“The Art and Science of Connecting” by Kasley Killam provides several practical pieces of advice for fostering meaningful relationships and a sense of community:

1. Active Listening: Pay full attention when someone is speaking, showing empathy and understanding without interrupting. This builds trust and strengthens bonds.
2. Express Gratitude: Regularly express appreciation for the people in your life. Acknowledging others’ efforts and kindness fosters positive feelings and reinforces connections.
3. Be Present: Make an effort to be fully present in your interactions, whether in person or virtually. Limit distractions and focus on the person you are with.
4. Initiate Contact: Don’t wait for others to reach out. Take the initiative to start conversations and arrange meetups, showing that you value the relationship.
5. Practice Vulnerability: Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly. Being vulnerable can deepen relationships by fostering mutual understanding and trust.
6. Engage in Shared Activities: Participate in activities that you and others enjoy. Shared experiences can create lasting bonds and provide opportunities for connection.
7. Join Communities: Get involved in groups or organizations that align with your interests. Being part of a community can provide a sense of belonging and offer opportunities to meet like-minded individuals.
8. Show Empathy and Support: Be there for others during both good and challenging times. Offering emotional support and understanding strengthens relationships.
9. Maintain Regular Contact: Keep in touch with friends and family regularly, even if it’s just a quick message or call. Consistent communication helps maintain connections over time.
10. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity: Focus on building a few deep, meaningful relationships rather than trying to maintain a large number of superficial connections.

By incorporating these practices into daily life, you can enhance your relationships and create a stronger sense of community and belonging.

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In Kim Wier’s “The Art of Friendship: Creating and Keeping Relationships that Matter,” she outlines 70 simple rules for building and maintaining meaningful friendships. Here is a summary of some key rules from her book:

1. Be Intentional: Make a conscious effort to build and nurture friendships.
2. Show Up: Be present in your friends’ lives, both in good times and bad.
3. Listen Well: Practice active listening to understand and support your friends.
4. Be Honest: Cultivate trust by being truthful and transparent.
5. Offer Encouragement: Be a source of positivity and motivation.
6. Make Time: Prioritize your friendships by setting aside time for your friends.
7. Be Reliable: Keep your promises and be dependable.
8. Show Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation.
9. Forgive Quickly: Let go of grudges and be quick to forgive.
10. Celebrate Successes: Share in your friends’ joys and achievements.
11. Be Vulnerable: Share your true self and allow your friends to do the same.
12. Offer Help: Be willing to assist your friends in times of need.
13. Respect Boundaries: Understand and respect the personal boundaries of your friends.
14. Share Experiences: Create shared memories through activities and experiences.
15. Communicate Clearly: Ensure your communication is open and clear.
16. Be Kind: Practice kindness in your words and actions.
17. Laugh Together: Enjoy humor and light-hearted moments.
18. Pray for Your Friends: If applicable, include your friends in your prayers.
19. Support Growth: Encourage your friends’ personal and spiritual growth.
20. Stay Connected: Maintain regular contact, even if it’s through small gestures.

While the book covers many more rules, these examples reflect the core principles that Wier emphasizes for cultivating lasting and meaningful friendships

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.Alan McGinnis’s book “The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care For” provides valuable insights and practical strategies for building deeper and more meaningful relationships. Here are some key insights and strategies from the book:

Key Insights:

1. Importance of Friendship:
   • Strong friendships are crucial for emotional well-being and happiness.
   • Close relationships contribute significantly to overall life satisfaction.
2. Active Participation:
   • Friendship requires effort and active involvement from both parties.
   • Investing time and energy in relationships is essential for their growth.
3. Communication:
   • Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong friendship.
   • Effective listening and empathetic responses strengthen connections.
4. Trust and Loyalty:
   • Trust is built through consistent, reliable behavior and honesty.
   • Loyalty and support during difficult times are key components of a lasting friendship.
5. Mutual Respect:
   • Respecting each other’s differences and boundaries fosters a healthy relationship.
   • Valuing and appreciating each other enhances the bond.

Strategies:

1. Be a Good Listener:
   • Show genuine interest in what your friend is saying.
   • Avoid interrupting and provide feedback that shows you understand their perspective.
2. Express Affection:
   • Regularly show your friends that you care about them through words and actions.
   • Small gestures of kindness and appreciation can go a long way.
3. Share Your Life:
   • Open up about your own experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
   • Being vulnerable can create a deeper sense of intimacy and trust.
4. Offer Support:
   • Be there for your friends during both good and challenging times.
   • Offer practical help, emotional support, and encouragement.
5. Spend Quality Time:
   • Prioritize spending time together, whether it’s through shared activities or simply being present.
   • Make an effort to maintain regular contact, even if it’s just a quick message or call.
6. Practice Forgiveness:
   • Be willing to forgive and move past conflicts or misunderstandings.
   • Holding onto grudges can damage the relationship.
7. Celebrate Achievements:
   • Share in your friends’ successes and celebrate their accomplishments.
   • Showing pride and joy in their achievements strengthens the bond.
8. Cultivate Mutual Interests:
   • Engage in activities and hobbies that you both enjoy.
   • Shared experiences can create lasting memories and reinforce your connection.
9. Show Empathy:
   • Try to understand and relate to your friends’ emotions and experiences.
   • Empathy helps build a deeper connection and fosters a supportive environment.
10. Be Honest:
    • Communicate openly and honestly, even when it’s difficult.
    • Transparency builds trust and prevents misunderstandings.

By implementing these insights and strategies, you can foster deeper, more meaningful relationships with the people you care about.

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“Friendship” by D.J. Enright and David Rawlinson is a collection of essays and reflections on the nature, complexities, and significance of friendship. The book brings together various perspectives and literary insights into the concept of friendship. Here are the key themes and ideas:

1. Diverse Perspectives:
   • The book explores friendship from multiple angles, including philosophical, literary, and personal perspectives.
2. Historical and Cultural Context:
   • It examines how the concept of friendship has evolved across different historical periods and cultures.
3. Literary Reflections:
   • The authors draw on a wide range of literary works, from classical to contemporary, to illustrate the nuances of friendship.
4. Complexity and Paradox:
   • The book acknowledges the complexities and paradoxes inherent in friendships, such as the balance between intimacy and independence.
5. Friendship and Love:
   • It explores the relationship between friendship and romantic love, highlighting similarities and differences.
6. Challenges and Conflicts:
   • The book discusses common challenges and conflicts in friendships, including jealousy, betrayal, and competition.
7. Endurance and Change:
   • It reflects on the endurance of friendships over time and how they adapt to changes in life circumstances.
8. Emotional Depth:
   • The authors emphasize the emotional depth and significance of friendships, portraying them as essential to human experience and well-being.
9. Philosophical Insights:
   • The book includes philosophical insights into the nature of friendship, drawing on the thoughts of thinkers like Aristotle, Montaigne, and Emerson.

By weaving together various insights and reflections, “Friendship” by Enright and Rawlinson offers a rich and multifaceted exploration of one of the most fundamental aspects of human relationships.

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“On Friendship” by Cicero

In “On Friendship,” Cicero explores the nature and value of friendship through a dialogue between Laelius and his sons-in-law, Gaius Fannius and Quintus Mucius Scaevola. Here are the key points from Cicero’s work:

1. Definition of Friendship:
   • Cicero defines friendship as a deep, mutual affection between individuals who share similar values and virtues.
2. Virtue as the Basis:
   • True friendship is based on virtue. Only good people, those who possess moral integrity, can form genuine friendships.
3. Equality and Reciprocity:
   • Friendship requires equality and reciprocity. Both friends should equally contribute to and benefit from the relationship.
4. Shared Values and Interests:
   • Friends should have shared values, goals, and interests, which strengthen the bond and ensure mutual understanding and support.
5. Trust and Loyalty:
   • Trust is fundamental in friendship. Friends should be reliable, honest, and loyal to each other.
6. Constancy and Stability:
   • A true friendship remains constant and stable over time, regardless of changing circumstances or personal fortunes.
7. Selflessness:
   • Genuine friends prioritize each other’s well-being and happiness over personal gain.
8. Support in Adversity:
   • Friends provide support and comfort in times of trouble and adversity, offering a source of strength and encouragement.
9. Joy in Companionship:
   • Friendship brings joy and fulfillment through companionship, shared experiences, and mutual understanding.

Summary of “Friendship, Altruism, & Morality” by Lawrence A. Blum

Lawrence A. Blum’s “Friendship, Altruism, & Morality” is an exploration of the moral dimensions of personal relationships, particularly focusing on friendship and altruism. Blum argues that these relationships play a crucial role in our moral lives and provide a counterbalance to the more impersonal and formalistic aspects of morality. Here are the key themes and ideas from the book:

1. Moral Significance of Friendship:
   • Friendship is presented as a significant moral relationship, which involves mutual care, shared values, and emotional intimacy.
2. Altruism and Morality:
   • Blum examines the concept of altruism, challenging the view that moral actions must be entirely selfless. He argues that genuine concern for others often includes a mix of self-interested and altruistic motives.
3. Critique of Impersonal Morality:
   • The book critiques traditional moral theories that emphasize impartiality and universal principles. Blum argues that these theories often overlook the importance of personal relationships and particular moral commitments.
4. Integration of Partiality and Impartiality:
   • Blum suggests that a complete moral theory should integrate both partiality (care and concern for specific individuals) and impartiality (fairness and justice).
5. Ethical Role of Emotions:
   • Emotions play a crucial role in moral life, especially in the context of personal relationships. Emotions such as love, empathy, and compassion are integral to understanding moral obligations within friendships.
6. Virtues of Friendship:
   • The virtues specific to friendship, such as loyalty, trust, and honesty, are explored. Blum argues that these virtues are essential for sustaining meaningful relationships and contribute to overall moral development.

Key Quotes from the Book

1. On the Nature of Friendship:
   • “Friendship is not just a personal preference or a source of personal satisfaction; it is a deeply moral relationship that involves mutual care, respect, and shared values.”
2. Altruism and Self-Interest:
   • “Altruism does not require the absence of self-interest. True altruism often involves a complex interplay of self-concern and concern for others.”
3. Critique of Impersonal Morality:
   • “Moral theories that emphasize impartiality and universal principles often neglect the moral significance of personal relationships and particular commitments.”
4. Emotional Basis of Morality:
   • “Emotions such as love, empathy, and compassion are not just ancillary to moral life; they are central to understanding our moral obligations and commitments.”
5. Integration of Partiality and Impartiality:
   • “A complete moral theory must balance the demands of partiality—our special obligations to friends and loved ones—with the requirements of impartiality, such as fairness and justice.”
6. Virtues in Friendship:
   • “The virtues that sustain friendship—loyalty, trust, and honesty—are not only crucial for personal relationships but also for moral development and ethical life as a whole.”
   • _____________________________________________________

Friendship is a multifaceted concept studied across various disciplines, each offering unique insights into its nature and significance. Here’s an overview of how friendship is examined in sociology, philosophy, history, and psychology:

Sociology

In sociology, friendship is analyzed as a social institution and a network of social ties. Sociologists study how friendships form, the social norms governing them, and their role in social structures and communities. Key topics include:

• Social Capital: The value derived from social networks and relationships, where friendships can enhance one’s social capital by providing support, information, and resources.
• Social Networks: The patterns of relationships between individuals and groups, including how friendships are formed, maintained, and dissolved.
• Group Dynamics: How friendships influence group behavior, cohesion, and social identity.
• Cultural Variations: Differences in friendship norms and practices across cultures and societies.

Philosophy

Philosophical discussions on friendship date back to ancient times and explore its ethical and moral dimensions. Key philosophers who have contributed to this discourse include:

• Aristotle: In “Nicomachean Ethics,” Aristotle distinguished three types of friendship: friendships of utility, pleasure, and virtue. He emphasized the highest form as one based on mutual respect and the pursuit of virtue.
• Immanuel Kant: Viewed friendship as a moral relationship grounded in mutual respect and the recognition of each other as ends in themselves.
• Contemporary Philosophers: Analyze friendship in the context of modern ethical theories, including its role in personal identity, moral development, and the good life.

History

Historians study how the concept and practice of friendship have evolved over time, reflecting broader social, cultural, and political changes. Key areas of focus include:

• Ancient and Medieval Friendships: Examining how friendships were understood and valued in different historical periods, such as the classical Greek, Roman, and medieval eras.
• Friendship in Literature: How literary works from different periods portray and reflect societal attitudes toward friendship.
• Social Movements: The role of friendship in fostering solidarity and collective action within social and political movements.

Psychology

Psychologists investigate the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects of friendship, focusing on how friendships affect individual well-being and development. Key areas of research include:

• Developmental Psychology: How friendships evolve from childhood to adulthood, and their impact on social and emotional development.
• Social Psychology: The dynamics of friendship formation, maintenance, and dissolution, including factors like similarity, reciprocity, and social skills.
• Mental Health: The influence of friendships on mental health and well-being, including their role in providing emotional support, reducing stress, and enhancing life satisfaction.
• Attachment Theory: How early attachment experiences with caregivers influence the nature and quality of later friendships.

Biology

Biologists explore the evolutionary and genetic aspects of friendship, looking at how social bonds have developed and their significance for survival and reproduction. Key topics include:

• Evolutionary Biology: Studies how social bonds and cooperative behaviors have evolved to enhance survival and reproductive success. This includes examining kin selection, reciprocal altruism, and group living.
• Behavioral Biology: Investigates the behaviors associated with forming and maintaining friendships, such as grooming in primates or affiliative behaviors in other animals.

Neurology

Neurologists study the brain mechanisms and neural processes underlying friendship and social interactions. Key areas include:

• Social Neuroscience: Examines how the brain processes social information and the neural basis of social behaviors. This includes studying brain regions involved in empathy, social cognition, and reward processing.
• Neuroplasticity: Investigates how social interactions and friendships can shape and change the brain over time, influencing neural connections and brain structure.
• Neurochemistry: Explores the role of neurotransmitters and hormones, such as oxytocin,
• dopamine, and serotonin, in mediating social bonding and attachment.

Physiology

Physiologists study the bodily processes and physical health effects related to friendships and social interactions. Key areas include:

• Psychoneuroimmunology: Examines the interactions between psychological processes, the nervous system, and the immune system. Research in this field has shown that strong social ties can enhance immune function and overall health.
• Stress Physiology: Investigates how social support and friendships can buffer against stress and reduce physiological responses to stress, such as cortisol levels.
• Cardiovascular Health: Studies the impact of social relationships on heart health, including how positive social interactions can lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Emerging Fields and Special Areas

There are several emerging fields and specialized areas of research that integrate these diverse perspectives:

• Social Genomics: Studies how social relationships and environments influence gene expression and how genetic factors affect social behaviors and interactions.
• Affective Neuroscience: Focuses on the neural mechanisms of emotions, including how positive emotions related to friendship and social connections are processed in the brain.
• Interpersonal Neurobiology: Combines insights from neuroscience, psychology, and sociology to understand how relationships shape brain development and function across the lifespan.
• Bio-Social Psychology: Integrates biological and social perspectives to examine how social experiences and relationships influence psychological and physiological processes.

These interdisciplinary approaches provide a more comprehensive understanding of the complex and multifaceted nature of friendship and social connections, highlighting the interplay between biological, psychological, and social factors.

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Friendship can develop through various approaches, each with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Here, we’ll discuss the pros and cons of letting friendships develop naturally, guiding them, and analytically plotting them, along with considerations of timing and effectiveness across different age groups and cultural contexts.

Developing Friendships Naturally

Pros:

1. Authenticity: Friendships that develop naturally tend to be more genuine and resilient since they are based on spontaneous mutual interests and shared experiences.
2. Ease: Natural friendships often require less effort and planning, making them less stressful and more enjoyable.
3. Flexibility: These friendships can adapt more easily to changes over time, as they are not constrained by predefined goals or expectations.

Cons:

1. Unpredictability: The organic development of friendships can be slow and uncertain, making it challenging for individuals seeking immediate social support.
2. Incompatibility: Naturally formed friendships may sometimes result in mismatched expectations or interests, leading to potential conflicts.

Guided Development

Pros:

1. Intentionality: Guiding the development of friendships allows individuals to focus on building relationships that align with their values and goals.
2. Support: Structured guidance can help individuals who struggle with social skills or have difficulty making friends, providing them with strategies and support.
3. Efficiency: Intentional efforts can accelerate the formation of meaningful connections, which can be particularly useful in specific settings, such as team-building in workplaces or new social environments.

Cons:

1. Artificiality: Guided friendships may feel forced or insincere, potentially undermining the depth and authenticity of the relationship.
2. Dependence: Over-reliance on guidance can hinder the development of independent social skills, making it difficult for individuals to form friendships without external help.

Analytically Plotted Friendships

Pros:

1. Strategic: Analytical approaches can optimize the process of making friends by identifying common interests, compatible personalities, and shared goals.
2. Predictability: These methods can provide more predictable outcomes, helping individuals form connections that are likely to be stable and fulfilling.
3. Goal-Oriented: This approach can be particularly effective in professional or academic settings where specific objectives, such as networking or collaboration, are important.

Cons:

1. Overthinking: Over-analyzing friendships can lead to stress and pressure, making interactions feel more like transactions than genuine relationships.
2. Limited Spontaneity: This approach may limit the spontaneous and joyful aspects of making friends, reducing the overall enjoyment of the process.

Timing and Effectiveness Across Age Groups

Children and Adolescents

• Natural Development: Highly effective due to the abundance of social opportunities in school and play environments.
• Guided Development: Useful for children who struggle with social skills or experience bullying; parental or educational guidance can foster healthier friendships.
• Analytical Approach: Less common but can be beneficial in structured activities like clubs or sports, where common interests are a focal point.

Young Adults

• Natural Development: Effective in college and early career stages, where social opportunities are plentiful.
• Guided Development: Helpful in new environments, such as moving to a new city, where social networks are initially limited.
• Analytical Approach: Can be advantageous in professional settings or for networking purposes.

Middle-Aged Adults

• Natural Development: Can be more challenging due to busy schedules and established routines but remains valuable for forming deep, lasting connections.
• Guided Development: Community groups, hobby clubs, and workplace initiatives can support friendship development.
• Analytical Approach: Effective for targeted networking or finding friends with specific shared interests.

Older Adults

• Natural Development: Important for maintaining mental and emotional health, though opportunities may be fewer.
• Guided Development: Senior centers and social programs can facilitate new friendships and combat loneliness.
• Analytical Approach: Useful for finding companions with similar life experiences or health conditions.

Cultural Considerations

• Individualistic Cultures: Natural development is often emphasized, but guided and analytical approaches can be useful in structured environments like workplaces or educational institutions.
• Collectivist Cultures: Guided development is common, with a focus on family and community involvement in forming friendships. Analytical approaches may be used in organized community activities.

Conclusion

The most effective approach to developing friendships can vary widely based on individual circumstances, age, and cultural context. Balancing natural interactions with guided and analytical efforts can help foster meaningful and lasting friendships across different stages of life and social settings.

ChatGPT: Several experts and scholars are widely recognized for their contributions to the study of friendship and social relationships across various disciplines. Here are a few notable figures:

Sociology

• Robert D. Putnam: A political scientist and sociologist known for his work on social capital and the decline of community in America, particularly in his book “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.”
• Nan Lin: A sociologist who has extensively studied social networks and social capital, contributing to our understanding of how social connections impact individuals and communities.

Psychology

• Robin Dunbar: A British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist known for Dunbar’s Number, a theoretical cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships.
• John Cacioppo: A pioneering social neuroscientist who studied the effects of loneliness and social isolation on mental and physical health.

Philosophy

• Alexander Nehamas: A philosopher who has written about the role of friendship in the good life, exploring its significance in both ancient and contemporary contexts.
• A.C. Grayling: A philosopher who has discussed friendship within the broader framework of ethics and human flourishing.

Neurology and Neuroscience

• Tania Singer: A neuroscientist known for her work on empathy and social cognition, exploring how the brain processes social relationships.
• Matthew Lieberman: A social neuroscientist who has studied the neural basis of social connection and its importance for mental health.

Biology and Evolutionary Studies

• Sarah Blaffer Hrdy: An anthropologist and primatologist who has explored the evolutionary basis of cooperative behavior and social bonding in humans and other primates.
• Frans de Waal: A primatologist known for his work on the social behavior of primates, including friendship, cooperation, and empathy.

Interdisciplinary Studies

• Julianne Holt-Lunstad: A psychologist who has conducted extensive research on the impact of social relationships on health, including the effects of loneliness and social isolation.
• Daniel Goleman: Known for his work on emotional intelligence, Goleman has also explored the role of empathy and social connections in personal and professional success.

These experts represent a range of perspectives and approaches to studying friendship, from its evolutionary origins and neurological underpinnings to its psychological and sociological implications. Their work continues to shape our understanding of the complex and multifaceted nature of socia

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Anonymous friendship is taking place in Berkeley and Oakland, California where Mingwei Samuel and Darrel Owens have built and installed 16 wooden benches at bus stops where no benches were present. This anonymous act of friendship has provided a place to sit while waiting for a bus. Undoubtably, Samuel and Owens have made countless unknown friends who now have a place to rest while waiting for a bus. The benches are crafted out of wood, stained, and installed by bolting them to the sidewalk by the two men. Although the city of Berkeley has objected to the installment of the benches. It has only removed one bench.

This project has caused me to think about acts of anonymous friendship I might preform. I am not a carpenter who could help to build more benches with Samuel and Owens, but I can smile and say hello to strangers as I walk along the sidewalk in my neighborhood. I could take a few of my many books and put them in the book boxes I see along streets where I live. Try to think of something you can do anonymously to spread friendship.

Welcome, FRIENDS, let’s sit and chat while waiting for the bus !

The creeping warmth of the rising sun on a cold December dawn

Walnut sprinkles descending on a sundae, joined by an eager spoon

The thrill and delight when a thrush bursts spontaneously into song

The joy of standing in a long hot shower while singing a happy tune

The wisdom to be gentle when teaching children right from wrong

Hiking in a forest green…the mossy leaves below…above, a brilliant moon

Giving rather than taking

Mending rather than breaking

Healing rather than aching

Progressing rather than braking

One hand making a friendly shake, while two can make a loving hug

Strangers becoming friends while fixing up their neighborhood

Foamy, frothy, creamy, bubbly chocolate as it’s pouring into your mug

This is but a tiny list of the myriad of things that are truly Good

One can do good, be good, and feel good, but these are not identical

When analyzing one’s behavior, it’s always smart to stay a bit skeptical

Do unto others as you would have done unto you?

Nay. Rather do unto others as they would have done unto themselves

After all, what’s good for a goose may not be good for a gander, it’s true

Life is not a rainbow, rather it’s an abundant array of fascinating pastels

The good and the wise lead quiet lives.

Euripides

In “ RELAX AND THE WORLD RELAXES WITH YOU”, James Luce  wrote to Billy: “ I finally learned how to RELAX.”

Billy immediately urged:  Please share your SECRET ON HOW TO RELAX.>What were your ANXIETIES to begin with ? Did you do MINDFUL MEDITATIONS ? Did you have an AH HA MOMENT ? Did you have to make certain SACRIFICES ? Have you also learned HOW TO STAY RELAXED ?

James Replied:

Hello Billy,  You ask, what is my secret of how to relax…

It’s important to distinguish between being relaxed and being apathetic. Additionally, one can be excited, even agitated, and yet still be relaxed.

          My peculiar road to relaxation began one day about fifteen years ago when I suddenly realized that worry is a waste of time and is also totally unproductive. Of course, worry should never be confused with planning, anticipating, analyzing. 

          Somewhere further down that road, maybe five years ago, I realized that being concerned about things over which I had absolutely no control was just as silly as worrying. This led me to the corollary realization that the only things I could do anything about were local.  That places the news of the world into a bottle to observe, not a monster with which to do battle.  That concept also allows one to focus on real problems and real solutions…because the problems are in one’s face, urgent, and usually fixable by oneself or often “with a little help from my friends.

          The latest stride down my road to relaxation, coincident with my heart valve replacement, is the realization that worry is not just a simple waste of time, but is actually a terrible waste of very valuable time. All the more reason to eschew worry and, instead, embrace life and friends in a relaxed fashion

Stephen Lee chimed in:

Hello Bill and James, Here are my personal answers.

SECRET ON HOW TO RELAX.

What were your ANXIETIES to begin with ?                                                     Uncertainty of what may happen outside of my expectations

Did you do MINDFUL MEDITATIONS ?  Not as a scheduled daily activity but occasional reminder to myself to slow down and center my mind and be calm and introspective 

Did you have an AH HA MOMENT ?  Yes, not very often or intense. Rather a flash of thoughts which trigger my sense of creative speculation about my topics of interest.

Did you have to make certain SACRIFICES ? Yes, but I generally don’t use the word sacrifice but trade-off. Sacrifice tends to mean self sacrifice. A trade-off is a simultaneous gain and loss effect on myself and another person(s).

Have you also learned HOW TO STAY RELAXED ? Yes. To stay relaxed, I need to have an environment which does not constantly present sensual stimulation in sound, visual images, vibration, smell, or breathing. Certain peaceful sounds and music and natural sceneries usually enable me to relax and stay relaxed. 

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Doris Lam added her perspective:

How to Relax?

To me, to relax is not my life goal. Because somehow vibrancy in life is attractive, it means excitement, passion, motivation, potential etc. Mundane, stagnant, uneventful and stable are negative adjectives to me.

Relax by definition from dictionary is less stress, anxious and tense. Or to be less strict or rigid.

I became relaxed after being mindful of what worried me, confronting it with worst scenarios and then intellectually telling myself that I would be able to handle it thus returning to emotional state of letting go. My anxiety then became an indicator of how well I succeeded in relaxing. Generally, my anxiety did not stay very long; I vented them out which probably caused discomfort to others which led them to see me as anxious.

Lately I finally began to appreciate why others urge me to stay relaxed. Because they view relaxed as positive; I felt being too relaxed as possibly passive. I enjoyed intensity and passion.

Being older now made me accept RELAXATION as an attractive lifestyle too.

How do you address your anxiety?

Define and identify source of anxiety

Confront problem by: Finding feasible solutions- Imagining worst outcome

Evaluating own limitations and priorities (emotional stress, ability to control, worthiness, level of satisfaction, etc.)  then hoose a solution

Accept solution by handling it emotionally and letting go, not worrying about change of situation, knowing that new problems will be solved similarly.

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BILLY’s Comments: So what have I learned from my three esteemed friends ?

From James:  BE RELAXED but not APATHETIC. NOT TO WASTE VALUABLE TIME ON UNPRODUCTIVE WORRIES.- VALUABLE TIME BEST BE SPENT TO EMBRACE LIFE & FRIENDS IN A RELAXED FASHION.

From Stephen: UNCERTAINTIES DUE TO EXTERNAL FORCES – BE CALM AND INTROSPECTIVE TO ACHIEVE OPTIMIZATION – PEACEFUL MUSIC  & NATURAL SCENERIES HELP-

From Doris:  ENJOY INTENSISITY IN LIFE.- RESOLVE ANXIETY INTELLIGENTLY WITHOUT WORRYING FUTILELY>

BILLY’S CONCLUSION: How about having a discussion on RELAX – PURE IDEALISTS vs. PRAGMATIC IDEALISTS

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James Luce’s reply to Billy’s comment on this photo:  “Love your new “Casual Soft Look “ and Melissa’s “Comforting Approval “

James and Melissa relaxing at an ancient monastery converted to a Catalan restaurant in the foothills of the Spanish Pyrenees

Hello Billy, 

The “casual soft look” is due to the fact that I’ve finally learned how to relax. Paraphrasing and lightening up Ella Wheeler Wilcox’s too-downbeat-but-on-point poem…Solitude to:

                    “Relax and the world relaxes with you.”  

        Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

        Weep, and you weep alone;

        For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

        But has trouble enough of its own.

        Sing, and the hills will answer;

        Sigh, it is lost on the air;

        The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

        But shrink from voicing care.

          Rejoice, and men will seek you;

          Grieve, and they turn and go;

           They want full measure of all your pleasure,

           But they do not need your woe.

           Be glad, and your friends are many;

           Be sad, and you lose them all,—

           There are none to decline your nectared wine,

           But alone you must drink life’s gall.

            Feast, and your halls are crowded;

            Fast, and the world goes by.

            Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

            But no man can help you die.

            There is room in the halls of pleasure

            For a large and lordly train,

            But one by one we must all file on

            Through the narrow aisles of pain.

OBT, James