An ordinary but beautiful thing happened this morning and I would like to share it with you. Shirley had a medical appointment to get test reports on her unexpected high blood pressure situation. I had an appointment to check up on an abdomen pain that may or may not be related to the prostate surgery I had last November. Both of us were a little weary as we walked into the day clinic of the largest hospital in Taipei.

It was like a day at the market, people everywhere though everyone did obediently have masks on. As some of you might know, Taiwan’s universal single-payer health insurance is so good and so efficient that most people, especially older folks, consider going to the hospital as a day at the department store. Next-day appointments are easily arranged on-line, most treatments and medicines are free of charge, and medicines are picked up immediately after you are seen by the doctor. I watched as an old man picked up his medicines, 17 different prescriptions, gleefully saying to a family member, “Now we can go home and share all these!” “Well, it’s all free.” Imagine all this rampant medical consumerism! Besides, there are many gourmet restaurants and vendor type food stalls right in the hospital which people visit regularly after their medical appointments. Occasionally you might even see in-patients in their hospital pajamas, having a grand time in the restaurants, and then get back on their wheelchairs returning to their hospital beds. This is the everyday hospital scene here.

I was behind her on an escalator ramp (not stairs), going up to the second floor. This morning it was chilly and I had a knit yarn hat on. As I was taking it off, it caught my eye glasses and they fell over the edge of the escalator ramp onto the floor below. The ramp was moving and I turned back to look. A person behind me said she did see the glasses fall. Shirley had gone on ahead unaware of what had happened. When I got up to the top of the ramp, I quickly came around and back down to the first floor to look for the glasses. There is a row of chairs with people seated waiting for their turn at a registration counter. I began looking all around causing a slight commotion. A few people got up and looked around for me. Well, you guessed it, no glasses on the floor below the escalator ramp!

I went up the ramp four or five times, each time reenacting the location and how the glasses fell off, and where they could possibly have landed. Each time I would try to think of alternative scenarios of what might have happened to the glasses. Could someone have picked them up before I got down and turned them to the service counter? I asked at all the nearby service counters. There was no sign of my glasses. Perplexed, I went to see about Shirley. She had just gotten out of the first appointment and was going to the second one to see test results. I told her what had happened to me and that I had missed my own appointment. (By now, preoccupied by the weird occurrence, my pain had cured itself.) I walk her over to get the test results and told her that I would go check at the main building information desk to see if someone had turned the glasses in to them. Then I would come back and meet her at the counter to pick up her medicine. Well, there were many glasses at the main information desk, but mine were not there. I left my name and contact hoping eventually someone might turn the glasses in.

Back at the medicine counter I waited for Shirley and finally she showed up, dejected over the test results which showed she is high on blood sugar, cholesterol, and triglyceride. Both of us had sad faces and didn’t know what to say to each other. After a bit of consoling each other, we went back to the escalator ramp and checked one more time. By now it’s almost two hours since I lost my glasses. We scrutinized every possible corner again to see if we had missed seeing something. Finally I gave up and began to think of when and where to get a new pair of glasses. Shirley said, “let’s go up the ramp again.” I had given up but followed her up. She was looking all around and a young woman became curious.

This young woman, apparently going to her own appointment, after hearing our predicament, decided to help us look. She was very methodical, checked the details of my story, looked at my hat, and began to go up the ramp and down the stairs to look, even using her cell phone light to check the dark places. She also went to the service counter to see if anyone had turned in the glasses. By now Shirley and I were overtaken by this enthusiastic young person willing to take the time to help us. She was cheerful, matter of fact, none of the “feeling sorry” kind of language.

Meeting this person was like a breath of fresh air and we began to feel brightness and positivity, rather than bad luck and remorse over our situation. She spent a good twenty minutes helping to look, but then she also could not find the glasses. So we thanked her for her help not wanting to delay her appointment any further and she went on her way up the escalator ramp. We felt good meeting her even if the glasses were lost. She had turned our spirits around and made our day.

This is not the end of the story.

As we were about to leave, I saw her hurrying coming back down the stairs. She told us to wait for another moment because she wanted to check one more place. After a few minutes she came back around the other side of the escalators with a pair of glasses and a big smile. We were so surprised and couldn’t wait to find out how she found them. “Well, there is a staircase in the back of the escalators that goes down to the basement. I checked there and found them down below. Now I really have to go. Bye.” This whole episode had by now delayed her at least 30 minutes.

We did not have time to ask her name, to take a picture with her, and to thank her. So here it is, an ordinary day in Taipei, a freak accident of losing my glasses, a chance meeting of a stranger, and a totally random act of kindness that retrieved the glasses. As recipients of this kindness, its uplifting power reverberated for the rest of the day, and continues to be with us. For the young woman, being kind and helpful not only to those that you know, but also to anyone you come in contact with, seems as natural as breathing. With the lightness of her disappearance into the crowd, we could sense that she felt good, even late for her appointment.

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Dear Billy,

First of all I hope you and your loved ones are doing very well !

I am OK  and  follow  summarising  the concept of my Complicitas …aiming to visualise the essence of Love..Friendship.

Cheers from a wonderful sunny day in Genoa

Amalia

” When  I start  working at my photoart,  I do not  want to know  how the outcome  will be. I want to get surprised..!!! Surprised by an ever new, unusual, harmonious, meaningful vision,  I name by the Latin word, Complicitas !
Because of the complicity threading different subjects, mutually enhancing  their  highlights, thus generating a new  Oneness

If no man is an island,  we all are inter-dipendent… hence the Resonance between me  and  any place in the world I visit, focus.. can awake facets of it nestled in me.
thus inspiring  a portrait by an innovative Togetherness among elements of any kind,nature

A Togetherness aiming, beyond any mere  aesthetic ,
to express the essence of universal Love…Friendship  !

It’s  the Complicitas  mission 

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My dear friend Billy Lee asked me to add to his Friendshipology site so here are my musings on the topic.  Friendships are an integral part of our deeply rooted social nature. As I age I cherish ever more the special people whom I consider to be my friends.

Being friendly and enjoying an activity with another person can be satisfying and enjoyable.  To me, however, and for the sake of this writing, this is not the same as a true and deep friendship although those very special friendships often and typically begin in this way.  Additionally, family members can be but aren’t necessarily true friends.

I enjoy reading quotations.  After reading many about friendship, the ones below resonate the most with me. Through them I’ll describe what friendship means to me and the place it holds in my life.

. Friends are people who know you really well & like you anyway.  – Greg Tambly

We get to know one another through open communications and trust.  Friends are those who know our imperfections and accept us completely for who we are.

• Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.  – Ed Cunningham

Friends are deeply united with one another; not just by an enjoyment of activities and events, but from our hearts and souls within. With this comes a genuine interest in each other’s lives and a desire to deepen this knowing and understanding.

• I get by with a little help from my friends.  – The Beatles

Friends help one another through difficult times.  Help can be as simple as a drive to a car repair shop and as deep and profound as being emotionally available when a loved one passes.  This giving and taking between friends is mutual and given freely over time.  It can, of course be unidirectional when one needs it most.

• Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.  – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Knowing we are accepted, listened to and valued for who we are provides satisfaction, as does giving this to our friends.  In this way we celebrate and increase one another’s joy and comfort through difficult times.

• One’s friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.  – George Santayana

Being human is being in tune with our deepest emotions and needs.  In most situations and with most people opening ourselves to this level of intimacy and vulnerability is not appropriate and can even put an unwanted burden on the other person.  Friends provide the freedom to share at a deep level.  Not everything and not to every friend, but far more than to others. 

• The best things in life aren’t things… they’re our friends.  – unknown 

This quote doesn’t need any discussion; it is my favorite in its truth and simplicity.

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Jeanne Gadol bio

Jeanne Gadol, a native Californian, exhibited her interest and talent in artistic expression since childhood.  She found her creative niche with the advent of digital art and photography.  A fulltime artist since 2000, she photographs, paints, and combines her photographs and paintings with other digital elements resulting in unique digital artistry.  One of her greatest joys is knowing her art brings thousands of owners and viewers happiness and a sense of peace and wonder.

Her other sources of pleasure are being in nature and of course spending time with her friends and family. She lives in Portola Valley, California with her beloved husband and slightly crazy Siamese cat.

Jeanne’s Artworks :

Billy, I’m not able right now to provide an essay on compassion from a buddhist perspective, but here’s a poem I wrote in 2016 that went to an incarcerated young person, sent anonymously through the Mind Body Awareness Project: Mindfulness & Life Skills for At-Risk Youth (http://www.mbaproject.org . You may find it suitable for your website.

Dear friend,

The world can feel cruel, 

Making kindness seem like something for a fool.

Made me wonder why I should ever go to school.

When life knocked me down, 

I hurt deep inside and struggled to get off the ground.

Saw nothing worth living for in town and around. 

Like many others, I’ve gone through dark times.

Seemed like other kids got sweets when I got only limes.

The only thing I believed in was angry hip hop rhymes. 

When life was dark, I looked at my past with regret,

I saw others as a threat.

Hearing empty promises for the future only got me more upset. 

Then I learned there are ways to free my mind.

Realized even though we got eyes, we’re actually blind.

There’s unimaginable goodness in life for us to find. 

With a glimmer of hope, I no longer felt confined.

Decided to leave my dark days behind. 

Join a good fight somewhere with people unbelievably kind. 

Set your mind straight, and life will be great. 

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BILLY”S COMMENTS: It’s admirable to have kind thought. It’s real when compassionate action follows.

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Friendshipology, the study of friendship, is complicated:  The who, the what, the when, the where, the how and the why of friends and friendships.  If “to be or not to be” is the existential Shakespearean question, particularized here, the question becomes to befriend or not to befriend. 

My first thoughts on the subject brought to mind two experiences. The first experience involved Shawn, a three or four year old boy who was having his first playdate with my son Robert.  Before crossing the threshold of the open front door, he announced a governing principle of friendship, “Be nice me.”

The second experience was an anecdote related by Theodore Greene, PhD in a course called The Philosophy of Religion.  Dr. Greene was teaching leadership to a group of Marine Corps officers.  Asked to comment on a Greek philosopher’s views on leadership, the Marine major said, “You can’t love a sonofabitch.”

Then there is the range of one’s prospective friends. A person who is nice to you might get a responsive thank you, a pat on the back, a smile and maybe a hug.  On the other hand, a business person who with a smile on his or her face fails to disclose a material fact to you in negotiations, defrauds you, is not one  to befriend.  That is at least until the fraud is acknowledged and the problems caused by the fraud remedied. You might then befriend. There are to me limits on friendship between people.

My second thoughts on Friendshipology suggest that friendships are not limited to people, but involve the universe of human experience. For instance as a lawyer and a mediator, the truth and nothing but the truth is an idea, the befriending of which is an absolute necessity, creating duties to courts, clients, opposing counsel and their clients. Truth is an idea to befriend. It is the lifeblood of a not only a legal system but, literally, liberty and justice for all.

My grandson put it to me this way:  In response to a question, “What’s that?” he said, “I don’t know; tell  me and then I’ll know.” Truth telling becomes an obligation.  Teach the truth to your grandchildren. Speak truth. Of course you must know the truth to speak it or teach it.  Therein lies the challenge.  How to determine the truth, especially in this era of broadband and social media use.

Truth telling is tempered by an adage, attributed to Mark Twain, that it’s not what we don’t know that gets us into trouble, it’s the things we think we know that “ain’t so” that get us into trouble.  A squared plus B squared equals C squared is a wonderment of truth. The math must be correct. There is but one correct answer to a math problem. The immutable laws of physics, biology and chemistry need the professional befriending of scientists and students.  

In the 1990s San Diego began to recognize the severity of its water problems.  One of the solutions proposed was water reuse.  Experimental facilities, using the water hyacinth as a cleansing agent, were built that produced water capable of reuse for all purposes but drinking. Purple pipe irrigation using non potable water for irrigation evolved. Eventually potable water was produced. That was an idea which to me was worth befriending.  I took note. 

It was also in the 1990s that the truth of water reuse was being pursued by John Todd of Cape Cod in Massachussetts.  His concept of “living machines” was interesting.  He was featured on national television.  Facilities were built in New England, Canada and China. Again I took note, and I began to research the subject as a meritorious idea and to pursue “solar aquatics” or onsite water treatment as a potential new business venture.

It was in the 1990s too that I ran into my classmate Billy Lee at an Andover reunion where I discussed “living machines” with him and with other classmates.  My law practice took me to the San Francisco Bay Area at times thereafter, and I continued to enjoy opportunities to meet and talk with Billy. When he was invited to Ningbo in 1999 to be presented with an honorary degree, he invited me to travel there with him and perhaps give a lecture on wastewater. His acceptance speech was on sustainability. Traveling with Billy, sharing time, space and talk expanded our friendship.  

I had fun giving a lecture to a group of students in Ningbo. I think they got the notion of water reuse through the use of plants as the primary cleansing agent.  I recall that one of their professors was nodding in agreement as I spoke. 

As suggested at the outset, friendship is a complicated subject.  We must befriend ourselves with respect and care. Personal friendships with one’s spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, playmate, teammate or classmate are all enhanced by our senses and sensibilities.  Business friendships are essential as we co-exist in time and in space on our planet.  

We need to be friends of the earth.  That friendship is existential.

Biography

Billy and I were classmates at both Andover (1951) and Yale (1955).  Following graduation from Yale, I spent two years as a naval officer serving on LSTs in the Pacific.  With my discharge from active duty in 1957, I started law school at Boston University and finished at the University of Denver.  After passing the Colorado bar exam, the California bar exam followed.  Then came the practice of law in San Diego as a civil trial lawyer from 1962 to 1999 and as a mediator for several years.

Having retired from the active practice of law, I formed a California corporation called Onsite Water Treatment, Inc. of which I was President. Today I remain concerned about the local discharge of billions of gallons of wastewater into the Pacific Ocean off San Diego by Californians, the solution to the drying up of the Salton Sea in Southern California, and the contamination of our coastal waters by untreated sewage from the Tijuana River.     

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