Ho” type person. Yet at one critical time, he demonstrated unusual and unexpected “Yi” (義) and“Yi Qi” (義氣). His step-sister’s young son got into serious political trouble in a 1960s anti-establishment
student movement. The young fellow and friends in Los Angeles may have
overstepped the legal boundaries. As Ming Cho considered his stepsister a true friend, he set his immediate obligations aside and at once flew from N.Y.C. to L.A. to consult a famous defense lawyer friend to find ways to assist the young nephew. He felt that was the right thing to do, and he stepped up voluntarily as he knew his stepsister and nephew urgently needed the help.

My wife, Lucille, has my deepest respect and admiration even when I do not always understand her rationales. During college years, she met a slightly older friend who invited her to join a Chinese Women’s Sorority. This friend became
an “older sister” to Lucille – very kind and always helpful and caring. However,
their life philosophies became more widely different as time passed – Lucille
became more Liberal and this friend more Conservative. About ten years ago, with husband already gone, this friend was deeply in debt to the credit company as her daughter was on drugs and was charging everything on her credit account.
For two years I heard weekly telephone conversations between Lucille and her friend near our West Coast dinner time. This friend would call and vent her
frustrations – the same complains – for almost an hour or so each time. Lucille seemed to have been giving this friend the same advice which obviously was not followed. Lucille made a visit to N.Y. and voluntarily paid off her friend’s credit card debt, but the friend still allowed her daughter to use the card as usual. This friend got very ill and had to have her leg amputated. Lucille took a week off to N.Y. again This time to clean their house for possible sales. This friend finally died, and Lucille went to help manage her memorial service. This is what I consider to be “YiQi” (義氣) – doing more for a Friend – most loyally, most unselfishly, and more than expected normally.


What Do the Following Fraternal Twins Have in Common with Alice’s Restaurant — by James Luce

Yi Qi and Male Bonding
East and West
Syntax and Semantics

– 20 Feb 22

(Before proceeding, you will find it useful to first read Stephen Lee’s entertaining and informative article about Yi Qi that is posted on this site.)

As I’m composing this essay, East and West are just barely balancing on the verge of WW III. The US/EU could go to war at any time with Russia, China, North Korea or all three. I hope you are reading this essay in peace.

The question in the title of this article came to mind as a result of having read and discussed a draft of Stephen Lee’s article about the meaning of Yi Qi (righteous loyalty), its ancient, complex, and fascinating philosophical/linguistic origins via the transmogrification and malleability of Chinese characters, concluding with a discussion of Yi Qi in China today. Stephen notes that there are seemingly coincidental similarities between manifestations of Yi Qi and what in the West is called Male Bonding.
For example, Chinese tales of the mythical folk hero warrior, Guan Yu, extol the virtuousness of truly righteous loyalty, the warrior standing by his fellows in danger and never betraying them to the evil enemy. Stephen notes that there’s also a sinister side to Yi Qi as represented by the 108 Outlaws of the Marsh. These folk heroes stole from the rich and gave to the poor, similar to the Western myth of Robin Hood and his Merry Men. The difference between these two gangs being that The Hood bunch returned to the Nottingham people the money stolen by the local aristocratic crowd from those same people, whereas the Marsh bunch gave the money they stole from the aristocrats to poor people who had not necessarily been the original victims. Thus, The Marsh system was not as efficient or equitable a redistribution of wealth scheme as perpetrated by the Hoods. However, both involved the commission of many violent felonies.
The West has many examples Yi Qi/Male Bonding that are not remotely pure, righteous, good, or productive. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are two loyal buddies gone bad…sticking together through adversities of their joint making and dying side-by-side in a hail of retributive bullets. Another, larger, example is The Wild Bunch. These four dastardly desperados didn’t have a shred of the Cassidy/Kid humor and joie de vivre. Not a bon mot between them. Neither of these two gangs gave any of their stolen loot to any poor people, keeping it all for themselves. Yet they too are folk heroes because of their devotion to Yi Qi. And then, of course, there’s the Mafia, American folk hero murders and extortionists simply dripping with Yi Qi and blood.
In modern America the ideal of Yi Qi in all its variations is robust. Every extreme is represented, from fraternal charitable organizations (pure) to drug cartels (toxic), with political organizations (dominated by male bonding) located somewhere in between those poles. Thus, it’s clear that it’s really not just a coincidence that China’s Yi Qi is paralleled in the West with Male Bonding. It’s not a coincidence because, after all, we’re all humans. Our ancestors faced the same problems and mysteries, few of which have been fixed over the millennia. The difference today between each of us and between our cultures is simply a manifestation of different routes to failed resolutions of our common problems and mysteries.

Welcome to Alice’s Restaurant!

Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant, released in 1967, is the generational anthem for most War Babies (1939-45) and Baby Boomers (1946-64). The first seven minutes forty-two seconds of this song are about Arlo’s adventures in Stockbridge, Massachusetts: Thanksgiving dinner at Alice’s restaurant and his subsequent arrest and trial for littering and creating a nuisance…but that’s not what he came to tell you about. He spends the remaining ten minutes fifty-seven seconds singing about the Military Draft, a very hot topic during the Vietnam War. I’ve started out talking about Yi Qi. Here’s what I really came to talk about: The Roots of our Common Humanity and the Routes we need to collectively take so as to reacquire our Common Humanity.
The primary focus of this essay concerns how to restore harmony among and between the bitterly splintered factions of our originally Common Humankind. These factions we usually refer to as our myriad cultures, nations, economies, minor genetic variations, languages, philosophies, religions, and other artificial, antagonistic, and divisive instruments of civilization. The original humans fought over food, water, and basic survival. In today’s world we have dozens of more things to fight about, most of which have nothing to do with food, water, or basic survival: patriotism, politics, beliefs, irrational prejudices, languages, and cosmologies. What could be more idiotic than to go to war or start a bloody riot over skin color, a flag, a political party, or especially those variable cultural answers as to where we all came from originally and why. “Especially” because nobody really knows and probably never will.

So…Let’s talk about just one of these splintering factions, the least likely to stir up patriotic or cultural animus: Languages

My father and his three older siblings were China-born, children of a Presbyterian missionary in Shandong Province during the disarray of the prolonged warlord period. When I was a very young child, I remember that my now grownup Aunt Beth hung embroidered towels in her New York apartment that read East is West. It was not until several decades later that I began to understand this cryptic message. We will return to this theme shortly, but first…

There’s a traditional belief/stereotype among Westerners, Anglo-Americans especially, that the Chinese people and their language are inscrutable. Well, what does that mean? The dictionary says, “impossible to understand or interpret”. So, perhaps Americans criticize the Chinese because Americans aren’t intelligent enough to understand what is being said or written in Chinese. In turn, Chinese people traditionally believe that Americans are blunt, both in language and mind. So, perhaps Chinese people criticize Americans because our dominant language, English, is, for the most part, direct and blunt and, well, plain ol’ Anglo-Saxon…avoiding ambiguity of meaning whenever possible. Or perhaps there’s another explanation for these stereotypes.

The source of these cross-cultural stereotypes is most likely the syntax and semantics of their respective languages. If Yi Qi is translated as “righteous loyalty”, that’s inscrutable to an American. But if it’s translated as “male bonding”, there’s no problem.
Let’s see which language and which culture is more inscrutable by comparing two quotations. Which of the following quotations was written by a Chinese scholar and which by a Western scholar:

A man is never too old to learn.
vs.
A man is never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Both of these aphorisms have a similar message, but one is blunt while the other is a bit fuzzy. So, it may surprise that the first quotation was written by an anonymous Buddhist scholar several thousand years ago and that the second is by the famous British scholar, C.S. Lewis.


Which of the following quotations is more inscrutable?


What is the sound of one hand clapping? (an ancient Buddhist riddle)


If a tree falls in the forest when nobody’s around, does it make a sound? (Bishop George Berkeley, a 17th-century Anglican)


They both seem inscrutable to me. Well, maybe these aren’t representative samples. Maybe Eastern thinking really is more inscrutable than Western philosophy. Let’s start out in neutral territory, somewhere neatly in between East and West: Ancient Greece was influenced by Egyptian, Iranian, and Chinese scholarship that flowed along the Silk Road and other trade routes. Our neutral thinker of choice is that famous pagan Plato. He postulated that physical objects and indeed the entire observable universe was nothing but shadows of True Reality (what he called Forms) that we mere humans could never see or experience.
Returning to Bishop Berkeley, who goes Plato one better, we find that this inscrutable Western Christian scholar believed in Immaterialism, a philosophy that denies the existence of all material substance. That is, all objects and indeed the entire observable universe exist only as ideas in our minds. If we don’t think about something, it doesn’t exist. There is no reality at all.
Let’s now compare, using the inscrutability scale, these two Western philosophers with their ancient Chinese counterparts. Several thousand years ago in pre-Buddhist China, philosophers thought about the Dao. The Dao is an ultimate source that connects all things and the entire observable universe. Everything is real, tangible, observable…no Forms or shadows or ethereal existence-only-in-the-mind. Rather the Dao is a Way or Guide that is observable, accessible to cultivated people who have the leisure time to contemplate it. In this real world, patterns can be detected, cyclical patterns that interact between the polar forces of Yin and Yang. Yin is a symbol of earth, femaleness, darkness, and passivity. Yang is a symbol of heaven, maleness, light, and activity. While these distinctions are offensive to our modern Western views, they match perfectly with how both Westerners and Easterners have divided things up for millennia. Furthermore, traditional Chinese philosophy at least acknowledges that water is wet, rocks are hard, a chair can be sat on…in short, the world exists in reality.
We can see that in the Pre-Science Age, the Greeks, Chinese, and Europeans postulated a similar answer to a shared mystery. Yet it was the Chinese solution that is the least inscrutable.
But what about modern times? Is the situation different now? Only slightly. If you read the modern Western philosophers, you will note extensive incorporation of Eastern ideas from the Dao, Buddhism, Islam, Jainism, and even some of the Hindu scripts. Reading modern Chinese philosophers, one finds substantial bits and pieces of Kant, Hegel, Marx, Nietzsche, Bergson, Dewey, and Heidegger.
Ahhh. But then there’s those ambiguous scribbles called Chinese characters that they use for writing. Not like good, clear, alphabet writing with just a few, easy to write and type letters. Certainly this makes English less inscrutable than Chinese…or does it?

Here’s a simple, plain, typed-with-letters sentence in English. “As a linguist, I love ambiguity more than most people.” See? Clear as a bell, sort of. This sentence could mean that the linguist “loves ambiguity but doesn’t appreciate most people” or that “most people don’t love ambiguity as much as he does”.
Well, perhaps Anglo-Americans can at least take comfort in the fact that English words are clear, unambiguous, and never inscrutable. Except maybe just a few, such as the word “sanction”. Even though this word is typed clearly with letters, “sanction” can mean either approve or disapprove. Compare with those Chinese scribbles. Approve: 批准 could never be confused with Disapprove: 不赞成. And then there’s flammable and inflammable. Both mean capable of catching fire. The list of inscrutable English words is almost endless, if not also eternal or infinite. To conclude with a good, clear Western question…If waves really exist, where do they go when they reach the beach?

继续我们的旅程

The above process of analyzing languages can be applied also to all the other previously mentioned factions of civilization that divide our Common Humanity, but such a detailed analysis is beyond the scope of this essay. Very briefly, all the philosophic, linguist, religious, and other cultural artifacts and variations extant today are just a dense, swirling fog keeping us from seeing that we’re all just humans trying to figure out how to stay safe in a dangerous and confusing world…and once safe, how to get along in peace. All the past and present isms of religion, politics, and philosophy are just failed and conflicting experiments. We are bungling alchemists in a universe based on cold and uncaring physics.
We are all humans, evolved from the same genetic mixture that uniquely gave us an opposable thumb and an immensely intelligent brain, a brain that learned how to use the thumb for more than climbing trees and gathering fruits. We’ve used our thumbs and cumulative knowledge to build and to destroy; to make war with technological gusto and diligence; to strive for peace but neither sincerely nor successfully. Humanity gets an “A” in the course of evolution for our millennia of effort, but a C- for achievement. We are still ignorant children playing with fire. The time left for us to grow up is perilously short.
No one culture, no nation, no person is passing the course. We need to give all others a break. Stop the chest thumping, stop the celebrations of our respective failed experiments, and get back to the difficult task of studying, striving to find better ways to achieve harmony and to solve all our common mysteries.

Now back to Aunt Beth’s embroidered towels… “East is West”

East is West

Like a maze when first encountered, all of Humankind’s myriad, eclectic routes through life over time and place appear jumbled, confused, and divided into many paths. Yet on closer examination, there is continuity, harmony, and a common goal. The maze is not made of many parts, rather, like Humanity, it’s an indivisible unit, a living organism thriving in the same soil under the same sky. Viewing the maze from above is much different than from on the ground. An individual can’t see that there’s a common goal when inside the maze, rather only the varied pathways. Most of the paths are dead ends.

The trick for Humanity is for everybody to harmoniously help to find the correct route to the common goal.

OBT, James

End Notes
Sino-American stereotypes: https://immi.se/intercultural/nr42/zhu.html
You may listen to the song and read the lyrics of Arlo Guthrie’s, Alice’s Restaurant at, respectively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM

and https://www.google.com/search?q=alice%27s+restaurant+full+lyrics&rlz=1C1RXQR_esES973ES973&oq=alice%27s+restaurant+full+lyrics&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i22i30l2.14811j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF

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UNDERSTANDING “Yi” RIGHTEOUSNESS & “Yi Qi” LOYALTY – AN ESSAY BY PROF. AN IN CHINESE

對中國古代“義”的理解
安蓉泉 Prof. An

    義,是中國儒家思想的重要範疇,也是一個內容豐富的道德概念。儒家之義,指的是“做公正、合理和應當做的事情”。義,包含了主體性和實踐性,推崇在人的內在心靈道德和外在行為品格。在儒家看來,義是處理人際關係的重要依據,也是個人道德修身的價值取向,是人一生應該不斷追求的理想人格要求.

孔子說:“見義不為,無勇也。”指見到應當做的事而不去做,是怯懦的表現。孟子說:“羞惡之心,義之端也。”“羞惡之心”是指因為做不應當做的事(不正義)感到羞恥和憎惡。顯然,孔孟兩位中國古代聖賢心中的“義”,是指心懷道德和戒律、克服客觀和主觀障礙去做正義的、道德的、應當做的事情。

為什麼說要“克服客觀和主觀”的障礙?因為做正義的、道德的、應該做的事情,經常需要克服物質條件不足等客觀障礙和各種名利誘惑等主觀障礙,才可能做到。所以中國古代有“見利思義”“重義輕利”“捨生取義”的人生信條,現代有“義不容辭”“義無反顧”“仗義直言”“大義滅親”“見義勇為”等流行的成語。

舉例一:南宋末年,蒙古軍隊兵臨城下,南宋面臨亡國威脅。文天祥組織四方豪傑起兵抗元。由於勢單力孤結果被元軍俘獲。面對敵人高官厚祿的勸降,文天祥不為所動,只求義死,不求苟生。最後為國捐軀。他留下的《過零丁洋》中“人生自古誰無死,留取丹心照汗青”的詩句,成為光照日月、氣壯山河的絕唱,成為民族精神財富的寶貴部分。

舉例二:趙禎被稱為中國歷史上最仁慈的君主。一天,趙禎退朝回到寢宮,因為頭癢,沒有脫皇袍就摘下帽冠,叫梳頭太監進來替他梳頭。太監梳頭時見趙禎懷中有一份奏摺,問道:“陛下收到的是什麼奏摺?”趙禎說是諫官建議減少宮中宮女和侍從的。太監說:“大臣家裏尚且都有歌伎舞女,一旦升官,還要增置。陛下侍從並不多,他們卻建議要削減,豈不太過分了!”趙禎沒有介面。太監又問:“他們的建議,陛下準備採納嗎?”趙禎說:“諫官的建議,朕當然要採納。”太監自恃一貫為趙禎所寵信,就不滿地說:“如果採納,請以奴才為削減的第一人。”趙禎聽了,頓然站起,呼喚主管太監入內,按名冊檢查,將宮人二十九人及梳頭太監削減出宮。事後,皇后問道:“梳頭太監是陛下多年的親信,又不是多餘的人,為何將他也削減?”趙禎說:“他勸朕拒絕諫官的忠言,朕怎能將這種人留在身邊!”

舉例三:東漢時期,有個清官叫楊震。他在荊州做官的時候發現了才華橫溢的王密,就推舉他做了昌邑縣令,當揚震東萊出任太守途經昌邑時,王密為答謝楊震以前對自己的舉薦之恩,趁夜深人靜懷揣10錠黃金到驛館拜見楊震。楊震對王密此舉很是生氣,毅然拒絕。王密四下瞅了瞅說:“夜黑人靜,是不會有人知道的。”楊震義正辭嚴地說:“天知、地知、你知、我知,你怎麼說沒有人知呢?”

對漢語“義氣”的一點理解

1.“義氣”的含義

義氣,是一個漢語特有辭彙,主要含義是指為情誼而甘願替別人承擔風險或作自我犧牲的仁義和氣度,是古代中國頌揚的、維繫人與人之間親密關係的一種思維和行為方式。

2.中國古代講“義氣”的故事

中國戰國時期,趙國的藺相如被封為上卿,比名將廉頗的官位還高,廉頗因此很不服氣,下決心要羞辱藺相如。藺相如聽到這個消息,便處處回避與廉頗見面。到了上朝的日子,就稱病不出。有一次,藺相如有事出門遇到廉頗,廉頗命令部下堵住藺相如的路,藺相只好磚頭回家。廉頗很得意,到處宣揚這件事。藺相如收養的門客們無法理解,藺相如是有名的大君子,怎麼對狂妄的廉頗忍氣吞聲呢?藺相如反問道:“你們說是秦王厲害還是廉頗將軍厲害?我連秦王都不怕,又怎麼怕廉頗呢?秦國現在不敢來侵犯,只是害怕我和廉將軍一文一武,保護著趙國。作為趙王的左膀右臂,我又怎能因私人的小小恩怨而不顧國家的江山社稷呢?”廉頗聽說後非常慚愧,便袒胸露背,背著荊條,到藺相如家中請罪。從此,他們便成了同生死共患難的好朋友,齊心為國效力.

3.辨析

“義氣”在實際生活中,也演變出過一些问题,出現了“江湖義氣”“為朋友兩肋插刀”無視法律、不顧後果地迎合朋友不正當需要的情況。隨著社會文明程度的提高,中國古代單純的“義氣”,和現代法律、社會公德出現某些錯位,比如親戚朋友犯罪能不能“義氣”用事幫著隱瞞?比如朋友讓你幫著做一件不道德的事該不該“義氣”相助?比如明明合作者的行为有失公正是忍气吞声还是沟通交流?——隨著國家開放、社會進步和法律健全,把“友誼”和“法律”、“義氣”和“正義”結合起來,正在成為現代中國人普遍接受的新的道德觀。

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